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cutting again...
November 20, 2001
4:41 pm
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antisocial_sociopath
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For a while I stopped self harming. Stopped the wrist banging, the cutting the burning etc.
And now its started again.
My parents have started fighting again,
I lost someone who understood me
my gran, friend and godfather all died within 2 weeks.

I'm a mess again, this time people dont see it because I'm hiding all these feelings inside it's like I cant cry and underneath my cold heartedness there is this scared little girl who is so un happy and just wants someone to talk to.
What can i do?

November 20, 2001
5:59 pm
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DeadAlready
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i can't tell u not to cut, i can't tell u that u have no reason to cut....because i know how u feel. (OK so i may not be exactly in the same position as you, but i know what its like to get over cutting...then fall back again)

once you have got into the "habit", i find, that you want to cut at every chance and use anything as an excuse. true in my life anyways... there is a reason i started, and even after this "thing" had gone away i was still hurting myself. the few people i knew (who know i did it) would ask why i still did it, if the thing that made me start has gone. i would come up with things like "oh i had a bad day at work" or "im having money problems". i use any excuse to make up for it. i dont know why i dont just stop, bc its true- what provoked it has gone..... but i still carry on...... when ANYTHING else happens.

is this how You are too, or is it just mah weirdness?!!? šŸ˜›

November 20, 2001
8:11 pm
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cloud
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I wish I had the guts to do that.

November 20, 2001
8:39 pm
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DeadAlready
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amazing story blondie...

November 20, 2001
9:07 pm
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Britney
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You are one of a kind, Blondie.

Thanks for sharing that story

November 21, 2001
8:01 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Hi antisocial_phycopath-this sounds exactly like me!....."I'm a mess again, this time people dont see it because I'm hiding all these feelings inside it's like I cant cry and underneath my cold heartedness there is this scared little girl who is so un happy and just wants someone to talk to. What can i do?"

Exactly my question

all the best
Tinkerbe11

November 21, 2001
10:31 am
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lover2000
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Antisocial,

Please stop cutting yourself. I really want 4 u 2 seek help, it's really not worth riaking your health. As for your parents, get outta there if u can, is there ne1 u can stay w/? As for your friends dying, I know exactly how it feels 2 lose some1 u care about & lose a lot of people in 1 sitting. This summer, my friend died in a car accident, and exactly 1 week later my aunt died. This was the hardest thing of my life. As I went to both funerals, I felt like "Oh Lord, here we are again šŸ™ But after a while, life gets better, you just gotta hold on. I know how it feels 2 live in an abusive situation too. It was never my parents b/c both were very loving & caring. It was my roommate my 2nd yr in college, he was a psychopath & made life miserable 4 me. I resorted 2 using drugs & it only created more problems. I'm saying all this 2 say, don' t hurt yourself, instead try focusing on what u can do 2 solve your problem. If your parent's fighting gets 2 u & u feel angry or upset, & u have no where 2 go 2 get away from the situation, why not try going 4 a walk and take as long as u need. Be strong.

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