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Counseling: What, how, when?? Advice!!
January 13, 2000
7:20 pm
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holly2000
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Hi everyone. I have been reading some of the other threads and it is obvious many of you understand alot about getting help for issues. I am torn between going to a counselor or not, because my rational mind tells me that I should be able to "reason away" most of my anxieties, fears, doubts, phobias, relationship problems, etc, on my own.

Is it worth it? Can they really help you? I have never gone and have never considered it until now, but from what is posted here I have been a candidate for years! Codependency, relationship addiction, depression, repetition of patterns, obsession-compulsion - I have it all! Please explain some of the basics and how to get started and what to expect.

Thanks, I hope all of you that have a group here are open to newcomers butting in!

January 13, 2000
9:24 pm
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kec
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HI HOLLY2000

I am new here also, but I am not new to counseling I'm working on three years now, If you are ready for your life to be thrown some cruve balls and you are ready to work on seeing your life for the way it is then go for it. At times I love my Dr. and times I hate him. But I have worked on a lot of problems with him that was really tearing up my life, If it was not for him I would not be here now, Do find someone you can connect to because once you start it maybe a while before you quit. Some times the most expensive ones are not the best ones, Good luck and happy hunting kec

January 14, 2000
8:38 am
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pinky
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hi holly2000,

I'm rather new here also. In my country, counselling isn;t popular. In the past, I've a misconception that only people with mental illness need to see a counsellor / psychologist. I only have a chance to expose more about counselling when I went to university.

Like you, I was torn between whether to go counselling or not when I felt depressed (family problems). Finally, I decided to go and I'm still seeing the counsellor now.

I think I've made a right decision that time. My counsellor provides me a lot of insight and help me to look at a problem in different perspectives. Although sometimes, I feel a bit tense when seeing her (because the "homework" that she needed me to do is quite tough for me sometimes), i do learnt a lot.

Good luck Holly2000!!

Best wishes,
Pinky

January 14, 2000
5:44 pm
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mnms
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Going to counseling and continuing with it has always been a hard thing for me. It took several tries before I first found a counselor that I connected with, but once I did, I believe it was worth it. Counseling has helped me a lot, but it is hard. Don't go unless you are willing to work -- hard work it is. Only go when you are ready, but don't let fear get in the way of going.

January 17, 2000
7:01 pm
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BROC
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Yes, counseling is the answer. In my opinion, its the ONLY way to get right, if you know what I mean.

I had a huge debate over this in another thread - doing it yourself vs. seeing a counselor.

Both of us had good arguements. My opponent, if you want to call her that, advocated doing it yourself. Again, I do not.

She had done alot of investigating on her own, self exploration, etc. Using books, this site, etc., that MAY help.

HOWEVER, and a big HOWEVER, it could take you YEARS to get enough information together to help you diagnois what your problems "issues" are. Then, you will have to work like hell to cure your ills, which could take many more years of researching, learning, etc. Then, after all that time, it is VERY likely that since you were a novice, you didn't get it right...meaning you missed something. And let me tell you what, if you miss just one thing, you will still keep falling on your ass and although it won't be as bad as before, your life still won't be what it could be had you just went in and got some help from a specialist.

They have studied this stuff. Some have taught, published, etc. This gives you a tool. You will do 99% of the work, the therapist will just guide you.

Its tough work. Change is hard, thats why most don't do it. Most people really think they are OK, and everyone else is the problem. Their mate, job, boss, finances...something other than THEM is the problem. You have taken that first critical step and made the decision that its YOU that needs to change. It is true that your mates have been buttheads, but it was YOU that choose those buttheads.

I promise you that if you stick with it, you will change and with that change your life will change like you never believed possible!

Nice, healthy mates will come into your life. New friends, HEALTHY friends will replace the old ones that stay stuck like you were once were.

It really is amazing!

Let me know if I can help futher.

Broc

January 17, 2000
8:41 pm
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VRJ
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Hey BROC, you sound a bit better every day! Just a little encouragement to make you smile. And the sledgehammer is idle today.

January 18, 2000
1:37 pm
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hazza
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Broc,
I DID NOT SAY ANYONE SHOULD GO IT ALONE!!!1
i JUST SAID THAT PEOPLE CAN GET BETTER ALONE IF THAT IS THE ONLY OPTION AVAILABLE TO THEM.
I thought you got my meaning by now!
Sigh!

January 18, 2000
2:31 pm
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infaith
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Hazza, dont stress it. Perhaps Broc has problems letting go of controlling peoples opinions. I personally found great healing and a blessed happy life in doing my own personal work that needed to be done. IN fact a therapist can sometimes take away the power from you when it really belongs with you all the time. All answers lie within, its just a matter of learning to trust yourself which comes with self love and respect. A faith in god and the loving energy of the universe is the true partner in healing.:) with which all things are possible...... not a pollyanna approach but a real, tried and tested approach which resulted in great faith and major changes. Broc, I am glad you found great release and healing with a therapist but the true work comes from within and your higher power. I have often seen you on here looking for confirmation and answers when they weren't found in your therapy sessions, which sometimes left you with doubts. Its not about "winning or losing" its about listening to the valued opinion of others and integrating those into your own personal truth. You still own your truth, its just richer. God bless

January 21, 2000
7:21 pm
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BROC
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Hazza,

Whatever. White flag. Lets agree to diagree. Out-

infaith - again, whatever. you call me controlling. you don't even know me. i have and am still busting my ass with the stuff. I stuggle with control, and have about licked it.

Is it controlling to believe and take a stand on that belief. I let everyone else do it without a beep. I would apprecitate the same in return.

And, one more f-cking time, YES I do believe you can do it alone, IF, and ONLY IF you first have the knowledge your screwed up, second, willing to accept that fact, and third, spent a zillion hours reading material to find out the problem. Then, has Hazza has said many times, works on the cure. Because without that, forget it. You can do steps 1-3, but if you don't work at curing what you found in those steps, you are no better off, and in my opinion much worse off than you were before - because not only are you screwed up, but you know it, and aren't doing anything about it. Kind of like many other dysfuncitonal behaviors!

Out-
Broc!

January 27, 2000
7:56 am
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Brittainy
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Counselling does work, it may take time, but it is worth it. Good luck

January 27, 2000
12:45 pm
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holly2001
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I am going today for my first session with my new woman counselor. I am so excited, but afraid I won't be able to explain everything I want to accomplish in an hour! What is the goal for a first session? I have a 5-page list of things I want to accomplish with details for some of them, to try to say why, but should I show it to her? Will she ask me questions, or will I just have to talk? The last guy I went to doesn't represent the "standard" I don't think. I couldn't get a word in edgewise! He kept telling me about his wife and kids, serotonin, "Mars and Venus", etc. It was terribly frustrating, I could just feel the minutes ticking away and I wasn't getting anything done. I hope that the reason it takes a long time in therapy to make any positive progress is not because you have to have a friendly "conversation" every time! I can't afford that!

January 31, 2000
2:28 pm
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infaith
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that therapist should have his liceneced revoked...unreal

February 3, 2000
12:05 am
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penny
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Good luck with this. I've been going to a counselor for a short time now, and I too was very unsure about what to expect...when my first visit wasn't as I expected, I found myself upset and called the cancel the second visit...I was determined to find a second counselor. But, my counselor called me to find out what had made me decide to cancel the appointment, and I agreed to a second. At the second, we talked briefly about some things she had said the first time that made me uncomfortable/upset, and after listening to her, I really felt a lot better about counseling with her. She told me that I needed to be open and honest with her about things that upset me, because it could stem from other things (she said to tell her if she says things that make me angry, etc., not that she tries to make me angry or anything, but just that it could lead to other things that are bothering me). Anyway, after my third visit tonight, I'm really starting to feel more comfortable with her and think I will be able to open up. I too have thought for a long time now that I ought to be able to take charge of my life and straighten out these thoughts in my head on my own...and I have tried...but after thoughts of death and after almost losing my job because of depression, I finally decided to seek medical help and counseling (the counseling has come a bit later, after I got up the courage). Anyway, just keep the faith and I wish you the best with this. If things don't work with this counselor, don't be afraid to try someone else...and be perfectly honest about what you're looking for and about being unsure about what to expect with counseling. She can explain this to you, if she knows what she should.

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