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Damn Damn Damn
May 8, 2002
12:42 am
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gypsygirl
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SHIT. I'm freaking out here.

Damaged, remember that question you asked me when we had lunch? I said no, and you said that you had been wondering? Well that answer is now yes. SHIT SHIT SHIT. This dampens my plans. Crap. fuck. I don't like this.

May 8, 2002
2:13 pm
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gypsygirl
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Ok Does anyone have words of encouragement???? Please. I'm desperate. Why is it when I'm desperate no one is where I can reach them? I'm having a crisis here. Why do I always get these damn hurdles to jump over?

May 8, 2002
2:22 pm
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Molly
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Golly--- thought it was some seceret code for t4c-- I didn't want to butt in, clean or not, so lay it out on the table girl friend, don't make us toss darts !!!!!!!

May 8, 2002
3:52 pm
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gypsygirl
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Pregnant. Alone. Father told me he never wanted to see my face or hear from me again. Told me I was just out to hurt him from the beggining and I only wanted his money. Told me I was crazy, a quack, I needed to be checked. Told him only because as cold hearted as I like to think I am I would not deny a father to his child. Pissed off. He yelled at me. i stayed calm and told him I did not like to be verbally attacked. He tried to insult me.

May 8, 2002
4:16 pm
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gypsygirl
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Told him I felt he was potientally emotionally abusive towards me and that is why I want the divorce. He denies it. Told me that I am crazy. He is using my condition against me. I told him from at first about his comments to me and about my inability to be in a healtyh relationship at this time. and that is why I wanted the divorce. He took that to mean that I wanted out because I am mentally unstable. He ignored the fact that he sent out red flags everywhere. Even if I misread the signs, I was not willing to take that chance. Men suck. At least the ones I know.

May 8, 2002
4:21 pm
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gypsygirl
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fessed up to sandra about cutting myself lest week.

May 8, 2002
4:33 pm
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gypsygirl
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I just got back from Sandras' office. I am not presently cutting. I did last week. I showed her the scar. Offing myself is no longer an option because I am no baby killer. I am really freaked out. Have a Dr. appt. next week. They told me to stay on my meds. Went there this morning for a second test. 1-7-03 is D-day. Seriousley considering adoption. I cannot give this baby what I would like for it to have at this point in my life.

May 8, 2002
5:13 pm
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meka l hill
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everything don't come easy in life I have three childern 6,4,and 1 years old. Now single with only my mothers help and sisters.I'm not nothing but 23years old i started young. I got a job to help me out with kids and bills and it wasn't easy but I made it.With the help with there father at the begining but my mother help the most of all.You can do it beleive me it takes stregth and will power of your self. I have god,and so do you. Don't give up your baby that easy with out a fight. Just try it out for me its a wonderful thing to life.After birth you are going to chang your mind, birth is a wonderful thing to happen to a woman.Well take care and just think about it first. Don't do anything stupit for the meanwhile. Well bye for now!

May 8, 2002
8:19 pm
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Molly
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OMG Meka--- what a blessing you are. In the middle of your stuff you couldn't have offered any thing more hopeful. Bless you.

Gypsie-- God does work in mysterious ways, I think you could use some help, but I think you can do this, and I will not judge you what ever your decision, but I doubt so much adoption would be an option for you. All the more reason for you to pull it together. Circumstances aren't the greatest, but heck how many women get this news when they are. Just take care of the both of you for now.

May 8, 2002
8:28 pm
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nikka
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Good reply Meka. You are a good person, offering a marvelous 'share' in a time of trouble and pain for yourself.

Gypsy. Now's the time to recall how you found your strength yesterday. You have time if you'll take it to weigh a few options. A deep sight might show you more than you are seeing now in desperation. Molly's right, you're beyond our judgement. You are our Gypsy and that's way apst judgement. Just take it easy for a minute. Love you, gf. Take care of you and yours.

May 8, 2002
9:58 pm
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gypsygirl
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He had the nerve to ask me if I was seeing someone down here who will take care of me and his child. I know of someone who will take care of his ass. I have wanted another child for quite a long time now. Not like this. It is not just black and white with this decission, there are lots of issues to consider. I feel good about the adoption thing. I know I could raise this child if I put my all into it. But would that be the best for this child? I want for this child to have a mother and a father and a good support system. I cannot give certain things to this child. I will love him sure, but is that enough? It is more complicated than just keeping it and making it work. I can barely take care of myself and my first son. they have open adoption these days. I will not rush into any decision though. I am going to call my sons social worker tomorrow and talk with her. I am making the decision based on the childs needs not mine.

May 8, 2002
10:06 pm
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Honeymajig
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((((((((((((((((((big hug to you gypsy for being strong...proud of you))))))))))))))))))

May 8, 2002
10:09 pm
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syqg
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My cousin and his wife want a baby desperately. They are college grads, attractive, atheletic and have stable home and good families..........if anything u decide let me in on the decision first. I hope things work out for you. I have been there. I already had one child and unmarried and got pregnant again.........I chose the easy way out...........so I thought. Can't believe I admitted that to anyone. But I trust that I won't be judged too harshly on here. Good to know that is not an option for you. See how beautiful you are.......you can produce life.

May 9, 2002
1:19 pm
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gingerleigh
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About the adoption thing... I personally can't have any children of my own. I have the means to care for a kid (or two) and provide him or her with everything they would need: food, shelter, schooling and lots of love. I am not alone. There are LOTS and LOTS of women and loving couples out there who would take wonderful care of a baby, and they look into adoption so that they can take on one of life's most important responsibilities.

My boyfriend is adopted, and he loves his mom and dad fiercely, and they would give the world for him too. Two of my closest friends are also adopted, and have what seems to me like a more loving and healthy relationship with their adopted parents than most biologically related families that I know. Just something to think about.

May 9, 2002
3:46 pm
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gingerleigh
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Yes Blondie, have thought about it, even my doc brought up the possibility of the surrogate mom thing. Although on some levels I really like the idea of having a kid that's biologically half me and half of someone else that I love deeply, I really dig the idea of taking in a child who is already going through the trauma of not being able to be with bio-mom for whatever reason and needs someone to love and care for him/her.

So Blondie, is someone just going to leave you wrapped up in a blankey on my doorstep?

May 9, 2002
4:40 pm
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UK Polly
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Hey Ginger, I'm an orphan and I luv my sister Blondie, she makes really good BLTs and she'll luv my cat too, his name is Sherbert (as in smelly herbert) and he's Burmese and very, very helpful, good conversationalist, cuddly in bed and generous with presents (mice, usually dead). I'll be right over, watch for Concorde!

May 10, 2002
5:18 pm
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Molly
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Wait a second, is this going to mean I am going to be Blondie's GRANDMOTHER??????? Excuse me, nothing personal Blondie, I just need to process this for a while. Polly, ugh ugh you too twins ? Where is scharaza's gravity stuff ?

May 10, 2002
7:56 pm
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SuzyQ
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Gypsy,
I have several friends who have been adopted and one who just adopted a child recently. From her, I know that the mother has 72hrs to change her mind and there's a about a 50% chance after birth that she'll change her mind. You seem like a very strong person and whatever decision you make will be excellent!

Gingerleigh,
I'm a little more worried about your situation. Do you know that you are adopting 2 adult long lost twins who each have a cat? I hope you're ready for the lifestyle change. 🙂

May 10, 2002
8:03 pm
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nikka
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Molly, now I see what you were doing today before going sailing!! You were getting a queen-size babybed and sixe 2x diapers/pull-ups. Have you a walker yet? There might be one out in the garage with the stored goods. Want it if I can find it.

O, dear Molly, you are such the lucky one, Blondie and Polly are to be your grandchildren!!! Goddess is good LOL hahahahahahahahaha

May 10, 2002
8:08 pm
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gypsygirl
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I hate morning sickness. Anyone have a nose plug I can borrow? I am only 5 weeks and I am too big for all my clothes. gave up moutain dew.

May 10, 2002
8:14 pm
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gypsygirl
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Although, popcorn and avocados sound good though.

May 10, 2002
8:21 pm
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nikka
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Yum, yum. Love both, bring 'em to the sea, gypsy. Nice to hear your voice, sorry about the weight. (((hug)))

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