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Daughter down the wrong path
November 14, 2004
6:52 pm
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WillShe
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Hello everyone, I am new to posting issues here, but have read your input for a week or so now. I'm in need of your wisdom. My daughter and I have become very disconnected. She's in school, plays sports, and has a job. Lot's on her plate for a 17 year old, I know. However, she has always had issues with telling the truth, last night we had a blow up about her curfew, and she still came in 35 minutes late. I am concerned because her behavior is distructive. I know she has already had sex with more than 10 different boys, she seems to think that giving a blow job is something that will give her the attention she seems to want. When I try to talk to her about her friends she resents me for even asking. I can't seem to connect with her. She is going down a path that is destructive, and dangerous. Any help? Thank you

SheWill

November 14, 2004
7:43 pm
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WillShe
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Thanks Lisset believe me it as crossed my mind. I keep thinking she will grow out of it...get some respect for herself. I just want to get through to her, and can't find the words. Punishing, pleading, angry, nice, it doesn't matter, I can't get to her.

November 14, 2004
8:06 pm
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WillShe
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Would love an intervention...coming from the horse's mouth kind of thing, but like you said, people with STD, HIV don't usually advertise their situation. Unfortunately, I fear most of her friends are guys (for, what I think, is the obvious reason). She has few female friends and what I have seen from her "writings" they all seem to be sex craving lunatics. I've been down the path with monitoring the friends, and it just further alienated her from me.

November 14, 2004
11:07 pm
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SweetAmanda
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Make sure that you give her hugs! Does she let you do that? Tuck her in at night too! Oh, and try not to have an ulterior motive behind these actions.

This girl is STARVING for love.

Be there is listen to her. Don’t give advice, (unless she asks) and I would really weigh how many of the rules you enforce. I know that this is very difficult, because you are the parent... You have EVERY RIGHT to lay down the law! You just need to remember that in doing so you may push her way out of reach forever.

Is her father involved in her life?

~Amanda~

November 14, 2004
11:13 pm
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Zinnie
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I'll see if I can find the web site - and they do offer volunteers that will come and talk to young people... perhaps take her to the Dr. and have her checked out (you are still her Mother, and she is legally underage, so I think you can still initiate it) for STD/HIV/AIDS - and have the Dr. talk to her.

Want to scare her? Tell her that the largest group of newly infected HIV patients are between the ages of 16-25. Scary isn't it.

Sadly, for lots of people, not just "young" but lots of folks sex equals love.

I know when my oldest discovered boys (didn't help that she was drop dead gorgeous)... oh boy, we all though about locking her in her room. We were lucky though, she found most of them "stupid" - and never seemed to date many of them for very long. She really didn't have a serious boyfriend until college.

Good luck, and I'll see if I can find that web site.

Z.

November 14, 2004
11:45 pm
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Zinnie
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Here is the name of the web site:

http://www.aids.org/

Good luck,

Z.

November 15, 2004
12:43 am
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on my way
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Hi WillShe, is her father involved in her life? Are you a single mom? If so, you need some extra help for this one. Keep posting here, it helps to talk.

November 15, 2004
8:38 am
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WillShe
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Thank you all for your input and your support. It helps to hear the differnt thoughts and opinions. To answer your questions, I am a single mom, but her dad is very much in her life as far as we have had joint custody (a week with him and a week with me) since we split up (14 years ago) he has a very difficult time communicating with her as well though, and with him it's the path of least resistence...so I get the sense that they live in the same house, but do not interact too much. He is not a diciplinarian. He does love his girls and will get involved when prompted to. She also has an older sister that she is close with and I turn to her at times to try an talk with her younger sister. She has been a godsend...but she is not around much either, she goes to college has a fulltime job and her own life.

Amanda you made comment that she is starving for love. I have a hard time with that one because we are a very loving family (at least I see it that way). I've come to learn that perceptions vary greatly even within the same circle. But anyway, I tell her constantly that I love her (sincerely) and I hug her as much as possible. If funny, she is very much a child in the sense when she is sick or feels bad she wants to be held and loved on (from me), but when she is fine there is a "distance".

Zinne, thank you for the website. I will take a look. I did have her checked out recently by her Dr. I put her on birth control..and we had a very frank discussion about all the diseases, the consequences, her attitude towards sex. And I really thought we made some headway. She can be very level headed and I feel like she is maturing at times, and then turn right around and make the complete wrong choices. She doesn't seem to think things through to well.

I am trying to wait out this "phase" I know a lot of it has to do with her age and all that goes on at this time. But I am trying to keep her as safe as I can while trying to get her through this. "laying down the law" is not what I want to do, but sometimes I feel like I have to protect her from herself.

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