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Dating
September 21, 2000
2:31 am
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fish27
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You know, I was married for 4 years and I have now been divorced from that marriage for nearly 4 years. Within the last year I met a man whom I gave the hardest time. For three years I did not even really date anyone. I didn't want to. I was just concentrating on me and my beautiful now 5 year old son. Well, this man that I met would not give up. He bugged me and bugged me until I said 'yes I'll go out with you!' I turns out that he really wasn't so bad. Things started progressing between us and he and my X were like night and day, so I thought. Well after a year his true colors come out and I find out that he has lied to me about so many things. And my son just adores him. We have basically broken up now because I can't go through the emotional rollercoster again. I haven't spoken to him for a while now (3 weeks), but he has called me occasionally stating that he misses me and he loves me. That's a bunch of you know what! My question is why can't I seem to just find a man who will respect and love me?...a man who is exclusive, monogomous?...What the heck is wrong with these men? Molly said we as women love too much, but if he's a real man he will value that love wouldn't he? I don't know, I just give up on men. I don't even want to be bothered anymore. The only man that really matters in my life is my son and he loves me unconditionally. But no one likes to be alone, I don't. However, I can't seem to find that one person to add to my life. I keep running into these destroyers and users. I just give up! I can do bad all by myself. Any thoughts?

September 21, 2000
12:59 pm
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Molly
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We have all been talking of female companionship and to heck with the guys. Just kidding. With a child at home, its going to be tough to date, like dating wasn't tough enough. I think your history got in your way in the beggining, sort of a hang over from the divorce. I also think that many of us never really learned how to date, to just go out and have a good time, with out expectations, or examing for lifetime potential. Where you meet people has lots to do with it too. Say you go to a church or temple function, it would be different than meeting at a bar, or gym. Don't know where you are, but I just picked up a wholistic publication, alternative healing, and spiritual growth publication, and they too had single ads. These guys sounded evolved, but then again who knows. I say find a group of gals, go out and have a good time, just like trying to find that special outfit, when your looking and have the money its never there, but when your broke, with no where to go, racks and racks of on sale designer labels are there with your name on it.

September 21, 2000
11:44 pm
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libra
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September 27, 2010
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I have an interesting idea. I read in a book called "Protecting the Gift," which is about protecting your children, that a lost child has a far better chance if he or she approaches a stranger, than if a stranger approaches him/her. So maybe, this can apply to dating. I mean, maybe if a guy is in hot pursuit of you, he is a predatorial type of person, a jerk, or etc. Whereas if you pursue the person, it is far less likely he will be a jerk. But this takes a confident woman who will go after what she wants. I know that my women friends who have the best relationships are the ones who pursued their husbands initially, not the other way around. What do you think?

September 22, 2000
12:20 am
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guest_guest
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nice idea, but then it should also apply to men. men who go after nice women and succeed in getting them, are also confident. jerks cant get nice women, right. by nice i basically mean mentally nice.

it has to be SOMEone whos gonna do the pursuing? so whos it gonna be?

September 22, 2000
4:32 pm
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Molly
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Maybe that is why opposits attract, gosh what if both persued each other, that would be hot.

September 22, 2000
7:25 pm
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guest_guest
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libra youre saying that if a man pursues a woman then he's a jerk or predatory type. if its a woman who pursues the man, the relationship will be a nice one. i dont agree with this! :).
ya molly it would be hot.. (sigh)

September 23, 2000
10:41 am
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fish27
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Wow! But to people ever do that anymore?...pursue each other? And I see your point guest_guest about a man pursuing a woman and vice-versa, why or how could it be any different for a woman pursuing a man? It really would be hot if both parties pursued each other.

September 23, 2000
9:49 pm
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guest_guest
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hmm.. i think i'll just become a police office and pursue women who break traffic rules. atleast i'll be pursuing women then! cause right now i fail at getting them. be a police cop! something is better than nothing. atleast pursue SOMEthing!

September 24, 2000
8:35 am
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guest_guest
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sorry just kidding. i'm stupid. oops. whatever.

September 24, 2000
12:36 pm
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Molly
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guest_guest,I know you were joking , but that is partly true, do something, and just like for the women, when you quit looking for something you find it, when you don't want something it comes to you, I don't get that one. But you have to be out there, got to be around people for people to meet you. I bet you are a great date, and fun to be with.

September 24, 2000
4:22 pm
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guest_guest
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yea right. fun to be with. well, i dont know. i dont think so. god i will take revenge with you on the day of judgement. whats he gonna judge me for? i didnt kill anyone. he gave me nothing, and all this pathetic life.

September 24, 2000
8:19 pm
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Molly
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What are you talking about, did you just go from manic to depressive, and if you did, and you are not taking meds intentionally, working on the behavior, you are aware right??? Where is your gain?? This could be considered attention getting, perhaps I simply do not understand? Lighten up.

September 25, 2000
2:34 am
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ya, i'm like that. moody. i was'nt feeling good at that time as usual. i'm not taking meds. thanks for being concerned. manic to depressive. maybe. actually i'm feeling good or manic as u say, not very often. so mostly, i'm just depressed, numb.

October 3, 2000
3:54 pm
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diet
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i don't know if its better to pursue or be pursued. i asked my boyfriend out..now i wish i never did. after two years i've caught him in so many lies that i have no trust left. and just last week, i found out that his ex-girl and him have a very intimate "friendship" still, despite my disapproval. they have been hanging out together, calling, etc. the whole time! i've confronted both of them and they deny any sexual interaction, yet he continues to feel responsible for her well-being (ie. loans, chauffering, dinners, pschological support) and one of my main issues w/ him is that i feel a lack of these things from him to me. it is tearing us apart, my distrust. i don't know what to do.

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