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D dog Blog - Tuesday (5)
August 15, 2006
10:17 am
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D dog
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Last nite was easy - chinese food, pint of Hagendaaz, bed. Hey, I hope don't get "fat" cuz of this! Then again, it's not like 8 glasses of wine is low cal; hopefully I'll just break even!

I was so pleased - and touched - by the posts from others with this same problem...helping others is my ultimate goal (I AM still a codep, after all, LOL!). Seriously, you guys - I know what it's like.

My main strategy here has been acceptance and humor. Accepting that I have no control over alcohol, and humor because although it is a very serious issue, it's not the end of the world - it doesn't have to be - it's a chemical addiction caused by a prediliction that I think I was born with...NOT a character flaw. I am still a beautiful person, alcoholic or not - and by conquering the addiction I will be able to clearly see my real self and carry on to a meaningful life.

That's the plan, anyway...

Not that I'm sitting here coasting along, being everyone's mentor...I'm not Lolli (hi girl! - I mean that in a positive way, not that you're 'coasting', just that you're strong!), I'm not out of the woods, and I'm sure there's gonna be the "I need a drink, please help me", or the "I had a glass of wine with dinner, oh my god" post somewhere down the road. I mean, hopefully not, but I am not so crazy as to believe that I am "cured" after 4 days. Fact is, I'll never be "cured". But I don't think about never being able to drink again, I just think about each day individually. That's the only way, for me.

Another thing, when I first started this, and even still, now, I looked at "not being able to drink" as a sort of punishment. But ya know what? It isn't - it's not like, "You're a weak sack of s**t so you're not allowed to drink!" It's more like: "You are choosing not to ingest a poison that distorts your perception and causes havoc in your life!"

Think of it that way...good luck with today, all...keep posting, I need you guys!!!

August 15, 2006
10:58 am
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thumkin
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I admire your courage. It probably helps that you have a sense of humor. Stay strong and look one day of abstinence is a major accomplishment and you already have more than that:)

August 15, 2006
8:57 pm
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D dog
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Well, here's a funny thing. Got a voicemail from someone confirming my attendance at BF's sister-in-law's jewelry party 2morrow. Do I have ANY recollection of agreeing to go to said party, or even a clue what it IS? NOPE!

Why? Yes, folks, musta been drunk!

F**k me runnin'. Now I have to call sis-in-law and pretend like I remember.

Ok.

August 15, 2006
10:03 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi D-dog,

Can I just say....been there, done that.

That same scenerio was a running joke with me and my friends while I was drinking. Very often I would call my g/f and say...."OMG...you'll never believe what drunk Lolli agreed to last night. Sober Lolli does NOT approve"

Give me a couple of drinks and I would agree to just about anything. And then of course...being the type that didn't want anyone to be mad at me...I would always do what I said I would do...whether sober Lolli wanted to or not.

I can't even tell you how many times I agreed to sell raffle tickets, volunteer for stuff, go to tupperware parties for people that I don't even LIKE...not to mention I can't stand those types of parties. No offense to anyone here who likes them....I just see them as a way for people to make their friends come to their house and feel obligated to spend outrageous amounts of money on crap we don't need....just so that said friend can get free stuff. Well hooray for you...you got free stuff....meanwhile I just paid $50 for a 1x1" picture frame!

Whew...that was cathartic.

Anyway....glad to see you are still keeping your humor and hey....have fun at that party 🙂

Lolli

August 15, 2006
10:42 pm
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esvedra
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August 15, 2006
10:47 pm
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esvedra
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Sorry hit the send button. It seems that everyone here is female but me. Maybe I should not be posting here.

I've got the same problem though.

Now comes the night and all the memories and unfelt anguish. Sometimes it's there and then it's gone. It seems you guys have mates to hang with. I don't any more. I have to rebuild from scratch. I have friends at work but I never got openly drunk with them. I could manage very well as long as I had my bottle at home.

August 16, 2006
12:13 am
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Shaney
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None of these threads are gender specific... AT ALL. You're posting in the right place if you feel you need to be here or have something to offer. Stay. I think you can benefit from this series of threads. D dog has a way of writing that speaks to everyone. :o)

Hey D... I think you found your calling, even if it's only for the time being. But who knows... the longer you're sober the longer we can look forward to this sobriety blog!!! People love this blog... you make sense, and your style speaks to people, D. Your thoughts are inspirational, funny, helpful, sometimes a downer, but HEY, we can all relate.. which is all that matters. You reak of talent, sister. See where it takes you!

Can't wait for day 6. Keep it up, my friend.

August 16, 2006
8:01 am
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CAMER
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D, today is day 5 for you, waiting for you to post & today the focus will be on you and not drinking for today!!! good luck, you are a true
inspiration!

August 16, 2006
9:30 am
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reachingout
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D-Dog
Ok I made it through day 1 I had some tropical flavored water last night.
This also helps the no contact thinking about not drinking so not thinking about x no sleep but I guess it will come I'll try and hang in there...Thanks for this thread and wish me luck 1 day under my belt and I even had to go to the store without buying anything but water..Herrray..

August 16, 2006
10:08 am
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D dog
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Left sis-in-law a voicemail saying I had forgotten about the party, but still wanted to go so give me a call, blah blah blah. She didn't call back - so unless she leaves me a voicemail while I'm at work 2day, I'm off the hook. Whew!

Lolli, that is so funny - I know, I did that all the time, too! Everything sounded GREAT when I was drunk, then the next day, I was like, "Whhhhyyyy??" Except I would fabricate an excuse and not go, which of course gave me the reputation of being horribly unreliable. Which I was.

That reminds me, last month I called sis-in-law to ask when she and her husband wanted me to bring over the rent (they own the house we're in), and she was like, "You guys already paid it...?" BF and I had both forgotten that BF's brother came over a few nights earlier! Oh my God! I felt like a complete ass. It's not like it could have "slipped my mind", cuz I actually wrote a check for my portion...I'd like to see the handwriting on that one - LOL!

Esvedra - I'm glad you're a dude! It will be helpful to have the thoughts of the opposite gender here...please keep posting! And don't be afraid of the feelings...let them come, they are YOUR feelings after all, and are therefore valid. Share with us, maybe we can help sort them out??

Reaching - yeah, I did the tropical fruit water when I started out, it's actually pretty good once you get over the wistful, "Gee, this would be really good with vodka" aspect. I find the non-alcoholic beer to be really good, cuz it still feels like "a reward" after a long day.

My strategy for weeknights has been - eat as soon as I get home! That knocks the drinking aspect right out. So far so good.

BF hasn't had any booze this week either and is now on day 4. Good for him, but I'm dreading the weekend...hope he decides to abstain with me...we'll see.

Camer - flattered that "an oldtimer" (my first contact on this site lo those many years ago) is here with me! Thank you!!! Who knew???

Hey Shaney - yeah, I'm going to compile, print and edit these "blogs" and start working on an article...thank you SO much for the encouragement...this makes getting sober a double-edged good thing...maybe the key to my happiness all along has been to stop drinking. I'm really starting to believe that!

See you all on day 6...which, by the way, is a personal record, first time in those 5 years I've gone this long! Yaaaaay!

August 16, 2006
10:20 am
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reachingout
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D-Dog
I did the N/A for a long time I even had a couple of parties and I drank N/A but they or the one I drank had 5% alcohol in it so I never really quit and always went back to the regular stuff so check the content of the one your drinking I think the Abduol spelled wrong I know anyway is alcohol free but not sure

August 16, 2006
10:57 am
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Isis
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D-dog- you're an inspiration!

Although I don't have an issue with substance abuse,(seems like the only thing I don't have an issue with) I find I'm looking forward to reading your daily blog. Best of luck to you girlfriend- and keep on keeping on.

Be true & kind to yourself.

Isis

August 16, 2006
1:07 pm
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jewel
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D dog,

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that you are quitting drinking. I remember some of our posts about our struggle with drinking. It is a hard battle to fight, but you can win it. I am so happy for you. It has to be hard with the bf drinking. My bf doesn't drink so I don't have to be around it. I just have to hear about all the drunks at work and how they are going to go out and get drunk or have a drink after work. I am so not jealous of them. I am in a better place in my life right now. Living alcohol free lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders. I also would make plans or agree to go places with people and then the day would come when we were suppossed to go out and I would say I wasn't feeling well. I am reliable now. I have nothing to hide. It was like I was available in the day when I was sober and would totally disappear in the night as I sipped or should I say chug my red wine. I drank the cheap kind in the box. One box would last me 2 nights. That is 2 and a half liters a night. Shit, that is crazy. I don't even drink that much soda. I barely weigh 120 so how did I do it and my body digest that stuff. I guess that is why I was hung over all of the time. I remember getting so blasted and calling my boyfriend and not remembering. I used to make excuses when he said I sounded drunk that I took allergy medication. He knew. He just didn't want to admit it I think. He knew deep down I was a good person with a problem and he stuck by my side through it all. And now, 2 and a half years later, we are about to get engaged. You will notice the longer you are sober, the better things will get. I thought the beginning was the hardest because you are just trying to break the habit of drinking so much(you can break that by replacing that with water or another fav. drink-even something high cal.) Who cares at this point. And at first it is hard because you miss the buzz. You don't know what to do with yourself when You are sober. You seem to have so much time so you will have to try and keep busy. That is just some advice from me. I have been wine-free for over 5 months now. No lie. I never thought I could do this. I drank nearly every day for the last 6 years or so. Keep posting and I will do the same. Sending out a big congrats to you d dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jewel

August 16, 2006
6:17 pm
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D dog
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Jewel -

Yes! The box wine! That was my poison of choice also. I too could get thru one in 2 days. Talk about nasty hangovers...but the buzz was quick and intense, so I didn't care. I went for five years drinking nearly every day, so we have that in common also.

I listen to people at work talk about drinking, too...I laugh and join in, no need for them to know my issues...I don't socialize with any of them at the moment, so no harm done. The social hurdle will come in the future, but hopefully by that time I'll be on more solid ground.

Glad to hear that things get better...already, I feel better about myself. Will start a day 6 blog, haven't had time and this thread has been "hot", with well-wishes and great advice!

Thanks for chiming in, you've been in my thoughts this whole time as you are a success story that has inspired me!!

Take care!

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