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Crashing Down Again
April 20, 2001
11:20 pm
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Scarred_Soul
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I can't do this anymore, I just simply can't. I have so many huge problems going on right now, just when I thought things were finally "looking up" for me, it all comes crashing down, right on me, harder and heaiver than ever.
My mom and i don't get a long, barely at all anymore. My best friends parents don't want us to be friends cause they think that I'm a extreemly horrible influence on her, but actually I'm not. My one and only true love, seems to hate me, I know that we aren't going out anymore, but I still love him, even after all this time. I do. We still talk, but I just recenly found out that he says things about me like how I used to cut and all that, he cracks jokes about it. It really hurts me that he does that though.
My so called boyfriend, this dude that lives a ways away from me, ignores me, he won't return my calls, when I call, and tell them my name they pretend he is in a different state. I like a new guy now, a lot, but I dunno know. It is so hard to love and love and give all the love you have to someone, when you keep getting hour heart broken, I hate it! I just don't know what to do, I guess I just needed to vent or something.
Scarred Soul

April 21, 2001
3:00 pm
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Molly
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Leave it to mean old Molly to remind you that, this is why we tell young ones like you, to love your self, and be involved in safe supporting things. We are all to emotionally immature to begin looking for love at your age, and pouring all of our heart and soul into another person. Even when your an older person, say 30,60,or what ever age, you never pour your heart and soul into some one else, you will always end up empty. You are changing, and people need time to accept change. They all have old intrepertations, and history with you, and it will take time to learn about the new you who doesn't cut, or isn't depressed. Find something that you enjoy doing and do it, this is a temporary phase, that will soon pass, and if you do good things for you, may never pass by again.

April 24, 2001
8:34 am
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Scarred_Soul
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Yea, I understand what you mean and where you are coming from. Some times I feel so much more in control of things but then at others I feel like I'm losing complete control. but yea, I guess that a lot of people feel that way though. I'll just shut up now
Scarred_Soul

April 24, 2001
9:38 am
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malaikau
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Dear Scarred,

You sound as if you are in an incredible amount of pain. You have a lot to be proud of just in the accomplishment of getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other! It's hard to be "young", and a lot of times people hear about a young person's problems and feel they are somewhat typical. However, we are all individuals with different lives, personalities, and problems. So while there may be people in this world who have experienced some problems that are similar to yours, you are unique. There is no one else in the world who is quite like you. That makes you pretty special. It also makes your life and problems pretty special as well.

Everyone has pretty strong opinions about cutting. I hope you are managing alright at this time without cutting. But there are worse things that people do everyday to themselves and to those around them. The way your old boyfriend is treating you, for example, making jokes about you and treating you disrespectfully, well, he is doing something much more terrible to you than your cutting. When you cut, that's your choice, it's not inflicted upon you by someone else! It's too bad this guy is probably way to immature emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually to understand how sad his behavior is!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't have to feel ashamed of your cutting. It's really not that much different from folks who get tattoos or lots of piercings! You don't have to take on what society says about cutting. You don't have to take on all that shame. There's nothing wrong with doing what you need to do to survive, and you will learn new things in time. Just hang in there, and keep on coming here, okay?

Your friend,

Mal

April 24, 2001
8:20 pm
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Molly
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Never shut up, and that is such an ugly sounding command, poor thing, do people tell you that????? Sure we all deal with the incontroll, and out of controll stuff, and we learn to process it. Ultimately very little is in our controll, and the more we try to controll it, surprisingly the less controll we have. Its so hard today to be your age, so little positive support, or outlets, create create create, but never shut up, ok?

April 24, 2001
8:38 pm
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GothicGirl
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Ok so I just got back from a long walk in the rain and decided instead of always being on the receiving end of advice I would be on the giving. Scarred_soul I think you just need to be strong and take what you give I mean it may not be at easy but don't give more then someone gives back to you. You know it's like you giving someone a hundred dollars for something that is worth mybe 50 cents. It's just something you don't do ya know?? So don't give more then you receive. Also about the best friend situation. I know what it's like to be on the other end of it too. Up until this year my mom(and aunt for what say she has in my life it's actually a lot TO MUCH)disliked all of my friends and told me that they were bad influences on me and all that and that they didn't like me hanging around them which hurt cause I am not one of many friends and it felt good to actually have someone to call my best friend until my mom took it away. It's hard but I am starting to understand where she is coming from and she only wants to do whats best when actually it is making it worse but she doesn't know that so you have to prove your friends parents wrong once and for all.

April 30, 2001
7:33 pm
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GothicGirl
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Yeah Yeah Yeah I know I was the last one here to post but we haven't heard from you in a couple days Scarred_Soul how are things going with your friends and all let us know I am very intrested to hear about it.

May 7, 2001
6:41 pm
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Scarred_Soul
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Things are going pretty good. Things are actually seeming to look up for me. I have found a new love, and I have kinda stopped thinking so that I don't get as depressed. So yea, sorry it took me so long to respond, I haven't been on line that much lately.

May 7, 2001
8:57 pm
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Molly
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good for you, keep on keeping on.

May 8, 2001
10:12 pm
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GothicGirl
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Love such a strong word and emotion. Just hope you stay happy and keep in mind that the love my end but your happiness shouldn't just keep going there are so many fish in the sea you can't have possibly found the perfect one yet. Youjust have to be ready to dust yourself off and try again 🙂

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