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Counsellors out there, please help?
November 21, 2001
5:10 am
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Tinkerbe11
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To any counsellor.Hi i am quite a regular on here.I don't know what to do.My life is going know where-emotionally, i feel sick all the time and don't eat much cos of it.I don't know where to go to get counselling in my area, i have tried so many places (im in uk).My last year at school was the worst in my life.Suffered agrophobia and panic and anxiety-which i still have but no where near as bad.my confidence had decrease BADLY. Im desperate.

Help!

November 21, 2001
10:49 am
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SuzyQ
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Hi Tinkerbe11,
I was skimming through the other thread. I also tried some searches online for counseling centers in the UK. I couldn't really find anything (but I'm not great at searches). Are you taking meds for your anxiety/depression? If you shared this on another thread, I apologize, I sometimes get too anxious to re-read through things. I do know that you were getting counseling through school for awhile. It sounds like they only do short-term therapy. Would it be possible to ask your former therapist for a referral to someone who can provide longer term counseling?
I'm sorry you're feeling such panic right now. Yoga and meditation can sometimes help with that too. It sounds like you have been through some cognitive therapy and are even taking a counseling class.
What's your family situation like? It sounds like you live with your parents. How do they treat you and have they been supportive with your situation? Do you ever write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal?
YIKES-I'm asking more questions and not really providing answers-sorry! I'd like to help, please continue to post.

November 21, 2001
11:22 am
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Ladeska
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The best thing to do for now - is to talk here. People need more information in order to talk to you intelligently. So, would just suggest opening up and talking about your hurts, what bothers you....we're listening...

November 21, 2001
2:11 pm
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Molly
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Make a list, put it here. Everything, go back to the thread words if you need help to language it. We are here for ya.

November 22, 2001
5:40 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Hey thanx a lot guys.Your posts have made me feel a tiny bit better already! I am on beta blockers for the panic-which are just to slow down the adrenaline.They are ok but don't help with anxiety.

SuzyQ/ladeska/molly:I was getting counselling but not through my school.I had to go to the docs and they refered me to hospital and they refered me to a place near by.I had almost a yr off school-the most important year-my exams.but i did do them. It was cognitive behavoiural and was only short term.I saw my counsellor personally on the 1st of october and have rung her a few times to chat since then.No help really though.I am currently doing a counselling course yes.My tutor has said it would be good for me to tell the class my situation and they could possible act as a support but one of my probs is trust. Find it hard.Yes my parents are supportive to an extent.Something went on tho in my child hood-mum was ill and i feel i can't tell her i want counselling again.i think she will think i am weak

November 22, 2001
10:47 am
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: Tell us more about how you felt when your mom was ill, if you can. I think this would help. My brother was ill when we were both younger and has been at the core of most of my problems in life. Only a suggestion. šŸ™‚

November 22, 2001
12:05 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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Cloud: I can't really tell you much of how i felt. I know how i feel now about the past-horrible.I was too young to understand about what was REALLY going on.I think this is due to some of my problems too. I felt it was my fault and all through my life i have.People tell me its not, i can't believe them.

November 23, 2001
10:19 am
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cloud
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Have you talked about this in therapy at all? If so, what did she say?

November 23, 2001
11:43 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Yes i have talked about this in therapy, a main reason i went to therapy! We worked thorugh it a lot. No help.

November 23, 2001
3:41 pm
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SuzyQ
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Tinkerbe11,
It sounds to me like your mother's illness from the past is still affecting you. It sounds like you worked through some of it and wasn't able to finish. Our childhoods can really have an effect on how we deal with things as adolescents or adults. Especially when feelings of guilt are involved. Believe me, I'm still working through a lot of my own history. Why do you feel like your mother's illness was your fault? I'm also wondering if your dependency issues from the other thread are related to your mother possibly being unavailable to you when she was ill at some point during childhood.
The cognitive therapy can only help to some extent with this. It sounds like you may need to work through your past more in therapy. I do give you a lot of credit for thinking about this stuff at age 17. I am in my 30's and just now starting to deal with some of my demons. At 17 all I could think about is how the f*** I was going to get out of the house and through school.

November 23, 2001
5:13 pm
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Molly
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Most children take on the blame for what ever is going on with the parents. Maybe if I was a better child, mum, would get better, or they won't be stressed, or they will stop fighting.
I don't know about putting it out to the entire class right now. That depends on you, these are your friends as well as classmates, and could make you feel uncomfortable. It also depends on how much controll the teacher has over the responses, and questions. Honor your instincts.

November 24, 2001
6:41 am
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Tinkerbe11
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SuzyQ:Yes my mums illness is still effecting me i think.Its not that i wasn't able to finish going through therapy, its just my counsellor thought i was well enough (but i didn't feel it). That made me mad-she can't see me at home or anywhere but int that room.She just thinks i still want to go because i am attched to her/dependant. I don't want to go for that cos i will see anyone to talk to.I feel its my fault because i must have been a bad baby for it to happen. i think my dependancy issues ARE related to my mum not really being avalible/ not showing much love when i was younger.GOSH You are good!she was ill for a very long time and is still a bit now.

Molly:Was interesting for what you said about sharing it with the class. Thanx.They are my friends, true, but not REALLY good friends. i don't see them out of the course.My tutor has assured me that if i do talk to them about it, she will stop it and prevent any form of judgements taking place, or if it gets too heavy.One suggestions is for the tutor to counsel me infront of everyone. I spose i just have to think about it.

Thanx.Keep posting if poss.

November 24, 2001
3:33 pm
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: How would you feel being counseled in front of your class?

November 25, 2001
10:32 am
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Tinkerbe11
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I'm not really sure about being counselled in front of my class.I want to i think but i am worried of judgements.What would you do in my situation? Any opinions welcomed.

November 25, 2001
12:28 pm
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Molly
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Just how open and strong are you, can you put your laundry out there, and do it with comfort? If not wait until you are stronger, with less issues. It could work in either direction for you depending on the trust of your tutor. I did it, not by choice when my father died. The girl I car pooled with had shared with the instructor that I was late due to a death in the family, it was a blessing, and not at all a surprise. The teacher put me on the hot seat, with the students in a circle around me to "break my denial"It was a 2 hour affair. The one thing that I learned was how to take a stand on my feelings.

November 25, 2001
12:34 pm
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SuzyQ
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Tinkerbe11,
I do agree with Molly to definitely trust your own judgment about this. I would be careful about the classroom thing.

HELP-I'm having flashbacks about college and grad. school!! šŸ™‚

Actually, we did a lot of this type of thing where people would have sessions in front of the class as well as videotaping them. I found that it was really difficult to make a session "real" in front of a group of people. Most of our sessions in front of the class were based more on situations we were going through on the job. People had good and bad experiences as a result. I think it can definitely be a learning opportunity for the class. But are you willing to put yourself out there? It does sound like the tutor/counselor who would facilitate this is cautious and would direct it appropriately though as to not make it too heavy. As I'm reading this, I'm realizing that I'm probably confusing you cuz I'm confusing myself by giving mixed messages-YIKES-sorry!
I really think that the best way you can get the support of classmates is by asking for names of counselors and agencies that can provide this service. I think there could be some serious trust and boundary issues in class otherwise.
Oh well, Good Luck!
Suzy Q šŸ™‚

November 25, 2001
12:51 pm
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SuzyQ
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Molly,
I didn't see your post until after my last post. Sounds like your experience was helpful.

In college, I had some different experiences with this. Our classmates were evaluating us as the therapist. I had one really bad experience and felt that the class was telling me I was a bad therapist. Tinkerbe11, maybe this is where my negative energy is coming from. It was definitely a different experience. Fortunately, that same day I had a positive session in another class. Another thing that I did experience is when I was 16 and in a psych. unit (many years ago), I was interviewed by a psychiatrist in front of the unit staff. It wasn't that threatening because they all knew my situation b4 the interview.
Okay, the good news is that I'm going to shut up already!

-Suzy Q šŸ™‚

November 25, 2001
2:58 pm
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cloud
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SuzyQ: You are funny šŸ™‚

Tinkerbe11: Like Molly and SuzyQ said, it is really up to your own judgement. The class may be able to give you some incredible insight into your issues; however, this may then lead to uncomfortable feelings later on.

November 26, 2001
3:43 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Molly:The answer to that is i am rather a closed person and i consider my self as not strong at all. People tell me i am tho. i don't feel it.How do u mean you learnt to stand on your own feelings? Ignore them? Thanx

SuzyQ:One person has already been counselled infront of us, and know one showed judgemnets of any kind.Hers was a different story i know.There are only 15 ppl in our class.I have tried (SO hard) getting names of agencies or counsellors, but i can't find anyone, willing to counsell me in the day-as don't want my parents to know.Thanx

Cloud:Yes trues, the class mybe able to give some insight on my issues. My tutor has told me i can say what i like (eg.not go into great depth).Kay has also said it would be good for me too.I got make my mind up! I got the course tomorow!AHH!

Thanx evreyone

Tinker

November 26, 2001
3:47 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Me again! Sorry. Just thought.In my counselling course, Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) has been mentioned.I kinda know what it means but could anyone simplify it for me??! Is it when the counsellor has no limits on the affection/.......(not the word)that they show towards the client?Is this wrong?

November 26, 2001
11:03 am
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deshong
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Tinkerbe11

I just sounds to me that you mught have some guilt or even anger. I know my sister was sickly and I had to finally admit to anger and resentment because I felt that my needs were not being met. The anger then led to alot of guilt because I felt selfish and mad for feeling this way. Much confusion but I worked through it and you can too!!!

November 26, 2001
1:01 pm
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Molly
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I would have to go through my text books, but unconditional postitive regard, and perhaps Cici, might check in, but could be where the therapist must put their value system aside, and acknowledge what ever positive there is for the client. Growth, where it may be slow, validation?
With respect to the class room situation that I survived, it was brutal, it was extreamly confrontational, I wanted to toss a fit so many times because they were going after something that did not exist, it was a good lesson on projection, they wanted me to experience sadness, loss, pain. It was not that at all , due to the legnth of time my dad had been in a vegetable like state, he was free, was my feeling. they didn't want to accept that. So, I had to defend my position, in a way, just like the animal backed into the corner, even if I had been in denial, the effort it took to defend my position would have clouded my openness, does that make sense. Rather than the opportunity to hear, I had to fight. it was not controlled as well as it could have been and took time for me to get over it. I wouldn't say it was exactly a positive or a negative thing, but was extreamly emotionally exhausting. I have often referred to it, as sport f*****g with some ones brain, and psyche. The professor, did have one heck of an ego, and had lots of fun with the students, with out many checks and balances if you know what I mean, ethics were questionable. Some one else could have been damaged. Trust your instincts. True, we often appear stronger to others, and then we are often stronger than what we think we are. One of the things that I have learned after going to school, taking so many seminars, all of the psycho babble, is that some questions never get answered, some things don't need to get dug up, disected, hashed over analyzed, and tossed out again and again. Please do not think that this is in regard to your situation, but sometimes we look for the what happened, to put a label on it, perhaps to blame or an excuse, rather than to go, ok ugh duh, this is who I am and move foreward. Sure for every action, there is a reaction, and our child hood does have so much to do with how we process things as an adult, but don't we sometimes take way to much time exploring rather than moving foreward? All of our experiences is what has help to shape the uniqueness of our individuality our own personal gifts, insights, and abilities. True, some of our feelings we do have to acknowledge and move on. You can't ignore them, but you don't have to empower all of them either. Like being an adult and trying to figure out how you processed things as a child, you were a child then, and an adult now. Sometimes we spend to much time alone in our heads, with all the information we get, and have learned in those psych classes. Graduate student syndrome!!!!!!!!!!!!! We look at our selves, and others with what we have learned and are in constant analysis. Sure you have some anger and guilt most likely due to your mothers illness. You got cheated as a child by not having a healthy parent. But when you look at some of these threads over the years, and as you go into the field with your clients, and or classmates, you will wonder if any one did have a healthy parent, or just how we did survive the parenting we got, or if we got any. Like making a mountain out of a mole hill. I sure hope my rant this morning doesn't confuse you, just another way of looking at a situation.

November 27, 2001
5:12 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Molly:Thanx for taking the time to write. Much apprieciated.It didn't confuse me too much!It was interesting to hear your story.I think i have made my mind up but i want someone to just tell me that thats the right thing to do. I may regret it when i have done it.I know that you shouldn't make a mountain outa a mole hill but it feels like everest at the moment!I suppose i won't know what the result in telling the class will be until i have done it.I see it as the ppl closest to me (my tutor, old counsellor) think i should and they obviuosly think i can do it. I don't know

Thanx a lot for your post.

Tinker

November 27, 2001
11:33 am
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Molly
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Then go for it, it may be an opportunity to break through. You have nothing to fear but fear its self, and everyone that I have heard of that has climbed mt everest, stated it was the adventure of a life time,, you go girl.

November 27, 2001
4:15 pm
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cloud
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Good luck if you do it.

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