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Cutie14 update...
October 2, 2000
4:42 pm
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Cutie14
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yeah, hi. Um things are really bad again. My boyfrined is really depressed, he even cut himself yesterday. My parents think that I spend to much time on line and also that I spend to much time and emotions thinking and talking to my boyfriend...well I am on line a lot, but my grades are great, and I really care about my boyfriend so that is why I care so much, and he cares a lot about me. I mean I don't worry about him to much, i know that he is his own person and that he can take care of himself. I am also on line a lot becuase I am helping people with the similar feelings about everything like being depressed as I do. But I am getting so sick of being depressed!!!!!!! one of my now ex friends sent my b/f a really mean e-mail telling him to die and stuff, for absolutely no reason. He didn't do anything to her, or me. She just is being a jerk! HELP!!!!!!

Cutie14

October 2, 2000
5:38 pm
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Molly
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Cutie, I usually don't say what you want to hear, and I won't stop with the stand that I usually take. To live a healthy life you need balance, and you need to grow into some situations. Your friends do not sound like happy successful people, those are the ones that are to busy being successful to get caught up in destructive things like gossip. I know that peer pressure is hard, and we want to be accepted and fit in, but what are these folk all about? How do they support your art, how do they support you? Maybe you do spend to much time on line and get caught up in all the problems, even therapists need balance. Do you exercise? That helps depression so much, its on all of my treatment plans for my clients. I still think you are trying to be a grown up, when was the last time you were silly?

October 2, 2000
7:18 pm
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Most of my friends are happy successful people who like me for who I am and care about me, but there are 2 "friends" that don't feel that way about me at all. All they seem to do is cut me down, so as of today, they aren't my friends anymore, cause i shouldn't have to take that from them. I exercise sometimes, and I am silly a lot, when I am in a good mood. You probably would have no clue who I was if you saw me in a good mood, i can be so hyper, funny, and really outgoing, when I am in a good mood. my face even turns purple sometimes cuase I laugh so hard, i have a lot of laughing attacks, even at school. they are really fun, it is just that sometimes when I am really down, I forget about the good times and concentrate on the bad, I mean don't we all!? So anyway, I agree with you about me trying to be to grown up sometimes...eventhough I can be silly, there are a lot of times when I am too serious.

Cutie14

October 2, 2000
8:31 pm
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Molly
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Could this be a manic depressive situation? What you described is real high and real lows, which not to scare you is adolescents period, but does this sound familiar? YOu need to exercise daily, and you are right to cut those 2 friends loose. Get rid of being to serious until you are a grown up, that is what time is all about

October 2, 2000
9:28 pm
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ok cutie one thing: your boyfriend goes and cuts himself. fine. then how can you say that he can take care of himself ????? Think about it!

i think u're being too frantic in life. u need to chill out. howz that?

October 2, 2000
9:30 pm
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cutie i have problems too. lots of them. were u abused when u were small? emotional abuse counts too. what are your parents like, do u love them? do they love you? important questions.

October 2, 2000
9:51 pm
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no I wasn't abused while I was a child, my parents are pretty nice and everything, it is just that well I used to be able to talk to my dad, but now he is never home...he is always talking about airplanes, that is his work and what he does for fun, so in other words, airplanes are his life! And my mom, well I can kinda talk to her starting just a while ago, but it is really hard to trust. Yeah I love them, and ya I am pretty sure that they love me. any other questions???

Cutie14

October 2, 2000
10:20 pm
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just one more question... : what are the last 4 digits of your ss#? j/k :).

well i dont know... there must be a reason why you are feeling all these things. they might have something to do with how u were parented. http://www.living-library.com/.....esteem.htm is good. see the homepage too. i'm gonna look at it. there were some links in it before at a time, which were good, i learnt a lot about my parenting and how defected it was, from those pages. if u're interested in them, i can arrange for u to see them.

i dont know cutie14, but there are reasons why we behave the way we do. i'm myself going to start group counseling. its a new thing, i havent tried it yet. i have so many problems myself... so many of them. try to find reasons why u are having the problems in life? with ur boyfriend?
do u see that ur boyfriend cant take care of himself? good luck.

October 3, 2000
1:52 pm
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Hey cutie, sounds to me like you are taking care of everyone except for the most important person, yourself.
Take a break from the online activity and try to find a new hobby and forget about the bf

October 3, 2000
4:48 pm
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Ok, just to make this clear...I am not having any problems with my boyfriend!!!!!!!! We have developed a very stong and trusting relationship, and that is one of the things in my life that I value the most and that keeps me going day to day...and today I went to the councler cause I was worried about my boyfriend, and so then the councler had him come down too, and so we didn't develop much progress, but at least now I kinda know a little bit more about what is bugging him. I am still really worried, but I can take care of myself and worry about other people at the same time, I have been doing that forever!! So I guess what I am tring to say is that I am not going to break up with my boyfriend cause that would only make us more depressed and I would regret it forever...and I am really glad that I am not friends with those 2 people that were being jerks, that makes my life a lot less stressful:)

Cutie14

October 3, 2000
7:42 pm
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Molly
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Cutie, there is good love and there is evil love. You can't have a good love with a sick person, and if a person cuts them selves, that is a very big sign that something is not right. You both have a bond, I get that and you are there for each other, but you must aske your self why???? This sounds like co-dependency which is a catch all phrase that I don't like, but when you care for some one, and you catch their disease, or visa versa, it is not a good thing, that will progressively get worse. We can't predict the behavior of another person, and there are some scenarios that I could put out here that you would laugh at and say not me, no sir never, but half the women, and men on these pages never thought they would end up in the mess that they are in, it is a slow decline, that slips and slips until your on your ass. Its not a good picture from here, and if this is love, and you two are destiny, then it can be put on hold, and you can give it a break to see the rest of the picture for a while, and talk to your mom, we are not always psychic, we don't always know that you need us, or that you are hurting. Talk to her.

October 3, 2000
9:38 pm
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ok i think you should talk to your friends and see why they are being like that. also have you thought that you have been acting like your boyfriend is more importent then your friends. well i really think you should ask them.

October 12, 2000
5:07 pm
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Ok, listen ~ I know you're online trying to help people. But you really need to try & stay off for at least a few days!! I know it's hard at first, but you'll get used to it. Everyone's problems will still be on here when you get back. You need to do that so you can contain your own stress & not gain anyone else's!! You need to take some time off for yourself. Be around people that make you happy & that have a positive influence for your personality & emotions. Talk to your boyfriend ~ but don't go overboard!! You both need time for yourself!! Good luck & keep us all updated!!

~Hillary!~

October 14, 2000
6:45 pm
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Hi everyone,
This is Cutie14. Just to let you all know, my life seems to be spiraling down and down and down! I have started cutting again and they are deeper cuts then before. I cut for 2 days then didn't for 6 days but then started again. I don't know what to do anymore...I have talked to all of my frineds and most of my family about my "stiuation" but it doesn't seem to help! I am so lost! My b/f is also depressed but that isn't important anymore cuase he is being a jerk at the moment so I dotn' really care bout how he is feeling anymore, like you all have said I should really forget about him, and i htink that i am going to do just taht one of these days in the near future. Well I'd better go now, bye
Cutie14

October 14, 2000
8:19 pm
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P.S. you know how earlier I was talking about how trusting my and boyfriends relationship was???? Well one day he was really depressed so he stayed home and he wrote me an e-mail talking bout how depressed he was and how he had cut 4 times the earlier day, and I was really concerned so I told my 4 closest friends and the counceler at my school, now he said that he can't trust me ever again!!!!!! and he has been saying really mean hurtful stuff about me to my best frined, and that really hurts!!!! I mean now that he can't trust me, I am not going to trust him so I don't really know how our relationship is going to stay a relationship much longer, but whatever.

Cutie14

October 14, 2000
9:38 pm
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janes
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if you can honestly say..."whatever, good for you..." because that is so true. If you care for someone and see them doing something hurtful to themselves...you need to say something about it.

self mutilation ()hurting yourself) is a sign of deep troubling problems. How brave of you to try to help.

But if he doesnt' see it the dame way...that's his problem not yours. don't become codependent over it.

October 15, 2000
10:07 am
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Cutie14
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Thanx Janes,
Finally someone who sees it the way I do!!!!!! I am not sure what I should do still, cause we both are cutting now and we can't trust, I think I am going to wait until Monday or somehting and let everything work its self out. Usually I would call him and talk to him about it, but that just isn't possible anymore....Maybe the time has come when we should "see other people" but the thing is that I am kinda afraid to be boyfrinedless! But since I am only 14 I should get over that and maybe we could get back together when we are no longer depressed, I sure hope everything works out, one way or another, well thanx again, bye for now....
Cutie 14

October 15, 2000
3:43 pm
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janes
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If you are both self mutilators then you both need help....professional help! BIG TIME!!!!

Consider what you would think if you found out your little sister or brother were cutting....

This is nothing to fool with. SEEK HELP

God did not wire us to hurt ourselves but to try to sustain our lives.

October 15, 2000
7:02 pm
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cutie, youre only 14. youre going too fast. slow down, enjoy life, dont think so much.. (i know its easier said than done, keep trying. there's no other way than to keep trying)

October 16, 2000
8:41 pm
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Cutie14
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yeah i know that we both need help....well I am getting help on Friday and I don't know about him. I know that I need to slow down and enjoy life but that is so hard to do now, I mean I have been like this for so long, it would be really hard to change. And just to let you all know, I am an only child, so I wouldn't even begin to know how it would feel to see my little sister/brother cut. Bye
Cutie14

October 17, 2000
12:37 am
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nice cutie.. good luck. what type of help are u getting? its ok.. its hard to change, but possible..
u're luckty cause ure young. its easier to change while ure young.

October 17, 2000
3:37 pm
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Yes ... what hep are you getting.? You have been like this for so long? I'm elderly at 48 ...believe me thing take on a different perspective after a few years.

You can't e4ven imagine what it would be like? You need to get out of your self absorbed world and see what trouble dpeople are dealing with.....

Good Luck with seeking help..go girl.

October 17, 2000
6:31 pm
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Cutie14
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Hi everyone:)
Guess what?! I am going to break up with my boyfriend, that is a good thing, pretty much. casue I don't like that much anymore cause we NEVER talk cause we have nothing to tlak about. And the reason he doesn't want to break up with me is because he thinks that if he does, I would kill myself!!!!!! What a dweb! I wouldn't do that! I'm not that stupid! So anyway...the bad part is that there is already another guy that has a huge crush on me and so I will probably go out with him sometime soon, but there is NO WAY that it is going to be anywhere as serious as my last relaionship, that was way to serious for my age.
And about the help, I am not sure what kind I am giong to be getting, but some sort of profesional...better go now, bye.
Cutie14

October 17, 2000
6:59 pm
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good. finally. u did the better thing.
damn.. girls are so lucky. boys get crushes and all girls need to do is pick the guy 'they' want. argh! thats so unfair for guys!
well maybe thats not true. i've had moments where the girls were after me (but for maybe microseconds only)

October 17, 2000
7:34 pm
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cutie
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cutie i knew you know who this is and good but i am glad you are going to breack up with him but i would solve all my problems first and then so your knew boyfriend wont have to go throught it like your old boyfriend. i am not tring to be mean that just what i think though so hope you are doing beter!k!
cutie

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