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Curse of Social anxiety, please advise
September 10, 2003
3:56 pm
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I cannot stop myself from this Social Anxiety. I'm very nervous all the time. **All** the time I worry whether people are thinking or looking at me. Its like a curse! I'm sick of it.
I cant do anything, it burns me constantly all the time when I'm in public. The only peace I have is when I sleep at night

So.. any advice.. please? I have confidence in my thoughts and I know I'm right and a good person but being nervous and uncomfortable and in a hieghtened state has always taken its toll on my health. I dont know how to fix this. I know a simple advise wont work. Hypnotherapy? something like that? Constantly reminding myself of a single simple sentence like "no one is looking at you" - might work, but is it practical?

whats practical?
can someone please help, and tell me how I can stop judging other people and then expecting them to judge me as well?

how can I stop judging other people? is it practical and useful to judge to some extent?
if i pretend no one is looking at me, i might do some embarrasing things like scratch myself in other places - so saying that "no one is looking at me" is not a practical solution.

please help, please, i'm tired of this.

September 10, 2003
4:18 pm
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unhappy camper
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I'll tell you what helped me. I had lots of anxiety in my early 20's.

I talked myself out of it. The most important thing was to make myself feel "safe".

If I went out with my first husband who was a neanderthal and a party animal and a yahoo....and he would turn to me and say "you are no fun to be with" but I really was but I was just feeling scared of him and his critical overbearing self....I would tell myself while out "I'll be home safe in my home in 2 1/2 hours..and I'll be able to have a cup of tea and get into something comfortable and then I'll go to sleep". I assured myself there was safety waiting for me shortly. I would endure it saying "only 1 more hour and I'll be home"...etc.

"This won't last forever" "It will be over and I'll be home" ...over and over.

Another thing I did when I got home, silly but worked, is I used to rub vicks vaporub on my chest and go to sleep distracted with the safety of the smell of medicine.

After a while, I didn't need it and I actually grew out of my anxiety attacks. However with this husband I did have some setbacks and even got out the vicks again, but not often.

I try to use reason over feelings.
Maybe you could practice something like that.

September 10, 2003
4:52 pm
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sixfootblonde
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There is actually a drug that is made to overcome feelings of extreme nervousness. I used to work with a lady who took it. I don't know what it's called but sometimes you see adds for it on tv or in magazines. I imagine if you typed in anxiety medicine on your search engine you'd find it.

Other than that, it sounds like you've tried a lot. Maybe you could benefit from trying this med?

Good luck! 🙂

September 10, 2003
5:11 pm
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Ladeska
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Guest_Guest....When someone has gone through an amount of stress for a lonnngggg period of time, when their body had had to accommodate that, deal with it - what's going on inside you is about "depletion"....depletion of stress hormones and a myriad of other things, seratonin, etc. That finally hits rock bottom and you're basically in a constant state of depression which can turn into alot of other things, paranoia - is one...

But yes, there are drugs that can help you stabilize and get things back up to a balanced state. Believe me.....when things are not chemically okay in your body and when this has gone on for some time and never gotten straightened out - all kinds of things happen as a result of it.

You can just go to a regular MD and get help. It doesn't have to be a psyhc. type. I know alot of guys don't want to go that route, and you don't have to. Any general doctor should be able to prescribe something based on what you've said here. It is treatable.

I mean it would be great, if hand in hand with this you could find a therapist that you really like and trust, probably a guy, and just start really digging into - what the foundation for all this is... I'm sure there is one..

You ask alot of interesting questions on here and I know you are searching things out in your own head. Maybe it's time to have some help with that. So sorry you're feeling this way.....I've felt like this before and it's the pits. It didn't last for long when I did go there but it wasn't fun at all.

Why not just take a step, get off here after reading this, call up a dr. and get an appt.? You don't know until you try, right? I had to get on an anti-depressant awhile back and had never ever taken anything before in my life, and I can sincerely say - it helped, did the trick. I got off of it before the year was out on it and it did what it was supposed to do. I never would have believed it until I had tried it myself. I was on Effexor. Good stuff for depression.

September 10, 2003
5:23 pm
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gingerleigh
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I also was treated for anxiety earlier this year, and the medication I went on was the generic version of Prozac. For me, my startle response got so bad, if a loud car would go by I would jump and tears would start to form in my eyes. It was very painful. I went to a regular family doctor who made the recommendation and wrote the prescription. It was extremely helpful with the startle response and I actually started to feel more comfortable in social situations.

Careful if you drink alcohol though, the interactions between alcohol and some of these drugs can be toxic, as I had the misfortune of discovering.

September 10, 2003
6:33 pm
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OMG Yes! I had a horrible reaction myself to alcohol and Effexor. Holy Cow, I think I remembered her saying "be careful drinking...." not - don't drink. Well...I had already seen that I could drink a few beers, but I'm not a big drinker anyways. Once in a blue moon I get looped.

So, it was last Christmas Eve and my daughter's fiancee had just received some moonshine from a friend of his who came back from the south. Everyone is looking at it. I'm familiar with the stuff, grew up around it and I just wanted a "taste". Well.....I kid you not, I only did a taste because I know how lethal that stuff is. I barely did a tiny swallow. BUT, I had already had - two glasses of wine and with that one taste, the doctor told me later - it was like 20 times the potency and that the wine had already brought me up to my "limit" for alcohol and that just pushed me right over the edge.

I took the taste, walked outside and within seconds I was having an out of body experience. I don't know how I walked back in but I was scared!! Someone looked at me and said - you okay? And I go noooooo, think I'm going to pass out. I got to the bathroom and stayed on the floor for the next 4 hours straight. It was a nightmare.. I don't know how I kept from passing out, was darned close to it. It was just awful. The doc told me later that - I came real close to something very serious happening to me and that my other doctor really should have explicitly told me the dangers. It's just these meds magnify the heck out of what you can normally drink and get away with. That's the problem.

September 10, 2003
6:38 pm
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gingerleigh
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Wow, I didn't have any experiences like that, but I blacked out, have no memories of periods of my life where I was drinking. So maybe I did have experiences like that, and just don't remember... scary stuff.

September 10, 2003
10:33 pm
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Ladeska
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All I know is it scared the crap right out of me!! For it to do it's thing that fast and I KNEW I wasn't any where even close to being drunk, just really made me go whoooaaa, what the hell??

September 10, 2003
11:20 pm
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ah, i dont like to drink, so thats not a problem.

Ladeska, I tried Effexor too! 35 mg for about a month.. it was'nt good. i did put me in some "high" place but it played with my reproductive stuff and so i left it soon, deciding it was'nt the right thing to do with myself.
Why were you depressed? for how long? how long did you wait till you got the med? for how long did you take the med? Are you better now? when was the last time you took the med?
(i sound like a doctor. do i ask questions quick or what).

6footBlonde, I think Zoloft was the med being told in the ads, for anxiety and depression, i dont want to do it.. niether do i have money for it.. basically thats the reason, finances.

Unhappy camper, I always thought i've become more reasonable than before but I guess maybe not yet.
vicks! interesting and funny.

gingerleigh, how is your anxiety now? what type of anxiety did you have? did you have it even when you were alone? etc.etc

i could look taking Zoloft, if I know I dont have to take it forver and if it improves me permenently. how much would it cost about? i dont know if my insurance would cover it.
if anyone knows, how would it effect my mind and life otherwise? thanks

September 11, 2003
9:15 am
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I take xanex, I only take it when I am having an attack or when I know I will be somewhere that will cause an attack. I went to dinner the other night and had an appletini, only half of it before I got the effects. I don't drink much, but only half a drink caused me to get buzzed.

September 11, 2003
1:01 pm
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Ladeska
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Guest_Guest....yea, that is a side effect of Effexor - the sexual thing. Why was I depressed? Long story... let's just say a friend of mine ended up NOT being a "friend" of mine. But I wasn't the only one she poisoned. Just about everyone her life touched and then some. It was an ugly scene. Also I had just gotten out of two year thing of trying one last time to connect with my bioligical mother and that ended up being tragic. Everything just built up and knocked me for a loop.

I was probably in a good depression about a year before I went and she said that was too long, that I needed meds alot sooner. I'm hypervigilant though, mainly because of all my abuse growing up - so when I'm in pain, I don't always pay as much attention to it as I should. The ever ready bunny just keeps on hopping down the trail!

I was on it for about year, been off it now for three months. My symptoms before I went on it was - not sleeping well at all, waking up in a startle, not able to go back to sleep well..consequently a walking zombie bec. of that, wasn't eating well, stomach was torn up alot, headaches, memory problems, concentration problems, just no energy, couldn't stop being sad. I just had this cloud sitting on my head 24/7 and I couldn't shake it. For me - that's extremely rare. I am normally a very positive person that doesn't have alot of mood swings at all. I have my moments like everyone else but generally speaking I pop out of it rather quick. I've always been like that. The doc said my high progesterone count has alot to do with that. Has probably helped me more than I realize over my lifetime. But for me "this" fog that I was in was real different. I could see I was spiraling downward at a fast rate of speed. I remember just sitting in the doctor's office barely able to even talk about things. And THAT is really not ME at all. I'm a blabbermouth. (that's a shocker, huh?)

I'm just a very lively person in real life so for me to step back and look at myself, I had to admit - I'm not okay here.......gotta get some outside help. When I get down and cannot get back up again, that's severe for me.

The thing is - you have to get in and get something going for yourself, sweetheart. You really do. What you need to do is call your insurance and just ask them if they pay for this. Some do and some don't. But to be real honest with you, even if they didn't, I'd do it anyways. Just go in, get them to prescribe something to you, pay your deductible at the desk, go home like normal. Wait for the bill, for them to either pay it all, or some or whatever, then you piece mill the payments to the doctor as you can. As long as you are paying on it, they aren't going to do anything, ya know? I mean how much can it be anyways?

The most expensive thing here might be a blood workup, which the doctor should do on you so they can see what's going on in your body from your blood. That tells them alot actually. And those lab fees can be as high as $300, that's without insurance. But even with not so good ins., they usually pay something here.

At any rate, it's something you NEED to do. What goes on with us chemically completely alters what comes out of our brain. We think thoughts and have feelings that are directly the result of a chemical imbalance. Later when people get straightened out and get help they look back over their shoulder and go HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!! It's true though.

I'd just really check out the side effects of whatever is prescribed for you though and really talk to your doctor about all that. Sexual side effects are there with alot of anti-depressants. Not sure about Zoloft.

September 11, 2003
6:16 pm
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The doc told me that there might be some sexual side effects with the fluoxetine, and to be honest I'm not sure if the side effects were from the drug or being turned off at my partner. Lots of stuff going on in my life at the time. The doc told me that if the sexual side effects were too much, to talk to him and we would try something else.

Yes, the anxiety is better now. I did go off the meds for a while, but recently started taking them again when the startle response returned. The doc advised me to stay on them for 6 months to a year, and I decided I was ready to come off sooner (yah, I know more than the doc I guess) and I was back to the startle reaction again.

The diagnosis was "generalized anxiety", and pretty much was a culmination of a lot of situational factors, between moving, stressful relationship, unfulfilling job, family problems... just seemed that no matter where I turned life sucked, and there was no sanctuary for me. Even my cat was pooping all over the place in the house! I was having little freak out episodes a few times a week, and those all stopped when I started the meds, as did the extreme startle.

September 11, 2003
10:27 pm
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Ladeska, thats another thing, my "symtoms" are never strong as compared to usual victims of anxiety. I have this constant low-level anxiety. I can get sleep, .. etc.etc, its just I feel all the time concious of my surroundings.

today on the way back home, i was thinking, how about having half a can of beer every now and then to lighten myself up? (not more, otherwise i'll get too drunk)
some lightheadedness, will that cure my chemical unbalance in the brain?
interesting, haa?

and I found out Zoloft is about $2 to $3 per pill! expensive if i take it everyday twice.. or even once. $60 at minimum.. (but I can handle that).
I dont know, I'm getting confused about medicine again. I want to try hypnotherapy again! right now, I dont have sources, there arent a lot of professionals in this area, but its on my mind. hmph 🙁

tell me more about what you wrote below:
>> I'm hypervigilant though, mainly because of all my abuse growing up - so when I'm in pain, I don't always pay as much attention to it as I should. The ever ready bunny just keeps on hopping down the trail! << i dont pay attention to my pain as well. I need training for this! 1) training to be sensitive to my pains (especially hunger) 2) have to improve my body image (thats the first thing that bothers me when i see a pretty girl, so thats a cause of anxiety, but again, the damned body building doesnt work on me. I dont have patience for it, i tried a couple of times to kick it off. Then I know one group of girls do find me hot and I find that as an excuse to say "i dont need to work out" working out is impossible, but i can do something to be more healthy. that means i should eat more. i can do that when i start a job and then i'll have money. basically.. money is a problem. shit. i'm hungry again but ignoring it.

September 11, 2003
10:48 pm
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so, gingerleigh, you're still taking the meds and how long has it been since you've been taking them?

September 11, 2003
11:50 pm
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I first started in February, went off them in June, and just started up again a few weeks ago.

September 12, 2003
12:21 am
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Ladeska
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Being hypervigilant as a result of child abuse and not being aware of your body and the pain therein - is because when someone goes through alot of that - they have to either block it out - or overload. It's a survival thing.

And hypervigilant comes from being in "emergency" mode all the time. Always wondering when the next attack of some kind of going to happen.

Being hyper aware of your surroundings all the time is a significant sign that you are very fearful, wondering if someone is watching you, wondering what is around the bend kind of thing. Not sure where this comes from but I know that children who were in households of abuse - they had to do that all the time so it followed them into adulthood.

Children who are afraid growing up, always wondering what's going to happen next, what's the "mood" of the household, what lie do I need to tell now, do I need to cover something up, do I need to play mindgames with someone in order to just survive, what's THAT look for, what does it mean, am I going to be loved today or hated and if so - why?

Inconsistency of basic needs being met and danger from abuse - breeds fear and lack of self worth. Sleep depravation is a sign of stress and also not feeling safe.

And as far as not paying attention to your body signals like being sick, hungry, other signs of things needing to be attended to - might suggest that at some point you had to disown your body as if it were a foreign thing to you because to be "present" meant feeling pain. So if you disassociate yourself from your body, it's just a "thing" that follows you around and you don't really "love" and care for it. For intensive purposes - it is bad and the enemy or at the very least - a stranger.

Becoming "aware" of this alienation is important. Just recognizing it is huge. Sometimes there are social services that provide meds for you. You should look into and see if mental health in your area can help out.

Even low key depression is bad. Especially if it's been ongoing for most of your life. You're so used to it that you might think it's not all that bad and downplay it, when in reality - it's bad.

Sleep issues are hard. There are some things you can do to make it better though. Like not drinking or eathing anything that will hype you up before bedtime. No caffiene, spicy foods, sugar. Bedtime should always be a consistent time that you go to bed every night or close to a regular time. Make your bedroom as comfortable as possible. Don't sleep to a T.V. because you will be aware of it even with your eyes closed. White noise it good but a T.V. does not serve this purpose very well. Deep sleep is hard with a T.V. on.

Having a fan or a soothing C.D. playing is really better. PM's work for alot of people. I take them. Sometimes I take benadryl instead. I have to have something especially if I'm under stress. Hypervigilance happens alot when people are afraid to go to sleep bec. when they were a child bad things happened at night, whether it was sexual abuse or just violence in the household, screaming and yelling, alcoholism and the like.

I'm a very light sleeper bec. of all that. You cannot sneak up on me when I'm asleep. I hear everything. Even if someone is sneaking I hear them a long time before they ever get to me. I'd make a good soldier I guess. LOL! I think more than anything else I feel their presence.

Being paranoid in general, thinking negatively about yourself, being obssessed with what people are thinking about you, are they staring at you, etc. - is a sign things are very unbalanced with you. Everyone will do this to a point, but for it to consume you all the time is a whole different story.

Working on your body image from the outside in is almost impossible. It has to start from the inside out.

The outer body reflects what is on the inside.

Oftentimes if a child grew up with alot of criticism and negative input all the time - this creates a child that grows into adulthood that doesn't know who they are or how to basically get to know themselves. Their self view is confusing, bad and they'd rather just not go there except from a distance and decide if they are acceptable from looking at their reflection projected through other people's opinions and through - their eyes.

If this is good or bad - then that's what they go with. That only makes for a life of confusion and constant merry-go-rounds. And it never, ever reflects the real you and can change with the wind from one day to the next. I imagine that you find yourself "here" quite a bit.

It's good to see you talking...you have alot to say. (smile) Keep it up!!

September 12, 2003
1:14 am
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Excellent post, Ladeska !

"Children who are afraid growing up, always wondering what's going to happen next, what's the "mood" of the household, what lie do I need to tell now, do I need to cover something up, do I need to play mindgames with someone in order to just survive, what's THAT look for, what does it mean, am I going to be loved today or hated and if so - why?"

So true !!!!

September 12, 2003
4:44 pm
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I have been taking paxil for anxiety and depression. It has helped me very much but side effects are headaches and some slight tremors.

September 12, 2003
10:15 pm
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That is the "way it is", huh, Mafi? I know. I grew up in all of that. Makes one paranoid. It makes you jumpy, it makes you second-guess yourself, it makes you hypervigilant and it whittles down your self-esteem. And for some, it teaches them how to play mindgames and how to lie, too. You really have to resist all that because you see how it's done and it goes on 24/7. It's all very toxic to the soul, brain, heart and body.

You come out of it and you go - what the hell was that?? OR you think that the whole world is like that and "you" are in a scene that is the same thing - only larger.

How ever you were wired growing up, is a "conditioning", a teaching that if it's toxic and erroneous - takes some time to rip out the wiring and reconstruct things from the floor up. Sometimes you have to rip the whole damned structure apart and start all over, thus the reason why alot of people have nervous breakdowns. Everything finally blows up and hopefully they will have some good people around who will help them construct things in a healthy fashion.
Some things, by it's very design was fashioned to blow up at some point. It never had the right equations to be eternal. So be "done" with it.

But "knowledge" is always out there. I am a very firm believer in that IF a person is seeking they will find what they need. I know I didn't have alot of people volunteering to help me, but because my hand was open, because I was seeking - I found things, like little bread crumbs leading somewhere...

Alot of times we SAY that we are seeking, when in all reality, we're really not. That's why I don't work with alot of people that say "help me" because after awhile I see - they still like to spin and have not bottomed out yet and aren't "hungry" enough. You have to be - hungry for knowledge or else it falls on deaf ears.

I'm not into spitting alot of stuff out and someone else on the other end kinda of half-heartened going at it. I used to teach music for awhile and alot of my students were kids who's parents wanted them to play. The kids themselves didn't and after awhile I'd say - don't bring them back to me. They aren't ready. It's not their passion, it's yours. I am a very picky teacher.

But that's the same rule with any kind of teaching or learning, a person has to be at a place where they want to find answers and they are willing to - do the work.

Answers are never really far from us but interestingly enough we spend alot of our lives within a five mile radius of those answers and manage to bypass them very creatively - for a long, long time. That evasive action is on purpose by us. We're not always quite as dumb as we let onto to be. We know truth when we see it, we just realize it's going to be rough going and it's going to require something of us and we simply opt out.

Human beings are basically very lazy. That's why we haven't advanced as far as we could have. The luxuries of comfort and ease, have made us slaves.

If we're willing to be displeasing to ourselves and willing to part company with our need to be praised and in the "group", then there are many roads of adventure, learning, creativity and growth available to us. They are always there.... But the individual has to be willing to travel the road "less" traveled and to part company with the status quo and think for themselves.

I look at someone like Marco Polo and I go - a man after my own heart. And yet, when he came back with his terrific stories, no one wanted to believe him. Later they realized - his stories were actually quite true except for some embelishment here and there. (smile)

Who would have thought back then you could burn black rocks for warmth and cook over them? But they didn't know about coal back then....

Mankind never progresses at all until he comes to the end of himself and pushes the envelope whether the crowd agrees with him or not. If it's "for the praise and approval" then it's all for naught. We do what we are programmed to do in order to get the cookie when we ring the little bell. But what about ringing that bell inside that is "our bell"? What about "that"? And this is the very thing that most of us don't really get in touch with....

What blows OUR skirts up, what makes us feel alive, what jazzes US, what makes us feel unique and like we are the only ones like us in the universe? What is that Potion and where do we find it? We find it "within". We were born with it. It's called LIFE. And life was meant to be LIVED, it needs to explore, it needs to express, to create, to ask questions, to go where no one else has gone, to be in harmony with one's own inner music, to splash all that onto canvas, into music, into our handiwork, within our lives so that AS WE WALK THROUGH this life, we leave a trail behind us like - no other.

If we always dance to the tune of FEAR that says - you can't do this unless you have the "herd's approval".........then you consign yourself to a 4 x 4 cell, do you not?

Every breath is precious and within it lies the possibilities that are of "infinity".....

The canvas is there, as are the instruments, as is space itself, as is the artist who sits before it. There is no other "like you". What will YOU do with this gift called - Life?

September 13, 2003
9:53 pm
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yes great post, ladeska, i'll have to refer to it later as well.

i see your point now about being hyper vigilient. how does one let go of it? likeyou beleiving that people who're looking for answers, i beleive simple solutions exist to every problem and i dont want to go through a nervous breakdown (probably, i cant either, since i'm quite numb to all that, unless.. aaaoo.. *shudder* something happens. anyway).

i do get good sleep! i sleep at an almost fixed time and i'm not that bad a sleeper. i had my abuse stop at 15.. and then i was static at my personality level for a long time (probably i'd have gotten worse if the abuse had contitnued, but i was almost as tall as my parents.. i guess they realized they couldnt beat and slap me around as freely as before).
when starting college, i had starting thinking about myself when i found myself far from home, away from parents.. had plenty of time there.

due to something personal in my life, i have to me vigilant for my own safety, but being constantly aware and the "something around the corner" stuff you mentioned, thats me, yup.
its probably not good.

so basically, a good cure for getting rid of the hypervigilent personality i developed in childhood?
havent you recovered from it and if not, do you think you will and how?

September 14, 2003
8:35 pm
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Hi guest_guest... I really want to talk to you about these things, but may not get to it tonight, got some things going on here at home. But I will be there tom. Glad you're getting good sleep.... But so sorry for your abuse. I figured that. Never really talked to you about it and haven't seen you admit that, but just kinda knew, ya know? Guys? I dunno...they just don't talk much about these things and it's soo freaking sad to me. I mean, if you knew me in real life - I talk to you just like a guy does. People laugh at me about that but - I do. I'm a real straight shooter and cut right to the chase on most things. I've worked with military guys most of my working career though so - I got used to that kind of communicating. I don't do the girl kind of beating around the bush with stuff very well.

And in our society it's just so freaking messed up for guys who have been abused that - it's almost impossible for them to even want to talk. Pissed me right off. So I'm glad you're talking. You need to. You've been stuffing crap for far too long, ya know? You need answers, you need to examine things, find solutions, brainstorm and help yourself. I hope I can help in some way. If I can't, I'll sure try to find whatever answers for you or point you in the right direction. Talk to you tom., okay? Ni-nite!

September 15, 2003
3:39 pm
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September 27, 2010
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Hey guest_guest! Are you around?? I'm hypervigilant for life. I don't think after you cross a certain threshhold that you can ever go back. I think you can learn to deal with it better and understand it, learn to do things that helps bring it down to a dull roar.

I've been able to overcome quite a bit of it. When I stop and think had bad it used to be, I'm TONS better now.

Alot of it is that - you haven't lived enough life yet, had enough time pass yet that has effectively allowed the healing to happen. How old are you now and how long have you been away from your parents? Are you still in another state? Still in college?

It's a simple thing of math here.......like with me - I went through abuse, like you for my whole life so......those bruises and injuries in our psyche go real deep. They are little gouges. They are full on holes in us and deep, deep, bad wounds.

It would be like me putting you in a room full of guys that are constantly punching you for about a week. When you got out of there, how much do you think you'd flinch and have mannerisms in your personality that would be hypervigilant? Studying people's faces, listening to noises, trying to gauge when you are going to get it next, what can you do to keep peace and avoid getting beat again? Etc., etc.

When a child goes through this for years and years and it stops because you move away or whatever......you have to have a certain amount of "down time" when that abuse is not coming at you 24/7 for you to release that fist inside yourself, where you can turn your radar down just a little bit and relax "some" more and more. For some people it means a few years of this, for others it's maybe one year, then for some it's many, many years. Depends on how much wounding they experienced.

And if you go right from that abuse into another stressful situation, then you may keep that vigilance going in yourself to just deal with what is on the horizon now.

But for every action.......is an equal and opposite reaction. Your insides have gone IN with the force of all these blows.......and at some point, while you are all bruised and hurting and bleeding inside - those insides have to go back out again and return the force of the blow back outward. But you have to be in a place where you feel safe to do that, so that you can really let out your gut and not feel like you have to be on guard so much anymore. Until you really "start" that process.....is when the clock starts ticking as to - how long it takes for the hypervigilance to come under control some. And it depends on what kind of help you get learning how to take care of yourself and how to live in a better and more balanced way psychologically.

September 17, 2003
10:15 pm
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ladeska, i'm here now!
i'm more than mid-25, still studying and been away from parents since a couple of years.
room full of people punching you, great example. what about hypnotherapy? i was thinking of that, i'll do it when i get time and money (now i remember the song "time" and "money" from pink floyd. ah, well atleast something good in life)

music was invented by lonely people, i forgot the exact quote

September 17, 2003
10:50 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Hey you! I'm glad you're away from your parents but unfortunately your wounds are still very, very fresh. Hypnotherapy might be good for you. I don't personally believe in but that's just me. I've heard that some people do very well with it. I'd really check out the hynotherapist "thoroughly" before you did this though.

Music is great, isn't it? The voice in the darkness that says it like it is alot of times. What are you studying in school, btw? How is all that going for you? Do you have close friends there?

Do you like the outdoors? I know from experience that hiking is great therapy and a good way to just blow off whatever went down during the week. It just gets you close to nature and stimulates parts of your brain that otherwise would lay dormant I think. Part of getting better and healing is doing things like this. Getting out and finding things that will exercise different parts of you, get your creative juices flowing and basically give yourself an outlet that lends inspiration.

It's also quite challenging and builds self esteem in a different kind of way. If you push yourself out there in the wild, it makes life in the concrete city easier to deal with.

Do you do anything creative at all? Do you have talents in music, art or anything like that? God, I'm chatty tonight! Asking too many questions, I'm sorry. Just blabbing my head off. Blah, blah, blah!! LOL!

September 19, 2003
12:31 am
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oh, i love nature, i even keep stopping on my way home if i find something strange, an insect, 2 butterflies going around, cicadas screaching in the night. one day i found this long centipede cruising innocently near the sidewalk.
i love animals 100 times more than humans you know? they dont know, they're innocent, they dont hide anything .. arent they just great? i wish i could be like an animal, cat or dog.. anything.. i think thats the idea personality.
i dont know whats wrong with the human race today (ofcourse, that includes yours truly as well).

i could be at much peace in nature, but i need hmm.. i need time! and some money. but i think u gave me a good idea, thats where the "alot in common" thing comes on, my partner must like nature as well.

i see happy couples holding a dog on a leash.. now thats something "common". maybe the dog's clean clear personality keeps the couple busy and away from negative thoughts. i'm in graduate school.
but what about going to the restroom when one is hiking? i like being clean so i have to have a proper restroom. i can live without it, but i dont know. i'll explore all this when i have money.
people having the Caravans and whats that.. mobile homes, thats nice yes.
hehe. chatty mood eh, can i have some of that please? i have talents too, but i have to learn more. see actually i'm afraid to reveal information about myself (even saying this is revealing information). well music is an interest!
i dont know WHAT to do. i need a girl who's interested in music and animals and peace in the world, someone who's not a typical female. i think i'll just keep living this life, but i wait to get settled be earning some money.

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