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Daily self Care
April 29, 2009
5:25 am
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fantas
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I was just thinking it would be nice if we encouraged each other in our attempts to care for ourselves on a daily basis. My biggest problem is feeling like I do not deserve to feel so happy when I do things I like as well as not valuing them enough to not scratch them off the list when other "more important" things come up. This past month I did two things that are direct self-care; I hired a cleaning lady to clean my place every 2 weeks (still feeling somewhat embarrassed about it) and I bought a name brand handbag that I'm still feeling a little nervous about. I'm still not sure I want to be seen with it. My ultimate love is dancing and I have completely thrown it off my list of things to do. I would love to start that. I want to commit to dance at least once a week.

Please write about your experience with self care and the encouragement you desire from us.

April 29, 2009
8:42 am
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RobynB
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Fantas,

It is a crime of fashion not to be seen with a new name brand purse if you are able to posess one. So on behalf of women everywhere who don't have a name brand purse, I hearby order you to carry it EVERYWHERE.

It is important that you make time to dance weekly. Through the years, my over-enthusiasm for my horses has led to issues in my personal relationships with others, but those were the relationships that weren't healthy, because those people couldn't understand how much my hobby gives back to me in terms of mental health. You owe it to yourself but also to your friends and family to dance because the stress relief, exercise, and "feel good" feelings you recieve from it make you more stable in your interactions with others. So it is actually a benefit to everyone else as well when you do nice things for yourself. Likewise on the purse and cleaning lady; ultimately, your loved ones just want you to be happy, and if it makes you happy, then so be it.

My self care at this time is limited to spending time with the people I really care about (mainly my "barn family" of horses and people and my bf and family) but also about paying down my debt. I know that sounds boring, but I am finally at a point where I can really get ahead on bills that have lingered too long and it makes me feel good to have that control. So mostly I am saving my money for horse shows and paying down my bills.

Also, I would like to buy a tennis racket since my bf would like to start playing tennis with me.

And I always set aside $10 to have my eyebrows waxed and $20 for a tanning membership. Those are my "guilty pleasures." I occasionally spring for a pedicure, but I also do them at home myself to save money.

April 29, 2009
11:26 am
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Zebra
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You rock ladies...Fantas and Robyn, HI

My self care that I recently started doing. Going to therapy about domestic violence, moved in with my sister and her family where the home is stable and full of love. I recently treated myself with a pedicure and I am going to sign up for a Yoga class. I also exercise daily. I was running then got hurt now walking and I think I am ready to start running again.

I also look in the mirror each day and tell myself how beautiful, intelligent and strong I am.

with love, Z

April 29, 2009
1:15 pm
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RobynB
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Yay Z! Sounds like you have plenty of good things going on!

I swear, a little bit of sunshine gets everything going the right way again...

April 29, 2009
2:20 pm
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Zebra
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Yes things are good in the sunshine.

With Love, Z

April 29, 2009
2:47 pm
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Robyn I love what you said about ordering fantas to carry a name brand handbag.

My guilty pleasure is Planet Beach. I don't know if any of you have anything like this where you are but if you do treat yourself to a day or week or a monthly membership... I have icky itchy skin. There is never a time that my legs don't itch. Sometimes more than others. Usually I can ignore it. Getting in the tanning bed makes them feel better. I fought it for a long time because I thought tanning beds were the worst things healthwise, now I have changed my opinion. They have a facial light that I have been doing and a massage chair to sit in while you do it. They also have an hydromassage bed that is great and my all time favorite is the hydration station. It is sort of like a sauna but you don't put your head in. Supposedly it healths pull toxins out of your body. I don't know how much I buy into that but at least it feels good.

I also have been taking a product called Goyin that is loaded with nutrients you need and I have been doing their cleanse which is supposed to pull toxins from 7 areas of your body. I don't know if it works or not. All I know is that for the first time in my life I have a semi-flat stomach.

I also used some gift certificates to a massage therapist and I visited a chiropractor. My body is loose again and I can move! My size 8's are a little looser. (confession I am only 5'4") I am 41 and FABULOUS. Sure I could stand to lose a little more weight and I could stand to exercise a little more and be a little toner but the other day I saw a photo of Susan Lucci who is 63 on the beach in a bikini and it wasn't a pretty site. She had muscles but she still had saggy skin. There has to be a reason our bodies do what they do as we age and I am going to enjoy and wring the last drop out of life while I have it!!!! By the way Susan Lucci still has a fabulous face and looks DAMN good in clothes...just not a bikini;)

Bitsy

April 29, 2009
3:24 pm
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fantas
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You guys are so much fun!! Robyn, I will attempt to carry it outside, and share how I feel. It's so good to hear what others are doing for themselves. Very uplifting to treat ourselves the way we deserve. You all go girlz!!!!

April 29, 2009
9:20 pm
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truthBtold
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I love this thread!!!!

I suspect my biggest hurdle is feeling deserving.

Where - I wonder - did this 'non-deserving' mindset originate from anyway?

In the first place??????

Not too long ago, I saw Louis L Hay on the PBS Tavis Smiley show.

(Her book: You Can Heal Your Life.)

Basically, one of the founders of the modern 'self-help' genre way, WAY back in the 1970's.

(She was right there blazing the trail....back in the day right there beside "Wayne Dyer" and his Erroneous Zones......)

Back in the 1970's.... when all we pretty much knew back then was a gross avacado green kitchen appliances to keep us in the the know....and a special vaccum carpet lever to pick up the dirt from something called back then as 'shag' carpeting.......

Incredible.

Her contention.....after many, many years and even decades of talking to just regular 'folk' - general concensus all the way around....:

....Bottom line..... (get this).... most folks just don't feel deserving of good things coming into their lives.

Just don't feel deserving.

Imagine that?

Here and now.....in the year 2009?

Still applies.

Why is this?????

Is there a who or what to blame?

Damn.....you would think that clearly after at least 3 decades of contemplation...surely SOMEONE could come up with an answer.....you know?

Guess not.

Sad, actually. Not much progress, it would appear.

TV. Do you suppose that TV might be the culprit, in some respects?

You know....blasting and blaring out images of just what said "American" should and could and would look and act like??????

So, obviously - never to meet the challenge.

So....what do you suppose this whole bunch of crap set into motion??????

A media sense/frenzy of 'never being able to match nor accomplish no matter what....'

Great media angle - wouldn't you agree?

The message: Always falling just short of...........

About never being able to meet what was considered 'the norm.'

Always striving.

(How odd.)

Striving for what?????

A fricking carrot on a stick....as it turns out?

Please......give me a break!!!!!

I'm done. Sorry folks that it went in the direction that it did.....my sincere apologies. Truly.

I got carried away.............

Sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,

April 30, 2009
7:36 pm
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fantas
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(((Truth))) No apologies needed!!! This is the self care thread. If vent is what you needed to do, then we support you. Who says self care has to always have sweet words. You are being truthful about you. Next time, no apologies, ask for hugs.

Today, I got a rolling school bag so I no longer have to haul tons of books every where. I dressed myself real pretty and went to study. I felt good. I also got a different family doctor because the last one had too large of chip on his shoulder the last time I saw him. He didn't even recall ever having seen me in his office. One diss and I was outta there. No second chances or rationalizing his bad behavior. HUGE FOR ME!!! I also asked for sleeping pills from the new doctor so I no longer have to self medicate. I also canceled an evening meeting because I need to sleep early, long day tomorrow.

Thank you all for reading!! Feels good to write here and see all that I did for myself today. Now I will try to observe how I feel about things as I do them. I want to feel happy for myself.

May 1, 2009
1:14 am
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sunshine88
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hi guys, am feeling so down and low today. so what's my self-care formula for today? i tried decluttering and cleaning up my house, but ended up more broken down in angry tears.

i always resolve to be positive, and to start a new life. but when i actually do, things start to sink in, and i find myself on the ground again.

an author wrote that people suffering from the aftermath of a painful breakup should allow themselves to hit rock bottom, to face all their negative emotions, and not suppress it, so that they could discover the positive ones later.

well, i am still waiting for those positive ones, eh!

maybe i should get a shower, and get out of the house. but go where? i really don't know. kinda reminds of the song of avril lavigne, that goes:

"she wants to go home,
but nobody's home,
that's where she lies, broken inside.
... with no place to go.
to dry her eyes."

sorry for the sorry tone of my post.

i need a hug but don't know where it is safe to go get it. crap.

May 1, 2009
7:23 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Sunshine a lot of us have been where you are. I woke up and realized it it May 1. One year ago, I had broken up with the Lying Cheating Rat Bastard Asshole Son of a Bitch. I was crying and morning the loss. There were times I didn't think I could get out of bed. I didn't know how anything could be worse. Well, my dad wasn't feeling well and had a doctors appointment coming up. They decided to do an endoscope, a week later on May 22 they gave us the results. Cancer. June 11th he was gone. I am an only child. I am divorced. I am an only child. I have no one to date. I am alone.

BUT I will promise you this...somehow today I am better than I was 10 or 11 months ago. I have faith it will happen for you too.

When all else fails take a nice hot bubble bath.

Bitsy

May 1, 2009
8:58 am
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RobynB
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Well one of the things I am trying to do for myself is allow myself to accept the love of others.

I am currently PMS-ing... so of course my irrational jealous streak is acting up again. I got very insecure the other night and thought my bf didn't want me to come over... which he did, and I acted all crazy. At least I didn't look through his cell phone again, but I want too. Also, I found out the full name of his ex-girlfriend and I can't stop googling her name... like I'm going to find out some big secret. Luckily, I have seen her picture and don't feel that she was more attractive than me, but I can't explain why I am so obsessed with knowing what went wrong between them. He doesn't know I do any of this, and I don't ever plan on telling him.

I've started to realize, though, that I don't think I'm worthy of being loved, and I don't understand why that is. He said to me last night "when are you going to wake up and realize that I love you? I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U. I love you! I'm not going anywhere ever." But still, I feel like his ex-girlfriend could still saunter back into the picture and take him away, which makes no sense because they dated right after his divorce for 5 months and she broke up with him when he wouldn't commit.

The irony is that I don't see his ex-wife of 19 years as a threat at all... I guess I just don't understand myself. Several of my ex-boyfriends had huge ex issues and made me feel really bad about not being as good as them. So I guess I'm just afraid to trust entirely that he won't leave me, or end up being a jerk, or cheat on me, or shoot himself and not even have the decency to leave a note or say good-bye. And I think that just about says it all... I'm worried about his ex-issues, because I have so many left over from mine. And I guess until I accept that they are gone, I will continue to get caught in this little flux every once in awhile. Luckily, we are no longer fighting about it and he is being supportive without being an enabler to my behavior, which I hated at first because I just wanted him to stroke my ego whenever I felt like that and he wouldn't but I'm glad he didn't because it would have encouraged more of the same "temper tantrums."

So my daily self care is to tell myself that I am finally in a stable, committed relationship with a wonderful man who is perfect for me and wants me and that I can be okay and comfortable with that and not worry about when it is going to be taken away from me. Oh, and also, I need to remember to take a Midol, lol.

And maybe go buy a name brand designer purse! 🙂

(btw, fantas - good for you and getting dressed up and feeling cute! I love to get dressed up and feel cute which is almost as much fun as putting on my comfy velvet pj suit with a hat and shades and bumming around our local Walmart!)

May 1, 2009
9:48 am
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Robyn, Stacy and Clinton (what not to wear) would really get onto you for putting on a comfy velvet pj suit and going out in public even if it is to WalMart (wink wink)

Bitsy

May 1, 2009
5:16 pm
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sunshine88
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Hi Robyn, it is indeed refreshing to hear a story like yours. i think i remember you were broken hearted one time about something... and it feels nice to hear from you that you are happy in a relationship now.

"allowing myself to be loved" is not the applicable thing for me nowadays, because i was left behind by the man i lived with for over a year. what i have been trying to learn these days is to find other sources of support, because he is no longer with me.

however, i have opened up a lot on this community lately, allowing myself to share my deepest emotions, and allowing online friends to know about them, and chat about it. i never used to do that, it was hard for me to open up and admit my feelings. but i read somewhere that for healing to happen completely, one must have the liberty to speak up whenever needed, and that liberty i found here.

so i guess that will be my daily self care. to open up here, to try to share with others, and to try to listen and understand others as well as myself.

cool. i found one self-care activity.

May 3, 2009
6:07 am
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sunshine88
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i had the strangest feeling this morning. i was dizzy and nauseaus, and was pretty sure i wasn't preggy, lol.

i felt like the office was closing in on me, and i couldn't breath.

i decided to get myself some air. and maybe some food. (yup food cheers me up)

but once i went out, i started to feel better, and didn't need food anymore. i just drove around the block for half an hour, called up a girlfriend, and came back. it was so relieiving.

i don't know what would have happened if i didn't heed my body's request to get some air.

i guess that qualifies for self-care, doesn't it?

May 3, 2009
7:17 pm
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PreciousG
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I think so! You were listening to your body. Go you!

May 3, 2009
7:40 pm
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iujudy
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Listen to your body. The more you listen the more you can tell what it is trying to tell you. I am working on this daily. It is tought, but so important.Kudos toyou

May 3, 2009
9:26 pm
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fantas
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Ya, learning to listen to your body is so key. Many of us have learned to ignore our needs and wants and it feels strange to do for us. This week I finally went to a doctor and straight up asked for sleeping pills. I have never felt so rested and I'm so glad I did that. Also, I managed to cancel some events I "needed" to go to and choose to sleep early instead. I've also been trying to dress myself up in the manner I feel I'm worth and feel really good about it.

I found this quote today:
"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

May 4, 2009
11:12 am
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RobynB
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Sunshine88 - you are correct; when I first came to the board I was with the man I am still with, but unhappy because of defensive behaviors and irrational fears left over from my last abusive relationship. It is true that sometimes we have to be alone and "not accept the love of others" because we are learning how to love ourselves. Good for you for knowing that about yourself and for listening to your body.

Fantas - kudos to you as well for continuing to treat yourself right.

Bitsy - I long for the day Stacey and Clinton (or is it Quinton? I can never tell!) come and get me and dress me like a princess! I love that show!

My daily self care today actually just includes getting caught up on logging attendance hours... I do a week, compile the number and read a few posts! 🙂 But I want it done so it's off my mind and not a bother anymore!

May 4, 2009
3:47 pm
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I caught Cat (my daughter) online getting the info to turn me in. She hasn't done it as far as I know but if I ever make it to the show I will find a way to let you know. Maybe tug my ear or something. The other one I want to be on is 10 Years Younger. I think you either have to live in the New York or LA area to be on that one.

Bitsy

May 4, 2009
9:19 pm
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LoveSandy
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i've been learning how to do this myself. i've focused on some of the small things that I can do to take care of me...for instance. lighting candles, spraying myself with a nice perfume before bed time, painting my nails, eating off my "good" china, listening to classical music at bed time, wearing nice pj's, going for a walk at a local park etc.. you are probably already doing some small nice things for yourself.

May 4, 2009
10:02 pm
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breakuptorture
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My self-care: getting up at 5:30 every morning and doing turbojam. I get to log in and work out with the "friends" that are on the same schedule. Not only am I energized every morning, for the rest of my day, but I get to keep my aging body in tip top shape.

I also get to the beach as often as my job will allow me. That's my peace and serenity - that's where I feel at most peace with myself, God, and the world around me.

May 5, 2009
1:48 am
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sunshine88
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LoveSandy, i love your daily self-care. i should adopt that. heck, why didn't i think of doing all that for myself?

May 6, 2009
3:08 pm
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fantas
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Wow, great suggestions here. This has been the most guilt inducing self care but for this week, I decided to give myself the gift of sleep to make up for many hours of sleep debt. It's really difficult to let myself sleep during the day, or cancel some important evening appointments to sleep because it feels like such a lazy thing to do. I'm doing it though. I have a week off from teaching and grading and I chose to sleep. Very hard but trying. I feel so much better though. It's amazing how rundown we can get and believe it to be the normal way to feel. I'm thinking that many of the emotions we feel and difficult circumstances we find ourselves in could be blamed on sleep deprivation. It makes me feel of the song "I can see clearly now the rain in gone" that's how I'm beginning to feel.

Do you guys and gals struggle with sleep deprivation as well??

May 6, 2009
3:55 pm
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PreciousG
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Yes Fantas I do suffer with sleep depervation. I have a difficult time falling asleep. I don't want to sleep sometimes because I dream too much. Other times my brain just wont settle or stop.

No matter the reason for lack of sleep my attitude, performanse ect suffers.

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