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Date his friend?
November 9, 2004
3:22 pm
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D dog
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So there's this guy that I was hung up on for awhile - never had a real relationship, just casual dating. He stopped calling me for awhile, no real reason - just didn't want a steady girlfried, getting over a recent divorce, etc. Anyway, the two of us used to hang out with his neighbor, H. After the guy stopped calling me, H. decided he wanted to date me, and I have hung out with him a few times (no sex yet, trying to take it slow). Now the original guy has moved, they are no longer neighbors, and H. is really going for it. The dilemma is this: I know if I get serious with H., it's putting the nail in the coffin with the original guy, and I still have feelings for him. I keep hoping that, although the timing may have been bad originally, he may eventually want to hook up again. I know for a fact that he is not seeing anyone. What should I do?? BTW, the original guy is the one I always drunk dial, though I almost always get voicemail and leave a casual "how are you?" message. But - he never calls me back. :o(

November 9, 2004
3:27 pm
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gingerleigh
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Maybe the nail in the coffin would be a good thing? He did stop calling you, AND he's trying to get over a divorce, which really tends to mess people up for a while. Why put your life on hold while he is trying to sort through his own stuff? Don't wait!

November 9, 2004
3:29 pm
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Anonymous
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Well if you want anything with the original guy anything at all I would NOT date his friend. But if you really like the friend, and dont see anything ever happening again with the original guy go for it. That or you could always ask the original guy if he would mind, since he doesnt want a steady girlfriend. That way you wiped your ass both ways so to speak you know he cant come back at you and hold it over your head or anything.

November 9, 2004
3:30 pm
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Anonymous
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And it't not like asking permission or anything but like a common courtesy thing you know, that way you can see his reaction before anything happens with the friend.

November 9, 2004
3:54 pm
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D dog
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You are both right. I guess I'm afraid to ask the original guy if he would mind because what if he doesn't? Then the dream dies. Perhaps I am typically codependent, and would rather live with false hope than reality! I think I've just realized that...anyway, shouldn't H. be the one to talk to him??? He doesn't want the original guy to know, which leads me to believe that he still may care...

November 9, 2004
4:19 pm
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Anonymous
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Well normally guys arent too fond of their friends dating their ex's and the same goes for girls, prolly why he doesn't want him to know, but if he knew the guy was truly not interested it shouldnt be a big deal, You could try talking to him first about it

November 9, 2004
4:48 pm
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D dog
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Yeah, I will. I need to grow up and face facts. Funny, you'd think by age 40 I would have a better grasp!

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