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counseling dependency 2
October 20, 2001
3:36 pm
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cloud
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Oh God, I know exactly what you mean by everything reminding you of your counselor. Perfume, lotion, the air in a hallway...anything. It's tough to deal with. I have this lotion that I used to put on every time before my sessions with Christine, just because I used to wash my hands before it and then put on the lotion. Well, now, that lotion brings me back to those times ever time I put it on. So sometimes I can't even put it on because it makes me too sad.

I would hope that it never gets to the stage where Barbara can't help me. But maybe I should test it to see. It's not that I want to become dependent on her, it's just that I feel I need to have someone to attach to or else I don't feel I exist. And I don't have Felice anymore...I never will again.

When you go back to school, I would find out about the counseling services they have there and don't be embarrassed or ashamed or anything. You know what it is you need, so go for it. And let me know how it works out.

October 21, 2001
1:57 am
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Cloud and Tinkerbe11,
This is weird, but I just thought about something after emailing someone from another thread on this site. I thought I should write this. My own therapist will be dropping me in a few weeks because of the HMO. I will probably be seeing her privately and having to pay out of pocket (SUCKS!) since I've already shared a lot and don't want to start over. With everything going on, she may not even have a vacancy in her private practice. I definitely will feel abandoned if I'm dropped. Wow, I didn't think I could be this upset about something like that. She said that she was looking out for a time for me. But if it doesn't work out, I will move on and won't act out. I'm still entitled to my anger though, da*n it! (if I can even say that on this site??)
Let me know what you think 🙂

October 21, 2001
6:49 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Cloud:yep. EVERYTHING reminds us them doesn't it.even my perfume and my clothes(!).i just think oh i wore this last time i saw her.i so annoying.don't you think?

what u said about u need someone to latch onto or u feel non-existant, i kinda feel that way too.now i don't see my counsellor it feels my life has no meaning and has ended.i was thinking this morning...after january, i may never see her again in my life and this is scary.

i asked my counselling tutor about if she did counselling but she only does it private.i can't afford their prices!!its stupid we have to pay to get help!

SuzyQ:i think it absolutly sucks too if you have to pay.its like-we need help and others get paid to sit and listen.bad huh?i agree wit u that it is a better idea to stay with her.with my counsellor, ive told her so much private stuff that i could never tell n e one else. yeh u r intitled to your anger.i would be if i was you. i felt kinda abandoned even though i knew when the termination date was.

all the best. lets us know how u get on

tinkerbe11

October 21, 2001
9:33 am
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damaged
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SuzyQ I can relate to this. I am kind of going through this myself right now. I have to give up my counselor I liked very much. Now I went to find a new one and they put me with a man when I requested a woman counselor. Now I am really feeling the anger. I have to give up the one I like to be put with a man and I don't even really like men. Any way I wish you the best and I hope you get what you need.

October 22, 2001
5:32 pm
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cloud
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Sorry for taking so long to write back. It's so wrong that those of us who either have no insurance or whatever, can't get the help we need. And when you're finally going somewhere, you're dropped because of your insurance. It's horrible and so completely unfair. I was lucky to have a place at my school to get counseling, but I guess some of us are not so lucky. What am I saying anyway? I lost that.

October 23, 2001
9:16 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Cloud: i agree too.how are you? I had a second dream about my counsellor last night.it was so perfect and i wish that it was true.all i can think of now is that the dream was reality-not actual real life when she did not hug me.in this dream i went to the review again with my parents and sister and on the way out she walked us to the car. before i got in she gave me the biggest hug and said that she'd miss me.this was wierd cos it was the total opposite when i left last time. she came down stairs with us (because i had to find some leaflets i needed for a project i was doing)and i said 'thanx you have helped me so much'.have a good xmas.so she said ok i'll leave you to it.u can find what u want.bye. i felt so dissapointed, but i suppose its her way of being professional.

the amount of times i ask myself WHY, did i let it go? u don't know what u got until its gone.this week i'm finding it very hard.i have worked it out i see her in 12 weeks.ahhhh!ages away.

can n e 1 help me get over it?i don't know what i can do to forget it.ITS SO HARD.

Tinkerbe11

October 23, 2001
10:10 am
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damaged
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Tinkerbell the only thing that heals pain like that is to talk about it and the biggiest one is TIME. Time is what you need. I feel its ok to still care for her. This is a growing experience for you. Believe me I know I have been there done that so many times. I don't let myself get attached to very many in my age but I did with my last counselor and now I am having to use my experience and get through it. She will always be important to me just by what she has helped me with. Even if I never saw or spoke with her again she will always be special to me. I feel thats ok.

October 23, 2001
12:34 pm
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cloud
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Damaged is right. Time is very important in trying to get over these attachments. I would never have thought, back in July, that I would ever even slightly get over Felice. I seriously thought I would die first and actually wanted to die if I couldn't have her. Now it's the end of October and I am finally seeing the gradual dissipation of the attachment. It's been 4 months since I've seen Felice and little by little (even if I didn't realize it as it was happening), I've lost the image and a lot of the emotion. I still can't help but think about her a lot, but I think I am finally accepting that I'll never see her again. I've taken her picture out of my purse and her number off of my cell phone. Little by little, I'm doing it. And you can too. It just takes time. Unfortunately, some people can't wait that long. I'm glad I did. My next battle is not letting it happen again.

October 23, 2001
12:50 pm
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damaged
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oh Cloud I am so happy to hear that you are doing better about this attachement. You sound like you are doing the right thing and in the TIME you need to do it. Then just chalk it up as experience. This whole thing will make you a stroger person. Thats the way I see it anyway.

October 23, 2001
12:53 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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Hey Damaged and Cloud. Thanx a lot for your last threads.It helped a bit.It hurts so much inside and you're the only guys i can talk to about this particular topic.Its probably hard for me because i am an impatient kinda person.

Thanks. Tinkerbe11

October 23, 2001
12:54 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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I agree damaged.so many people have said to me when i am better it WILL be a stronger person

October 23, 2001
2:25 pm
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damaged
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Tinkerbe11

I am far from being were I want or need to be but but I am much of a stronger person that I was nine months ago. Today nine months ago was my last drink and my last drunk. On the 24th was the day I choose to move forward wiht my life. Hell it has been so hard but its worth all the hard work. No gain without pain. Maybe your problems is not drinking and neither was mine my problem was me. Today I like hanging around me.

October 24, 2001
7:15 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Damaged: Hey thats good news that u have come so far. No my problem is no drink related but still every single day i can feel myself growing stronger.(Thanx to you guys too)

All the best

Tinkerbe11

October 24, 2001
9:14 am
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cloud
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Hey Damaged, that's really an accomplishment. Something to be very proud of. Keep it up!

October 24, 2001
4:37 pm
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cloud
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I know my group therapy is going to be ending soon. The last time might either be tomorrow or next Thursday. But either way, I am going to miss it. I think the part that I'm going to miss the most is going up there twice a week. I go on Tues. and Thurs. (Tues for therapy, Thurs for group). I've been wondering if I should ask my therapist if I can come in twice a week for therapy when group ends. What do you think of this and how should I go about asking this?

October 25, 2001
12:35 am
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damaged
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Cloud and tinkerbe11

Hey thanks to the two of you. I hope you are both doing ok. I start my new counselor on the 31st. I hope I like her but I kind of don't think I am going to allow myself to get close to her. I like that saying I am a rock. I know if I look at it that away than she can help. I'll just see how chapter two in counseling goes for me.

October 25, 2001
6:41 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Cloud: if that is how you feel then you should ask and see what she has to say about twice a week. Do you think she will let you? Just say to her you don’t feel able to go it alone yet and think twice weekly would help??? Hope this helps

Damaged: I hope your new counsellor is ok. Im sure she will be. It must be so hard ‘starting over’ agian with some one you don’t know. Let us know how you get on

Tinkerbe11

October 25, 2001
1:48 pm
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cloud
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Damaged: I know what you mean about not letting yourself get too close, but then doesn't it sort of hinder your progress? I know for me, when I don't let a counselor get too close, I wind up blocking them off so much, they can't even help me.

Tinkerbe11: Today was the last group session. I felt kinda mad because I didn't really get to work on me in the group. But Barbara said she is going to be starting another group in two weeks from today, so I guess that's good too. I didn't bother asking about coming in twice a week since she said we would be doing group again. So how are you?

October 26, 2001
2:07 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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Hi Cloud: I hope that they do set up another group session for you. Its sounds to me that is exactly what u need again. I have never experienced group counselling, so does it help a great deal? Maybe I ought to come to your group (if I lived in America)! How many are in your group? You said you didn’t get to work on you, is that cos everyone else had a turn? Just see if they set another, if not I would ask for twice a week one to one counselling. I’m not too bad thanx for asking. Go bk to college on Monday which I am not looking forward to. But I have promised myself to go see a school counsellor. I need to I think. Do u think I should tell my parents I intend to? I don’t think I should.

Tinkkerbe11

October 26, 2001
3:01 pm
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: I don't think it's necessary that you tell your parents about your plans to go to a school counselor. I think it is entirely up to you and you don't need anyone telling you otherwise. However, once you are in counseling again and maybe feel a little more comfortable, I don't think it would be such a bad idea to let your parents know what's been going on. But it's all your choice. You have to take care of yourself first before you can really help or care for anyone else.

I hope we have another group too and it would be great if you could be in it. Unfortunately, we are so far away from each other. (Although, doesn't it seem like we are so close when we write each other??? Almost like you are right next to me.) I had never been in group either, but it gives me a chance to hear what other people have to say and also to see my counselor in a different light, not just in one-on-one. I started the group 3 sessions late because I hadn't been in that agency yet. So I never really got the hang of it or got to discuss myself. (Also didn't feel incredibly comfortable talking about myself with them yet.) But now I'm ready to get better, I think.

October 27, 2001
2:37 am
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Everyone,

I was in counesling for a year and a half with the same counselor at college. We worked on things so terrible I'd rather not mention, but I thought I was dependent on him as well. And during the process, I was to a certain extent. However, I have since fully recovered from my debilitating condition and we terminated the sessions on a very positive note. I no longer feel dependent on the counselor or the need for constant communication. I believed ending the relationship would be one of the hardest parts, but you'd be surprised.

Just thought I'd provide words of comfort to those who can't see that far yet. But only with self motivation, determination, courage and by having no despair...you will.

October 27, 2001
12:14 pm
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cloud
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Anonymous00: Thanks for the encouragement. Can I ask how exactly you unlatched yourself from the hold of dependency on your counselor? And how long did it take you to feel that you did not need your counselor anymore?

October 27, 2001
4:03 pm
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Well, the semester was winding to an end, I was transfering, and the problems that brought me to counseling had been resolved.

I'd say it was only a matter of a month for that dependance to die down and dissolve. And now, I'm my own guy.

Occasionally, I will call back with a minor problem I'm not exactly sure how to go about and appreciate advice from someone who knows me so well. But those times are rare and it's never very personal.

So, that's that.

October 28, 2001
6:33 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Cloud:Yes. I do feel very close to you as if we have been friends for ages. Thats good though.

I too think i would not be able to talk personally in a group to begin with. It must be hard.

Hey good words from annonomous isn't it. Its been a month (exactly tomorow)that i saw kay.Yes i said her name!at the moment i can't see my attachement to her getting much better. I was in my local shopping mall yesterday and this girl walked in.i really thought it was her.i suppose these feelings have worsened this wekk beacuse im not busy (eg at college). I duno......

Tinkerbe11

October 28, 2001
2:03 pm
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Hi Cloud. (or anyone who wants to reply!) I’m back again! Just to ask this time for a bit of advice. This time about a year ago I dated this guy from my school. I can actually say for the, first time probably, I was in love. He split with me after a couple of months cos he said he had family problems. When we split this is when I first became ill. I talked to my counsellor about the connection with having panic attacks and anxiety and splitting with him. (long story but I feel unloved by most people not just lads). The opportunity has come around again and I as we have been in contact a lot again. I wondered what you think. Shall I just go for it (cos I feel something is holding me back.) I just want to ask him out but am scared of rejection.

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