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Dating a man 17 years older.
August 13, 2001
1:26 pm
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taminc
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Hi, I just came involved with an older man. I really like being around him and he treats me like a queen.

Should I have 2nd thoughts about becoming more involved with this man. I really like him alot and our age doesn't seem to bother either one of us.

I am 33 and he is 50. Should I let our age stand in the way of our relationship?

Thanks
Tammy

August 13, 2001
2:00 pm
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gingerleigh
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It can work, but be wary. He is likely in a very different place in his life than you are, don't sacrifice those 17 years of your life to "catch up" to where he might be in his.

Some potential concerns to watch out for (and I do feel qualified to speak on this one, since my ex-husband was also 17 years older than I was):

Other people *will* talk about you. There is no way around that. People will question his motives, and wonder why you couldn't find someone your own age. So accept that and move on if it's worth it to you.

Kids... do either of you have any? Do you want them? Does he?

Physical activity... are you a very active and athletic person? Is he?

And like with any partner... are there things about him that you want to change? Because trust me, it is MUCH harder to teach an old dog new tricks.

So no, I would say there is no reason to throw away a potential relationship just because of age. The issues that crop up in a relationship might be related to the age difference, but the age itself isn't the issue. Just protect your boundaries and make sure that this is something that you really want... again, all stuff that applies to *any* relationship, right?

August 13, 2001
2:27 pm
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taminc
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Thank you.

Yes, you are right. We are already hearing the comments.

"You grave robber".
"She must be out for his money".
"He wants someone to take care of him".
"He looks old enough to be her Dad".

He does have 2 girls. 28 and 25. The oldest doesn't mind our age difference at all. The youngest doesn't like it at all.

I have a 4 year old and he loves my boyfriend to death. He spends alot of time with my son. I know when we go out, people think I am his daughter and Alex is his grandson.

I do wonder if we get serious and someday get married, when he is 70 and I'm 53, how will our life be.

Unless alot of issues come up, I could see having a long lasting relationship with this man.

One question for you... You said X Husband. Did the break up have anything to do with an age issue?

Tammy

August 13, 2001
3:29 pm
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gingerleigh
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Well, I was focusing more on the lying, verbal abuse, unexplainable debts, proken promises, kiddie porn, drug use and cheating.

*laugh*

The age difference was honestly the least of our worries. 😉

Good men come in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages. Unfortunately, so do the bastards. Just be careful, as you would with anyone, right? Best of luck to you, darlin'.

August 13, 2001
7:36 pm
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Molly
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My first reaction was, don't expect to make a family, but since you have a son, and they get along, that is great. Like Gingerleigh suggested, keep your eyes wide open. What is his history, how many marriages, how many divorces. Seems to be the trend, older men, younger women, a chi, thing. Just make sure that you do get married, get on the will, yada yada yada. Or, just enjoy, keep all seperate, and have a good time while it lasts. A good guy is hard to come by, run a background check, and take it from there.

September 21, 2001
12:13 am
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child
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Why did you all give her thumbs up on a potential relationship? And discourage me from persueing mine in 4 years with only 13 year difference? I was willing to wait and you sayy no, no, no. Is it because I am a guy you treat me differently???

September 21, 2001
2:09 am
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cerry
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Taminc,

It appears that relationships of all sorts are the way of life these days. Look at Celine Dion and her relationship. There not doing bad I believe. I believe that as we get older age is not an issue. I think maybe interests, ie, music, the way we were raised are different but as we get older it seems easier for some reason.

My one question for you is?? you state he likes your boyfriend????. I don't think that is wise. If you have an interest in this older person, having a boyfriend on the side is not being fair to either. One or the other is what I would suggest. Be honest with them and yourself. Someone might get hurt.
Cerry

September 21, 2001
10:37 am
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gypsygirl
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child, there is a difference here. the people in question here are all of age.

September 21, 2001
10:46 am
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sue2001
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yes 33 and 50 vs 10 and 24 are two different things and the fact that you pointed that out says that you are trying to justify this sick thing you are wanting to do... you said you are waiting and ok but 14 is to young also... you would 28 my age now and I can't imagine even considering a child of 14 as my mate
why don't you wait until she is 30 and you are 44.

September 28, 2001
1:21 am
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child
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To, "sue2001"and any others who are judging me,,
Are you saying that I am 24 and my love is 10?
I think you are confusing me with another thread......
I am 27 the girl i am in love with is currently 14. I am willing to wait for her in 4 years before i ever persue a dating relationship with her. Even when she is 18 I probabily won't have sex with her. I believe sex should be reserved for marriage. ?Why is it that people seem to think, that dating a person includes sex? My issue is , I love her and I want to tell her that, to know that in the future, If she could ever feel the same about me. I want to know what she feels about me now. Could she ever feel more for me later? My original thread was "legal love," instead of geting answers i have had to defend my self from judgements. I am tired of people making me out as some sicko!!! My love is pure, sex was not the issue!!!! I HAVE NOT, DO NOT, AND WILL NOT have any sexual thoughts for her or others her age!!!!!!! Can you not be objective!!!

September 28, 2001
6:56 am
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suds
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child, go for it if it's love.
everything else to be considered though, should be considered and both of you should talk about these considerations (raising a family, anything and everything that may or may not be a problem brought about by the age gap).

my ex bf is much much older than i am...more than 17 years. 🙂

September 28, 2001
11:03 am
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Cici
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All I can say is that I am a woman, and the person I was at 14 is NOT the person I am now, and I'll only be 22 in October.

I dated a 28 year old man when I was 19. It was a mess! We had nothing in common! He's already been in the army, traveled across Europe, had many other relationships. I had never had a boyfried, all I'd ever known was my home town and my high school.

From knowledge about my past, I think that there really is too much of an age gulf at this point. Declaring your love for a 14 year old may actually cause some psychological trauma.

Listen, child, the structure of your brain is even different. Myelination of the prefrontal cortex isn't complete until well into adolescence. This is why teenagers are often impulsive and have trouble making decisions. The brain isn't fully developed until you are in your early 20s.

September 30, 2001
4:41 pm
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child
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Thank you suds and Cici. This is the kind of advice I am looking for. Cici thanks for the brain education, I did not know that....This helps me to consider the specifics of our age difference..

October 3, 2001
12:13 am
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suds
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Child, am sorry but my comment was for taminc. i confused the name. 🙂 sorry. But hey, am saying the same thing, if it's love go for it but....remember that love is not always having to follow what we "feel" but what is best for you and the one you love. if you feel heaven with her but think that what's best is to wait for the right time...then...

Give it some thought.

God bless and keep you!

October 5, 2001
11:35 pm
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whychild
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Okay.. thanks again..

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