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damaged from Love (No more feelings)
June 13, 2006
7:23 pm
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chinita
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September 30, 2010
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Here we go. I can't seem to understand my actions anymore. I've been in soooooo many unhealthy relationships that it disgusts me. Anyways the thing is, is that my baby's daddy was really my love! We had 2 girls together we were suppose to get married my family LOVED him so dearly. We were together for 4 years. Now in short lil time he completely destroyed everything!!! My feelings, my heart, trust pretty much everything. Well he wasn't in the right state of mind (he was useing) but still sooooo much that he did devasted me so bad. Ok fine. It's been over for about 1 year well because he's in prison. I really thought deep down in my heart I was over him, but I'm not sure?

So far I've been in another relationship which is my friend for 10 years. I broke up with a him also for useing. Now he swares he's going to change but it's like I can't turn my back on him. Maybe because we've been friends for so long? I can't explain it? I lend him my car I give him money when I can. Now the funny thing is I love him but I don't no in that what way. I slept with him and it was good but I just can't feel that Love that I had for my daughter's dad. But then I don't want to go back to him. But then we have so much in common? We have fun just doing nothing. All the things I do for him he's already done for me or even more over the years that we've known each other. I can't understand it? When I do him favors I feel like if he's taking advantage of me. But then I no he doesn't have anyone to rely on? Like nobody is there for him but me. So confused??????????????

In the process I've been messing with a guy that is 9 years younger than me. We went out twice and the second time well you no what happened. I no this is a dead end thing it's just all sexual. But we also talk and have had some bonding time and we get a long but come on there's no future for me with him.

Now that is another thing that is boggling my mind. Why? Why am I like this? I like them both but I wish I could just be in a happy relationship NO Drama! I just can't understand why I'm so needy. I'm faithful when in a serious relationship but if not I'm just out there. I guess I'm older and seeking for happyily ever after. Now this time around I feel so much colder like I won't let them get in completely to my heart. But if I'm alone I start feeling depressed, restless, just flat out desperate.

I need some positive advice! I feel torn and confused. I can't understand why I'm like this? Am I stupid???

June 13, 2006
8:09 pm
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lollipop3
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Chinita and welcome to the site.

First, let me start by saying....no, you are not stupid. Confused or even perhaps codependent may be a more appropriate word.

By reading your post it seems as though you are looking for happiness, which is what we all want, but you are looking for it in the wrong place. Happiness comes from within.

You also seem to have a history of dating addicted, unavailable men.

It may do you some good to stop looking for a man to fill you up and take some time to figure out who you are and what you really want out of your life.

There are a couple of good books on codependency that you may want to take a look at.

1. Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood

2. Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie.

Both of these books have been a great help to me as well as others on this site. Perhaps you could check them out and see if you can relate to anything there.

This site is also a great place to come for wisdom, insight and support....so keep posting.

Good luck,
Lolli

June 13, 2006
8:20 pm
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smarterone
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September 24, 2010
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welcome chinita
Dont get down on yourself, we are all here for the same reason. There is nothing wrong with you. We are good people, but we give for the wrong reason.
I have been involved, my soon to be ex husband, with an addict. He is currently in prison for the last 5 years, i was faithful all that time. I am also dealing with a 30 year old son, who wont grow up and i keep helping (see what i mean) He is hooked on crack, he stopped a couple of months ago , i took him to live with us and now, this weekhe is out on the streets again, drugs, homeless, pawned everything we bought him. I hate to say this, cause it has been said to me over and over and i have not listened, stay away from the addict. They dont feel what they are doing. The drug is more important. This is my son. I have helped him for the last 5 years, along with the husband in prison, you know what i have. Nothing,nothing but heartache, pain, finances up in the air from them, no friends who can trust my judgement. Please take care of you and yours. Good luck

June 13, 2006
9:00 pm
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tiedupinknots
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September 24, 2010
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You are not stupid even though we may feel like that at times. I spent the last 20 years one addict after another who cheated on me. I finally have said enough is enough no more addicts in my life. They cheat, they are not what I need anymore. I've learnt my lesson.

The lesson I learn was I have to love and respect myself enough to want better. You maybe just have not had enough pain and suffering to want to recognize the same lesson we all have to come to. Love yourself first. Research love. Figure it out. Find inner peace. Find a higher power. Happiest relationships are those that put some kind of God first, then the spouse then the kids.

Think of it like this. How would you rate yourself out of 10 for emotional stability, finances, cook, self-esteem, all that great all around gal stuff like that. How would you rate yourself. Lately I have been about a 4. So guess what? You will attract a 4 type of man. Just like you... lol so not so good eh?

If you want a 10 man, be a 10 person yourself. So get to work! Start reading those books. Look up my list on the favourite authors. I've been reading some awesome ones on change, Power vs force. How to live in joy.

This is your life. Take back your power, straighten yourself out, try being single for awhile, find out why you are bored, what do you want? what are your values, get to know yourself, ask the universe for exactly what you want in a man, its a lot of work but so is all this being miserable. Lets work together to get happy and get what we want. First you have to know what you want though. Be careful for what you ask for too. keep us updated how your search for inner peace goes. I will post a couple of note threads on inner peace I just did today. Check them out. They will be long. 🙂

June 14, 2006
12:08 pm
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chinita
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You guys THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!! I really do feel better when I post my issues. I no there is happiness for all of us out there. I have Faith!

Lollipop3 thanks I will get to reading! I Promise I need too!

Smartone trust me I no what you mean. You stay strong also ok.

Tiedupinknots wow thanks your right I really need to start again in finding myself. I feel lost sometimes and we all no why because I always feel like I need a man in my life. But as of in the heartache department I've been threw my share I can't take anymore heartache and pain. Trust me I will start to work on myself because we all no I really need too.

Thanks for being here for me. I feel so much better when I post my feelings. LOL.

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