Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Cutie14 update...2
October 23, 2000
4:43 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello again! Guess what!? I have started cutting again and I attempted suicide this morning. I don't talk to anyone anymore, cause they can't help me and all I do is create problems for them. I am so sick of this. I really want to move where no one knows me, but that is impossible cause I am underage to be living on my own. I mean people "care and love" me, but it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I mean have talked to my parents about this, and it only made matters worse. I went to the "professional" but that didn't help. I am going to go back every 2 weeks and probably get some meds, but that will probably not help either. I am really trying to not be depressed but I mean it is impossible!

Cutie14

October 23, 2000
6:31 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cutie suicide is for real and for ever, if you want out of where you are at, you know what to say to the parents, and to the counselor, your one smart chick. I think an inpatient stay might be the answer, a break from all, and if you are open and honest with the treatment center, they can get you where you want to go. I am so sorry for your pain, and for where you are at , life is hard, but not that hard, cutting is not going to do a thing for you, but leave a mark of your pain, scream to the parents, to the counselors what you language to us. Take the steps to end this, it is up to you to make your needs clear.. That is as good as we can help you here. You language that you have it under controll, but I hear you don't , you want to be carressed, and feel the love, and darn it on line won't give you what you need. Cry louder to the people that can effect action on your behalf. Love to you.

October 23, 2000
7:48 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly, I have tried to talk to my parents and counselor, but that doesn't help me at all. I have been "crying louder" a lot, but everything stays the same. A very minor problem is that well you know how I broke up with my boyfrined, well now there is another guy that likes me and I am not sure if I should say yes or no. I mean I like him but I am not sure if I should get into another relationship before I figure out some solutions to some of my problems...But then I think that going out with him may make me happy, and so that is a plus. I won't become "serious" with him, and have promised myself that I won't let anything bug me about our relationship. Like if he doesn't talke to me for a few days or something, I will be ok with it. I mean you are all right in saying that guys aren't worth getting all upset about, and I promise I won't get all upset about anything to do with him.
What do you think???

Cutie14

October 23, 2000
8:39 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

oh no..
please cutie dont try killing urself again. its not the way out!
please.....

October 23, 2000
8:48 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'll try my darndest not to, but it is sooooooooo hard! sorry

cutie14

October 23, 2000
11:21 pm
Avatar
behcop
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think you should stop asking others what they think. You know what you think. If he makes you smile and you enjoy his company, then you know he makes you happy. If when your with him at times you aren't happy, ask yourself why. Are you making yourself happy? What have you communicated to your parents and counselor that they don't listen and let you cut yourself up? Are you communicating yourself clearly or are you asking for the unreasonable?

October 23, 2000
11:31 pm
Avatar
Brenda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

God bless you Cutie, you are loved and needed here, please pray for the strength you need to uplift you, surrender your will to your higher power and ask that your healing take place...bless you

October 24, 2000
6:29 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cutie, many women who started out young getting the attention of boys, like you have stated that you have been doing for years, use it like a drug. It is immediate gratifacation, a feel good experience that only lasts for so long, similar to drugs. I say no. Be friends, say hi , but you need to do some real work. I hear that you are not getting the love that you need,or developed a good sense of self worth, and might be some what spoiled, don't miss understand me, I am spoiled, I want every thing and I want it now, but the hard part is doing the work to earn it, If we are always getting things easy like good grades, attention and material things, we don't get the satisfaction that helps to develop self love and appreciation. You are smart,it sounds like things come easy to you, and because of that perhaps easily board. I don't want to sound critical of your parents because this is just you that I am able to hear, but what the hell is going on with them?? I haven't been able to understand how you could be going out for the legnth of time that you say you have, the amount of time that you spend on line, and cutting your self, my girls couldn't get a zit with out me noticing. We can hear your cry for help real loud, and I am very uncomfortable with what I read from you, but what can we do to help you? Again I trust that you are intelligent enough to know what to do to get out of your situation, the school authorities do not take suicide threats lightly. Tell them what you tell us, this is serious. There are many places to go and many things that you can do to get out of the space that you are in right now, and there have been many suggestions given to you. What do you need, or want?

October 24, 2000
7:30 pm
Avatar
Brenda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

amen molly!

October 25, 2000
5:45 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly, thats the problem, I have no idea what I need/want. I mean not at all. One minute when I am with one group of friends, I am all happy and my views totally change, the next minute I am with a new group of people and my mood changes again, and that keeps happening over and over again all day everyday. I mean I am in a lot of different groups so I hang around a lot of different people. Today I even noticed that I was getting mad at my best frined, for practially no reason at all. I wanted to slap her, and I don't know why I felt like that! I don't want to feel like that ever again, it was horriable. I mean I just don't know anymore. I am really worried about some of my friends though. You know the guy I recently broke up with? Well we are still pretty good friends and we both seem to be feeling the same way, I mean we are depressed for some of the same reasons...but sometimes he is way more depressed than I am, and he cuts himself deeper than I do, and that really worries me. Today I was thinking about how it was probably all my fault. I mean I don't think that he cut before, I mean you know how I did this past summer, and how I am now, well I wonder if he would still have gotten the idea to cut, If I wouldn't have brought it up ever or anything. I just don't know anymore. I am so worried about him. I have no idea what he is capable of, how far he is going to go...well actually I kinda know how far with this he wants to go, but I hope that he doesn't do that, cause then his best friend would, and then I would, and then my best friend would, and so on and so on. I mean like a bunch of people in our school are depressed and on the verge of suicide, and if one of us "broke the chain" it would create a domino effect! I don't know why I am telling you all of this, I guess I just needed to tell someone.

Cutie14

October 25, 2000
8:13 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This is really scarey. You have gotten that this is a safe place and that is why your communicating. Did the profesional counselor you were taken to by your parents give you any RX, like an antidepressant? This stuff could and would all go away for most of you if you got busy instead of dwelling in a group misery share. Depression is contagious, and so is feeling good. But you must do some thing different, to feel different. If you keep doing the same it will remain the same and thus perpetuation of the same feeling. Doesn't any body dance anymore? What about music, well then again that might be what started the depression thing. Sports is something that will change your chemestry, and keep you busy, not glamerous but not dangerous. When was the last time all of you thought about a list of positive things. consider the possibilities. What part of the world do you live in? the states? Is it cold, are you by the beach? It is so sad to hear you, and then to hear that there are many others like you , what a bummer group. I doubt that you have made your selves clear to authorities, or parents, because this is something that the school would need legally to take protective action. Go be open with the school counselor. As far as feeling responsible for teaching your friend, life is a choice, you made one by hanging with some one who was depressed, and cut, so you did,you made a choice, I am sure no one made you do it. Experimentation, on the dark and dangerous side.

Cutie I hear you need love, attention, recognition, and you are with to much time on your hands hanging with some people that are not a positive influence, or soing anything positive on a day to day basis. There is a new movie out Pay it Foreward, the teacher challenges the students to create a project that will effect the world in a positive way, he decides to do something for some one else, to make them feel good. Then the person who got the favor needs to do something for some one else, and on and on. When was the last time you did something big, maybe a sacrafice of your time or energy for some one. Why don't you find a home for seniors, and take them some flowers? Why don't you go to the library and read to children who's mothers are at work? Please think about being different, and maybe you will figure out what you want. Have you ever made a wish list, like what college, then where you want to travel, or even what new dress you want? There is so much to do, so many things to see, and to hear how the time is spent is sad and dangerous. Thank you for your trust, and please keep the conversation going. Let us know you are ok, and lets ditch the suicide thoughts

October 26, 2000
1:10 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

cutie, do you have anyone you like in ur family who cares for you? ur grandparents, any one of them? or aunts? describe ur relation with ur parents. do u share with them everything? do they pay attention to you? how do they treat you? now that u are already into pshychology stuff, u would also be aware of emotional abuse. do u know what it is? are u sure its not coming from ur parents? it could be one possibility. u have to find out what is wrong in ur life. most probably u are not to blame.

October 26, 2000
10:25 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cutie,

You know that it's perfetly normal for moods to change moment to moment, that's what life is all about. And you may feel better to know that a recent longitudinal study was published that revealed that people have less problems coping with things as they age. It's experience, the researchers say, that allows you to put things in perspective.

I say this because when I was a teenager, it was certianly a hellish experience. Other issues like being raped and also abused as a child seemed to bear down on me like a heavy weight. every moment was over-analyzed, turned over in my mind, and I simply couldn't let go of what it was that was hurting me.

As I grew up I realized that life is constant change. Moment to moment everything is in constant flux, from your own feelings to your own actions. this is especially true as an adolescent as your horomones fluxuate A LOT. I often joke to my mother that my life has been one hormonal surge after the other since my first period, and only now can I see objectively that I do have mood swings around my period and they are dramatic!

So what causes this terrible suffering that some of us feel? For me, it was me trying to hold on. Trying to hold on to memories, or even each moment as it passed. Trying to hold on to other people, even when they could leave or be taken from me at any moment.

Sorry this is so long, I just can competely understand where you're coming from and how you feel because I was there, only a few years ago. And I attempted suicide at one point. I remember sitting there, with three piles of pills in front of me. A few pills went down with water and then the phone rang. I sat up and I though, "what the hell am I doing?" I felt as though I was someone else, not me.

Regardless of all the anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs I've been on, what helped me regain my balance, and what still helps me today, is my understanding of life (and my faith in God, too cheesy, right?). I understand that everything changes, and to hold on to the moment causes suffering. Clinging to my possessions, or other people, causes suffering.

You are a strong girl. You are an extremely intelligent girl. Please read that book I recommended, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. You can get it at your library. You have to know that there is a way to stop suffering, but not by dying. It is by really living.

October 27, 2000
8:26 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok Cutie,
olie, olie oxen, free free free, come out come out where ever you are

October 28, 2000
2:04 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, Um...CiCi, you totally described what I am going through, well pretty much. And I have recently started going back to confirmation, and I am trying to go to church every sunday and I have been reading the bible...Those things have helped me a little bit, but then when something dramatic goes wrong or whatever, I totally forget about everything to do with God and I just go and cut. You all know that guy I was going out with for so long and I recently broke up with him??...well he was locked up in a hostipal on Wednesday and he came home on Friday....well he said that it was really horriable and that he never wants to go back there again, and that I wouldn't want to go there either...so I guess I am posed to stop cutting or something...we'll C bout that. Last night when i talked to him at the dance for a few minutes, I decided to not cut anymore...well then when I got home...I had a friend sleeping over and anyway, I got mad cause I realized 2 things.....1. I still love that guy....2. I can't stop cutting! So I put on my head phones (that played our song), left my friend in the other room, and then I closed the door, and cut, I cut really deep too, I mean it wouldn't stop bleeding for like 20 minutes. Then I sent him an e-mail tellng him I still like him, a lot! and then I told him about how I cut myself again, and I asked him to call me or e-mail me back. Well today I know that he was on line atleast 2 times, and so that he must have read my e-mail, and he didn't call or e-mail me!!!! Grr! But anyway, that isn't really important I guess. well I still had fun at the dance last night, I actually danced! I didn't slow dance with anyone though...but I guess that guys don't like me anymroe, I mean why would they like a girl that cuts herself??? well I guess taht I had better get off line now, ttly.

Cutie 14

October 30, 2000
6:18 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cutie, do you read what you write? What would you say to some one who presented you with the same circumstances??
I remember you said that you liked to give advice, what would you say?
I think that it is great that you are back to church, and doing some reading, some of the Bible straight though is difficult to comprehend. There are several good books that explore Biblical concepts.
When I talked about your connection to boys, it is the feelings that you languaged that you experienced that I feared for you. We as women at any age, should not be so devistated,ever!!!!. Could you go to your mom, crawl into her lap, and say I need a hug, and your love right now because I am hurting? Is she aware of your cutting, if so say I feel like to cut mom, its that bad. Guest guest asked if you had other family members that you could go to, if mom is not there for you maybe some one else, if not go to the church. Call a hot line talk to some one but put the knive away. I am sorry that your friend had such a bad experience, was it bad, or was he not ready? Love to you.

October 30, 2000
6:59 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just to let everyone know, I am now taking Prozac...just started today, so obiously I haven't seen any results, but hopefully it works for me! I can't really talk to my parents, but I have been able to talk to my uncle and my aunt. But they live an hour away, so it is always over phone or e-mail. Lately I haven't wanted to talk to anyone though, don't know why. ....about my friend, it was a pretty bad experience, but he doesn't talk about it, at least not to me. I am afraid of being sent there though cause my doctor was talking abotu that today! scary.

Cutie14

October 30, 2000
7:26 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cutie, love to you, and give the meds a try. But keep in mind if you act crazy, they treat you like your crazy, its easier than to listen, and work with you. I am sure it is hard for you to be open with the people who are close to you, its a trust thing that I am sure was violated a long time ago, part of the adolescent, parent thing. It is easy for me to sit here and type answers, because I do not feel responsible for your pain. I am sure that most parents must face tremendous guilt when their children act out, which is what you do when you cut your self, it is your way of crying out for pain. But you are smart enough to know its not all or only up to the meds, you must make better choices for your emotional well being. If you can talk to your Uncle or Aunt, do it, e-mail works. Just keep reaching out. Didn't answer my questions though, give it some time, We all are here for you. Be kewl

October 30, 2000
8:03 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

yea... cutie, have u tried going to your mom and telling her that you had a bad day at school or something?
just try it. tell her mom i'm feeling so depressed today. and then see how it works out. try it once. what do u think molly? should she try it for once?
or cutie, is it that u're afraid of ur mom finding our that u cut? if u're afraid, what do u think she would do if she found out?

October 30, 2000
8:22 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

sorry typos. second line 'tell your mom' instead of 'tell her mom'.
last line. 'finding out' instead of 'finding our'. thansk. (oops vicious circle of typos)

October 30, 2000
9:21 pm
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just to let guest guest know, my mom does know about me cutting. And I can't exactly just go up to her and do that, I can't go up to anyone and do that.

October 31, 2000
12:04 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

thats good that she knows. well.. can u just try for once only? tell her one day that u're feeling bad (when u're feeling bad). see what her response is like. love heals. is she gives u support and understands yoy, it could be a source of peace for you. just try it.. once. and once for ur dad too. surely uc an go to ur mom and say "mom i'm having a bad day today :("
or had one

close ones are supposed to be very frank. u said u cant go to ur mom and say this. what makes u think u cant do it? what do u fear will happen if u opened urself to ur mom?

October 31, 2000
5:45 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you can't trust your mom with your feelings then there must be a reason, and perhaps it is a part of the problem. I have learned that all moms are not perfect. If you are fearful of the consequence, talk to your therapist, and perhaps he could arrange for a session for you and your mother together to work it out. Cutie I am sure you have seen enough TV or movies to know that if it is your parents, or one parent that has abused you, and the other keeps silent about it, the child living with this dose have systems available to cure the situation. If your parents have hurt you, and brought you to this place share this information with your therapist. Heck even share it here, the problem that you have cannot be remidied if you do not put a label on it. Yes, guest-guest she should tell her mother when she is hurting , unless the origional hurting came from the mom, or father then the circle of trust has been broken, and perhaps why Cutie feels so alone and seeks comfort from outsiders, friends, and e-sessions.

November 1, 2000
12:53 pm
Avatar
Messy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

cutie I have recently been dischaged from my final hospital and residential treatment center. I was in those type of places for years because of cutting and other things. I have such ugly scars on my body that even plastic surgery could not help. I take zoloft which is in the same family as prozac and it and other meds have done wonders for me. I want you to know that by me cutting myself i missed out on four years of my life. I am now in college and I don;t know what having a normal highschool life is like and I regret that. I still live in a group home. i wish I could live with my family but i canT and the cutting is only a relief for a few minutes and then it hurts it hurts not only physically but emotionally and mentally. It hurts your family and friends emotionally as well. Whenyou feel real low think of happier times in the past and happy times that might arise in the future. Take care girl

November 2, 2000
8:27 am
Avatar
Cutie14
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Part of the reason why I can't trust my mom with how I feel or anything for that matter is because when I was little, and I would tell her something that I didn't want anyone to know, she would tell a lot of people then I would be really mad/embarrised. I mean even when I was little I cared about things like that. I have never been abused, besides when I was little, ya know just a little spanking here and there, but no big deal. I haven't cut in 6 days! Hopefully I will never cut again, but we'll see. I am still haveing trouble with talking to peopel about my problems! it is really weird, cause I used to be able to talk to anyone, ya know, but now I can't even talk to my best friend! Or any of my close friends that are either going through this or have gone through this. It just doesn't want to come out anymore. I mean part of what I am dealing with now is a result of my best friend, in a way. I mean she is just really making me mad and I odn't knwo how to tell her....well I'd better go now, ttyl.
Cutie14

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer