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D dog's Friday Miracle
April 9, 2005
12:44 am
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D dog
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My best friend (who is addicted to crystal meth) and I just exchanged these text messages:

K: "What up yo?"

ME: "Outpatient rehab for alcohol abuse. New meds, went to AA yesterday. Drink one
for me. Luv you guys."

K: "Good for you girl. Let me know how it is going. Call me if you need anything
at all, ok?"

ME: "Actually I need a fifth of Smirnoff! LOL! Thanks for being
so cool, sorry for putting you thru so much shit. Will call you tomorrow."

K: "Ain't no thang, sister. And no Smirnoff for you!
Seriously though, D {her boyfriend} and I both have your back, so don't hesitate to call if
you need anything at all. I love you!"

You guys, I am seriously freaked out. I thought she was going to ridicule me!

How come I never realized how many people actually cared about me? Too busy hiding behind my "party girl" persona?? Which, incidentally, never did anything positive for anyone.

Why did I feel the need to adopt that role in the first place?

Need to think...help!

April 9, 2005
1:01 am
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andrea6677
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I still hide behind the party girl role...it's so hard to get out of it, but it's great you're doing something positive and even better you see that people do care!!!

April 9, 2005
1:01 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good for you for bein in rehab.

I don't know the answer. Maybe you didn't want them to see you hurtin? Maybe you were afraid to show the real you? Maybe you didn't want to face your real world?

((((D-Dog))))

April 9, 2005
4:29 pm
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D dog
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Hi guys...

Made it throuhg Friday night without getting drunk! First time in YEARS!

I have a question, though - I did have 1-1/2 glasses of red wine with my pizza. Not buzzed at all, just tasted great. Poured 1/2 of the second glass back in the bottle, cuz I didn't WANT to get buzzed.

Still, I feel guilty. Does this mean I "fell off the wagon, even though it was only a glass and a half? Does sobriety mean NO alcohol whatsoever, of can it mean not ever exceeding 2 drinks?

April 9, 2005
4:35 pm
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mamacinnamon
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From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: the quality or state of being sober

I would guess that as long as you are sober then you haven't fallen off the wagon. Do you know what the AA rules or standards say about it, if they do?

April 9, 2005
4:43 pm
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D dog
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Oh, I'm sure they would say never to take a single drink, for any reason. Although I did ask my sponsor this question at the meeting, and he said that if you can go a full week always being able to stop at 2 or less, you are probably not an alcoholic. But - if you go that week, and then go, "Yaaaay! I did it!" and then go out and get rat-assed, you definitely have a problem. (i.e., you can't "save up" drinks and then consume huge quantities at the weekend, or at any time).

What was strange is that in the past, when I felt a buzz coming on, I was all happy and relaxed and wanted more. Last night, I was like - yuck! Don't want to go there! It felt disgusting. I love being unimpaired, it is now very important to me to stay in touch with my true self.

H. called me at 5 in the morning - just home from his friend's house, had a "guys night out". Needless to say - somewhat tanked! Though I don't mind late-night/early morning calls from anyone, (as long as it's a Friday or Saturday and not a "work night"), I felt scared for him, not sure why.....

April 9, 2005
4:45 pm
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D dog
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I totally feel like Sandra Bullock in "28 Days" - when she finally started to get a clue!

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