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Dating: Feeling lost, confused, frustrated, need some perspective pls :S
March 3, 2007
5:23 am
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karmapolice
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I met a guy on valentines day, he show lots of interest from day one, he will chat online with me everyday telling me how much he liked me, that he was really impresed with me , bla bla, I was just listening...

After about a week, it was saturday nite and we me online, by chance, and he asked me what were my plans for the nite, He had some plans with his friends but I was going to stay home and had no plans...So he said he rather keep me company than going out with his friends. He came home, we went out for dinner, and came back to my place to wacht a movie. Since he lives far away and have no car....And there were no bus anymore, i told him he could stay...and we were jocking about, are you gonna be a good boy and just let me sleep....

We went to my room and started making out, but had no protecction so, we just stay there hugging and he was very sweet and we had a grat time , he left around 6 in the morning. That was last weekend.

This past week, he send me texts msj everyday, telling me how much he missed me, and we also chatted online pretty much everyday. Thursday, was a national holiday, so I figured, we would see each other Wednesday evening, so I told him that afternoon that it would be cool if we could see each other that nite, ....he said yes....what would you like to do, and we were joking about it, but he never really said yes or no....So that nite, about 9, since i wasnt hearing from him, i texted him saying, i am not sure if we are seeing each other tonite=?....he told me he was at home and that his mom told him that nite they had a dinner for his Dad who his recovering from surgery, I was dissapointed but just told him, Ok, have fun.

The next morning he texted me on his way to work, i didn know he had to work on the holiday, telling me that he missed me and all the usual. That nite he also texted me before going to sleep.

Well, last nite, we met online around 9, well the minute i got online, i received a text from him saying: kiss, I miss you...and I answered him on the msn, he was surprised and seemed happy, he didnt see me online, I told him, i am coming from college, just had a final and feel like drinking, and he was like, mmm, i dont drink on fridays cause i work tomorrow, i just feel like sleeping...so where are you going out? he asked me....I told him, nowhere, i am broke, just telling you what i feel like doing....

He went, i am broke too, i think i will just go home and have a bottle that I have since Xmas, .....Since he was still at work, I asked him, are you still working?=

He was like, nop, just killing time....( to go home ??? :s ) I figured if someone wants to sleep, why be killing time at the office when they can just go home???? And them we were talking about how his Dad got sick and suddenly he said,...ok I gotta go, i´ll text you later...and he said "love u"....?????? ( he never said that one before )

I was just confused, how come if he misses me so much, we dont see each other???, Or he cant stay online to chat for a while whe he has nothing else to do that going home to sleep? Why is he acting as a boyfriend, when we never talked about it yet????? Is he behaving like that because he thinks that is what i expect ffrom him.

I feel frustrated, confused, i dont know where i am standing.

Some background, he is 26, i m 32, bipolar, codependent and was addicted to my last partner, who is also 26 now. I ´ve been single for almost a couple of years and are friends with my ex now...

Am i ready for a new relationship, am i making too much fuss about nothing???

Please help....

XOXOOXOX

KP

March 3, 2007
7:10 am
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karmapolice
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anyone??????

March 3, 2007
7:56 am
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taj64
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I wonder if it is ever possible not to have all these mixed feelings when you have had a previous addiction to a person. It is very hard to trust anyone after experience like that. A lot of men simply do not like to chat on-line or talkers on the phone. It seems to be ok in the beggining because there is a lot of interest but naturally this will taper off after a few weeks of spending time with a person. On-line chatting is not as good once you meet the person and personal becomes preferred. He is 26 which is pretty young and for a woman of 32, you are ready for relationship and thinking along those lines. You do not want to put so much in if all you are going to get is a little here and there cuz you want the full package. For now,I would back off from this person and let him do the chasing and let him think you are not so available. Do your own things, don't focus on this so much for now. Let him come to you and if he doesn't, then he is not worth your time and he is just being casual.

March 3, 2007
8:14 am
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karmapolice
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Tks there Taj, I was going on that direction too, not to show him, "i´m always here for you.....", I need to back off and see what happeneds, but

What about those daily msgs saying " I miss you" and then not seing each other, how am i supposed to answer that....just cassually??? what if he uses " I love u??? "... should I ask him?....what do you mean by that?....

Yep it is really hard after being addicted to someone, i am so afraid of getting hurt and is really hard to trus anyone....

March 3, 2007
8:21 am
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taj64
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It is hard being a soft hearted girl not to get taken in by those "I miss you". It is emotional pull. But you need to be tougher about it. Some people casually do this without thinking that they could be dealing with a vulnerable person. He should not be usuing the "love" word so casually like this. It is too soon, you do not know for sure if he truly does love you, sex is not love believe me. A person does not use it the first time over the phone and in casual way. When a person decided that he loves a woman, he plans it, he thinks about it first, he will announce it, he will tell the woman face to face. This casual manner, he is using it lightly which tells me he doesnt really mean it or means it in affectionate "I like you" kind of way. If he says "I LOVE YOU" then maybe but he is saying luv ya, as in see ya, you know what I mean, there is a difference here. Please do not look at these affections as serious just yet. You will fall hard and fast and that will be no good.

March 3, 2007
8:29 am
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karmapolice
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yeap, i see your point here, gotta go now, but I really apreciatte your insights, will check on this later.

XOXOXO

KP

March 3, 2007
8:32 am
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taj64
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One more tihng I hope you will read later is that I read your other post on the "flowery" thing. You know you just got into this too soon, cuz sex too soon changing the dynamics of the relationship. All of a sudden there is a need that was not there before. If it is serious type relationship then sex is less of a threat to it. This is what happens when you go for it too soon, you become emotional about, the guy thinks casual, plays it lightly. Just be careful. You will be ok.

March 3, 2007
5:47 pm
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karmapolice
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just a quick update, I thinks this guy really believes he is inlove with me, cause he said that again today, and when I asked him....really? He said "you doubt it"

I told him : "I think it is too soon"....and he was like...mmm ok, sorry, but I dont know if he was mad or hurt but he left the conversation.......:S

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