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Cpt1212 - replaced one poor coping mechanism with another
August 5, 2009
5:41 am
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cpt1212
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I had gastric bypass - and now I am replacing food with large amounts of alcohol on a regular basis - I know what's happening - I'm standing on the railroad track watching the train baring down on me.

August 5, 2009
6:25 am
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Serendy
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...Please talk about your problems to us all..You are a worthy person..We want to help you..

August 5, 2009
9:46 am
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StronginHim77
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I thought that gastric bypass candidates had to undergo psychological evaluation,as to whether or not they were good candidates? Not sure...

Anyway, it sounds as if you should RUN (not walk) to the best therapist you can get ahold of and address the underlying causes of your pain. You have simply switched addictions (from food to booze). This is more common than you can imagine and VERY treatable.

Do get the help you deserve.

- Ma Strong

August 6, 2009
5:26 am
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cpt1212
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I'm not really "going" through anything - just trying to avoid - what? Pain? Suicidal thoughts?

August 6, 2009
6:26 am
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sexychoclady
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alot to go to a aa meeting. where you can listen or talk if u like. mostly every group i have gone to the people are nice. years ago i had gastric bi pass thinking that was the magic bullet. i am still learning it is a inside job. i still stuggle with my weight it will come back.if dont follow your food plan. wish you well

August 7, 2009
3:19 am
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cpt1212
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I just drink I think to avoid the same things I used food for - to avoid pain. I don't want to sit up at night and think about suicide or not go to work bc I am too depressed.

August 8, 2009
5:15 am
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cpt1212
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Things r going better with me - I even have good days - but I keep repalcing one poor coping method with another - I don't know why I can keep making progress but screwing up so poorly in this area

August 8, 2009
5:59 am
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cpt1212
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Want to know the most pitiful thing u have ever heard - I drunlk email my therapist - pretty fucking pathetic

August 9, 2009
10:44 pm
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cpt1212
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Trying NOT to drink tonight.

August 10, 2009
3:26 am
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cpt1212
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I failed.

August 10, 2009
4:00 am
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cpt1212
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So I want the pictures in my head to go away. I want to think I am worthy, deserving. But I know in the quiet moments, that can't be.

August 10, 2009
5:36 am
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fantas
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I actually hear that this isn't uncommon with people who have gone through gastric bypass surgery. Of course you are replacing the food addiction with the liquor because the surgery didn't address the emotional side of the food issue. I heard the girl who had her surgery broadcast on TV along time ago share that about herself. She went through the same thing you are. Apparently the stomach absorbs liquor quicker than usual or something like that. Have you gone to AA yet?

I don't think you have failed. You are now peeling the second layer of your onion. You began to with the physical weight which was probably the most obvious and now you are going to the emotional. It takes a long time to sort it all out. At least three years before you can actually begin to feel like you actually know yourself if you are doing everything you are supposed to.

Keep posting and try to be gentle on yourself. Can the dr. who did the surgery recommend a good therapist for you?

August 10, 2009
2:49 pm
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cpt1212
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Sitting waiting @ intake facility waiting room - they will probably make me leave my pda soon. This waiting is hard.

August 11, 2009
4:10 pm
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jastypes
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I am right there with you. Had RNY 2 years ago. Left my abusive marriage and find myself abusing alcohol. I crave chaos. I still hate myself. I need to take my meds and start counseling but I'm still in self-destruct mode. Talk to me.

August 14, 2009
12:53 pm
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cpt1212
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Left detox today - my dr asked me if I was ready or needed to stay the weekend - I should have stayed the weekend - I have never felt this raw.

August 15, 2009
10:57 pm
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cpt1212
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I should have stayed the weekend - thursday was last day of previous antidepressant and now going through withdrawal - not fun would be an understatement.

August 16, 2009
8:01 pm
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cpt1212
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Hiding in the dark. Anti depressant withdrawal seems more an intense than alcohol withdrawal - although maybe it is just without the valium taper. This suks and I hate it - any kind words would be appreciated

August 17, 2009
10:05 pm
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cpt1212
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Did my first "intensive out-patient" session today - groups are fun! (That is sarcasm). I'm not judging - just noting my ability to disassociate is intact and I'm exhausted.

August 17, 2009
11:46 pm
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fantas
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(((Cpt))) How are you doing with the withdrawal? Hang in there with the group and all that stuff and give yourself a huge thank you for seeking and getting healing!!

August 18, 2009
8:03 am
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cpt1212
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Thanks fantas - I talked to my dr and she put me back on a small dose every other day - so don't know if I'm prolonging the inevitable, but feeling better for now and grateful.

This is difficult and I wish I didn't need to do it.

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