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Crying too much now...
September 27, 2008
10:25 pm
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Brandibeth
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September 29, 2010
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This will probalby be the start of a very long thread, because for one I don't have the patience and y capacity, my aunt focus to say it all in one thread.
I was recenlty approached by my biologicals family to talk to her. She wasn't in my life in the motherly capacity, my aunt was. In and out all my life, she was raised with every amenity you could want. Over seas, her father retired form Haliburton oil and gas. Not to say she had a great childhood, her mom was physically and mostly mentally abusive. We found out recently who are real mother and father were. The mother rode in the rodeo circuit and her uncle was her father. Im guessing her cheated and didnt want to keep her. Trying to find her real mother now. (totally differnet story for another thread) Anyways, I finally decided to go and see her after the I found out he jumped a curb because she was so hopped up on pills. (she has had a huge history of drug problems) I have a friend that works in the sheriffs office, so I drove 5 hours to see her for 15 minutes. I hadnt seen or talked to her in 5 years. Yes I have alot of emotions built up.
Anyways, she was sent to rehab for two years or jail. Thank god for her, the judge was a friend of the family. Not fair to the rest of the people in the world and us,, she has always been given the easy way out. Hence alot of her problems and mine. Anywas she gets 15 minutes twice a week. I saw she tried to call me, so I called back. I called her Gina, her name, not mom. She was extrememly rude and basically said that since she was ready let go of her past, that I should too. If not then thats my problem. I told her that the past builds your future. I started becoming really depressed only more so after I started getting involded. I know I have alot of issues, and thats why Im getting help.
She has been so eager to defend everyone else and put in the work for them all her life, and the one your supposed to work the hardest with is your kids. She makes it seem like I was an adult making my own decisions as a child. She said that she wasnt perfect. That when I came into her life she didnt recieve the perfect child. DUH! So does tha tmean you can treat me any less? She use dto tell my I love you, but I dontlike you. Thats an easier way of saying I have to take care of you because your my cild, but only because I have to.
When you get pregnant and decide to have a child, you are making the decision to put someones life in your control and give them the tools necessary to live life after your gone.
Why should I just let go of everything that bothers me and move on now? I did that 10 times before, but now because shes ready, thats more important.

September 28, 2008
3:49 am
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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(((Brandibeth))), I'm really sorry that you are having to deal this way with your mother. It should never be like this. May I ask why you have to speak to her? Just because she calls you doesn't meant you must respond or talk to her. It sounds like she is not ready to have a daughter in her life and she shouldn't have one until she can be a mother. Take the time to heal yourself from the wounds caused you by your past so you can move on. You have the right to take as much or as little time as you need to work on yourself. If you need to cry, go right ahead. You have a lot to cry about and crying is very healing as well. It's time to do what is good for you. Keep posting.

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