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Cutting
April 5, 2003
7:10 pm
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Anonymous
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Can anyone share what they know about this? I've read that it's mostly teen girls and I have a serious concern with my daughter...thanks for any input

April 5, 2003
7:43 pm
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sosos I can tell you it isn't just teen girls that do this, however the first time I did it I was a teenager.

There are many different reasons for cutting! Has she talked to you about this or have you just seen evidence of cutting? Cutting can become addicting just like anything else.

I still don't understand it totaly myself, or maybe I don't understand me totaly yet.

April 5, 2003
7:51 pm
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There's 2 kinds of cutters from what I've seen. There are the cutters like me that did it for the pain. I still don't know why I did it. I just knew that for some reason I needed to feel the pain. It distracted me from the other things going on in my life at the time.

When I was hospitalized, I met one other person like me. The rest of the cutters I saw did it mainly for the attention. They cut themselves and flaunted the scars. Never missed a moment to whip them out on you to show you what they did to themselves.

I don't have any advice on how to help in either case. I personally stopped doing it because the docs kept finding out about it. As a result they'd look closer at me and I'd end up back in the hospital. I went from cutting my hands and arms, to cutting my feet, then to burning myself. I got tired of hiding it and being exposed so I stopped doing it.

What does your daughter do that is concerning you?

April 5, 2003
8:13 pm
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Hi Sosos,
I hope that your daughter is ok....did you find unexplained cuts?

If you have, maybe she is so stressed about her dad and brother? I hope you can talk with her and find out what she is feeling. I think I remember Jess doing this too awhile back also.

I am glad that Silence offered his opinion....as he has first rate experience and I value his opinion too.

Best Wishes

April 5, 2003
8:26 pm
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hey you use to be a cutter. the pain was too much for me to handle so i had to find some way to destract the pain and finding sometihng was the besy way to do it and it worked beucase you were woirrred about was the pain when you cut your self and your problems where much as impostant at the time. it was i away that i excaped to pain and it worked really well but then it changed i was doing it beucase i counldnt hadle life and i wanted it to end. so yeah its very hard for us teenages there is so much stress on us with school exams and testes and things like that our peers put pressure on us and figure and what our physical looks are and mentally and thn you got family and tihngs like taht its very hard to understand form a parents point of view how a teenager is thinking. beucase i know beucase i'm a teenger who is 15 and i try and talk to people and they dont understand where i'm comming form apualy parents. i'm not saying you are bad or anything i'm saying its very hard form us. sorry if i affendid you in any way. Luv You Jess xoxoxo

April 5, 2003
8:31 pm
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Hi Jess,
Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I am glad that you are not cutting yourself anymore. Same with you Silence. Hugs

April 5, 2003
9:52 pm
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Thanks to all of you for sharing...this is new, just found out yesterday when the school guidance counselor called. Some kids were overheard talking about her, or about her doing it. When she got home from school and I called her, just busted out crying and apologizing. She said she'd done it 3-4 times and yes, because of her dad and brother. I talked to her when I got home, but didn't get to ask her how it made her feel, or what it did for her. The whole thing just tore me up so bad yesterday, that I didn't know exactly how to handle it. She saw her Dad last Sunday, then did it on Monday. Both arms have two cuts, done with a knife. I can't even imagine this from her, she freaks that any little scrape or scratch or boo boo will turn into a scar for life. She can't stand blood, needles, etc. She worries that her Dad is still on drugs, that her brother is too, and both will end up dead. I called and made at an appt. with her counselor, she hadn't been there in six months and I thought she was doing so much better. But Sunday was the first time she saw him in three months and she can't handle seeing him. Which I said was perfectly fine with me and her choice. And eventhough she doesn't want to see him, she feels bad as if she's hurting him by not talking or seeing him. I haven't told him yet...my friends think I should but he wouldn't understand or be compassionate and I'm afraid of what he might say to her.

April 6, 2003
7:35 am
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SOSOS,
Not familiar with the cutting thing but can relate to access visits stuffing up my kids lives. My teenager now has depression due to the rejection of his father. This last visit your daughter had with her dad really must have upset her and made her very emotionally unstable. She dosn't want to see him, but feels guilt and obviously loyalty towards him but when she realises, it is her she has to look after with her emotional wellbeing not his probs. Hopefully this will come in time, sooner than later for her sake & yours. I have to agree with you in not telling him, go with your gut instinct, as you know what is best, as I know in my case if I involved my son's dad he would just wreck things even more for my son. Eg: come into his life & then go again. Do you mind if I ask is she on anti-depressants as this does sound like alarm bells are ringing a bit.

April 6, 2003
8:16 am
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She's not on anything, but it is certainly something I'll be discussing when I get her to the counselor appt. She's only had about 4-5 visits with him in the 10 months we've been out of the house and none of them went well, but this last visit she wanted me with her so it was light, and we went bowling and he just sat and watched her. But she has the fear of his destruction that I had for a long time, and I have become more resolved with it but for a child it is so hard and my heart breaks. Part of me wanted to tell him just to attack and say "see how you affected your children!!!" but then he will just use that to further self destruct and just never understood any of our feelings throughout all of this. It's just always about him.

April 6, 2003
2:13 pm
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Hi sos.I too am a teen girl-18 to be precise,and I am a cutter.One thing I can say that your daughter is brave,and lucky to have someone like you to tell about her S.I.It would take a great deal of courage to tell someone,anyway they do it.

Hope your daughter gets the help she deserves

Tinker x x x

April 6, 2003
4:50 pm
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sosos please don't take any blame upon yourself for this behavior in your daughter. Talk to her help her but don't blame yourself. When I first stared counseling that is when I really went wild with the razor, just love her. Just like you have heard here, when we cut at times I don't think we really have that one right answer why we do it. What is so hard for me, is the last time I cut it was the best feeling of relief that I had experenced in along time. I have to ask myself "what the hell was that about" but it's is a feeling I know I better not go after again anytime soon. It's not a black and white subject, just love and support her. I never talked to my parents about this behavior I lied to them and they believed me, now after all these years they finlly know I have cut at least a few times but cause I finally did a number on myself couldn't hide and I am to tired and to old to lie about it anymore.

April 7, 2003
4:42 pm
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no i had an adult friend that did it, if you are concerned your daughter is doing it take care of it now

April 7, 2003
6:56 pm
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what cutting are u talking about?? cutting ur wrist or cutting class??? or maybe i am just way off and dont know what the hell am saying???? =)

April 7, 2003
7:07 pm
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Cutting skin with a sharp object.

April 7, 2003
7:38 pm
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u know i have a friend who is always depressed has nothing to do with bfs, instead her family and even her own couselors piss her off and do stuff to her. so she was telling me that she wanted to do that and i was like no dont do that and i was like can i ask u something and am like can i see ur wrist? and i just got her hand to check she hasnt done nothing. but she has told me before she has tried to do that and she has tried stabbing herself in other places too. i think people who have problems and are constantly depresed by something will do this to get away from the pain...or they will tried to do worse things like comit suicide in ANY way. i have tried to be there for her but sometimes i get tired because i dont wanna hear the same thing over and over. i think she should continue with her life no matter what and not let her parents win this battle. i tried to cheer her up sometimes i can. later yall.

April 7, 2003
8:06 pm
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Copyed this off the net!!!

People who self-mutilate. That sounds like a prime topic for a trashy talk-show doesn't it? Self-injury is actually a disease in which a person purposely damages his or her body without trying to kill themselves. Self-injury is sometimes called self-mutilation, self-harm, and many other terms. The injuries that people give themselves from this range from limb amputation to over-zealous scratching.
Self-injury is attracting a lot of attention from the media and many other sources, from rock stars who glorify self abuse to teen-oriented magazines that warn against the dangers and the causes of self-injury. Some people are attempting to become more
educated on this disease by learning about why or when it occurs. Self-mutilation is sometimes an associated feature of other diseases such as Multiple Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

A typical self-mutilator begins during late childhood and can continue 10-15 years, unless the self-mutilation becomes chronic. There are many common factors in those who are self harmers. These factors include substance abuse, violence at home, and perfectionist patterns.

You may be wondering how you can identify a person who self-mutilates. Usually, you can't. "People who self-injure are often difficult to recognize because they are professionals at covering up the marks that are left behind from abuse, much like the battered woman or the anorexic." claims Vybthua Vietmier, a social worker at the University of Missouri at St. Louis. So how can you help? You can help a person with a tendency to self-harm by listening.

People who self-injure are often thought of, by society, as being "different" or even "crazy." Those who self-injure are often ostracized due to their disease. The stigma hinders many of these people from getting help. Those who self-injure also tend to not
confide in people for fear that the other person will view them negatively.

Due to fear of ostracization, self-mutilators are not diagnosed properly. This is because doctors will sometimes believe that self-injury is actually another disease. The results of such diagnoses could have adverse affects on the person who self-mutilates.

The key to stopping the behavior of these people is helping them control those urges. A person who suffers from self-mutilation needs to have other positive sources convincing them that there is another way to operate in life besides self-injury. Some resources on self-injury, the disease and how to help cure it, can be found in books such as Self-Cutting: Can it be prevented? By K. Hawton. There are also Internet resources which include a web page titled Secret Shame, located at http://www.palace.net/~llama/p.....njury.html. You can also call local hospitals and ask them to refer you to someone who is an expert on self-injury.

If you know someone who is a victim of self-mutilation, remember that those people are not "freaks" but people with legitimate diseases, and are truly suffering.

April 7, 2003
8:54 pm
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Yeah. When I was in the hospital, they just treated it like it was a symptom of whatever we were diagnosed with. Be it depression, or borderline disorders. Self-mutilation was just another sign that we were suffering from some other disorder.

April 8, 2003
8:27 am
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I think she wanted people to know, eventhough she says she wished I didn't. I mean, it came out within days of doing it (which of course she said was the 3rd time). She talked to her brother and asked if he knew and talked about feeling bad, but didn't actually tell him, knowing that he would immediately ask me. So I told her father because he wanted to know what was wrong with her. So far he hasn't mentioned it to her when he called which was my fear because he could be so dam ignorant and insensitive to any elses needs. But she hasn't tried to hide it and I'm surprised my neighbor who spends alot of time with us didn't ask her. I think he senses somethings wrong, but is being careful not to ask or be involved. My girlfriend saw it also, but knew and didn't ask. I hope it wasn't a mistake to make an appt. with the counselor, I asked her first if that's what she wanted to do and she said yes. She is very angry at the girl that told on her and I have a problem with that. I tried to make her understand that this girl risked her friendship and the trust of other friends who knew she told, all in an attempt to help her friend and that she is actually a great friend for doing so and that means so much. I hope she will be able to see that. Thanks Tinker for sharing about yourself, can I ask what steps you've taken or progress you've made with this? Angie, thanks for the great information, I'm trying to read all I can and understand this, I feel so guilty about the fact that I moved us out and changed her school, and went from a nice home in a neighborhood, to an appt. where she's feeling so couped up all the time. But she really seemed to be adjusting, made friends, they've come here, she's gone there, it seems she always busy. But her grades have gone straight down and I keep thinking it's just this first year, and hopefully next school year will be better without any adjustment.

January 21, 2005
12:41 am
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To SOSOS:

Your daughter is SO lucky. No one has a clue about what I do...and I'm not sure whether I like it that way or not...but anyways...If you're wondering how you should approach it or whatever, don't try to be scientific or knowledgable. If someone reacted like that to me, I would be scared off (btw, I'm 14...somehow I thought this was around the age of your daughter). It seems like you have a pretty good relationship with your daughter if she's able to break down in front of you...that definitely doesn't happen in all mother-daughter relationships. Just talk...about anything. It doesn't have to be about her problem...anything to keep her mind off cutting. I know this sounds like avoiding the problem, but I've given some other people this advice and it really seemed to work for them...

So...keep her mind off of things. Make sure you're there for her and you talk. That sounds SO cliche to me and to probably everyone else, but I think talking really would help...and beat her father to a pulp...he has no right to cause a girl to go to these lengths to feel comfort...

Hope this helps and it didn't make anyone nautious with the cheesiness.

Good luck.

-AtWarWithMyself

January 21, 2005
3:52 pm
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to whom it may consern,

I have issues with cutting.I'm telling you from experince that this is not a heathy habbit. It is not the way to handal your problems.you can always find someone to talk to.

February 5, 2005
10:18 pm
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SweetAmanda
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Another one for you to read SFB!

February 25, 2005
12:53 am
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SweetAmanda
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here's a good post about cutting

February 25, 2005
1:06 am
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sewunique
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Thank you Amanda ...

for bringing this particular post back to our attention. Silence's (hey there guy), post is quite interesting in his description that many do this for attention and he said 'flaunt it'.

I do realize that cutting is a serious issue, having worked with girls who did this. It can be caused by deep, emotional psychlogical pain. Then again, it may be something that is gaining popularity as an attention seeking behavior. I am presently web surfing to gain more information on this topic, just for my personal interest.

In the meantime, I feel that should anyone who posts with this behavior, that we treat this as any other poster seeking information. To remain calm, and provide support, reassurnace and refer them to gain further assistance with counseling or reporting this to someone. We seem to be gaining more and more of this type of behavior of late. Just offering my take on it.

Sew

February 25, 2005
1:10 am
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Yeah, silence said it the best. That's pretty much what I came across while I was growing up, the 'two types'.

(((((silence))))) *miss you!*

February 25, 2005
1:11 am
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addicts wife
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sew...
damn yer good!!!
🙂
thanks for your words, I was gunna say something very similar, but u did it already!!
**winky smile

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