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counseling dependency 2
October 3, 2001
9:19 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Damaged:U know what? That is gr8 news to hear that! Well done.
It didn't go so well with me but its all coming 2gether (kinda). i just felt like crying all the way through it but we have discussed the possibility of me seeing her once a month just til xmas which isn't so bad. Let us know how u r getting on now without seeing her/him(counsellor). It would be interesting. Thanx for listening

October 3, 2001
9:22 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Hey Cloud. Me again. HAve you realised that this tread is one of the most popular on here? U obviouls have done much good as many ppl r going through this. It has really helped me to find answers and to know that others r going through it too. Well done!

October 3, 2001
2:27 pm
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Tinkerbe11: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write back. I really wanted to be here for you on Monday. I couldn't get through to this site for 2 days. Well, I know how hard it must have been at your last session. You said your counselor said you could go once a month for the next 3 months? Is that correct? That's three more times. It's better than nothing, right? She said your case will be closed after that? If you don't mind me asking...what was the reason you started going in the first place? It seems that she feels you are much better, but do YOU feel much better about the main reason you went in? Thanks for complimenting me on this thread. When I started it, I really thought I was the only one out there who has this problem. Then I started getting replies back from people who said they knew what I was talking about. I was so surprised. I'm so glad that I have started something here that can help others and myself at the same time.

My session went well yesterday. We worked on some "boundary" skills, because that seems to be my biggest problem. I did't cry yesterday, which is a good thing, because I usually always cry in session. I'm feeling a little better lately.

Keep posting!!! 🙂

October 3, 2001
2:28 pm
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cloud
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Gosh, I think I'm gonna have to start a counseling dependecy 3 soon! We just keep on rolling...(the more the better!!!)

October 4, 2001
3:29 am
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Cloud: Yep thats rite- 3 more times. i go to the review a week on friday to disscuss it.Yeh she said my case would be closed after xmas.i will tell u now. i am 17 by the way.(i hope this doesn't effect you still replying to me as i have had it many times before)my problem started last xmas around when i was taking some quite important exams. i started to panic in one of them(for no apparant reason) and i sat there and barely did the exam.i started to walk out of shcool and started to have bad panic attacks everywhere. i became slightly agrophobic and very anxious.i went to the docs just after xmas and he refered me to this cognitive counsellor. i do feel much better now but still not well. i relly feel i will go bk to the way i was without her help but she said i get these felling which are natural and i automatically assume they are panic feelings.
can i ask what boundary skills are? im glad it went well for you.
i no i am feeling better lately-prob cause i'm not the only one for feeling like this!
WBS 🙂

October 4, 2001
9:06 am
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: Your age doesn't affect me replying to you. I'm only 21. And I was just 17 four years ago. I was going through depression back then. You must hear this from everyone, but those teenage years are the toughest. Anyway, I see what you mean now. I think those cognitive counselors (who by the way I believe are very effective) work with people on a short-term basis, to try to get the person "back on track" so to speak. So they are giving your case one year. Now is the problem that you really feel you will go back to having the panic attacks? Or is it that you just don't want to leave your counselor? How is your anxiety now? Now that you've been in therapy?
Those boundary skills I was talking about...I don't even know exactly what I mean when I say it...but I have problems with understanding my own boundaries and other's. Like, my disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) causes me to have trouble understanding "where I end" and "where others begin". This is the best I can explain it. Hope I made it clear.

October 4, 2001
9:43 am
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Tinkerbe11
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cloud:sorry to hear you were suffering deppression bk then. r u free of that now?
i thought cognitive counselling was just a short term but in a way i can't admit it sumtimes. it is very effective but sometimes i feel not enough. what more do i want? i feel i will go bk to having panic attacks but i will miss my counsellor SO much. i feel she cares about me (to a certain extent) and listens (when some just can't be bothered). she has done so much for me and i worry without her guidance i will 'loose it'.i get very attached to people too.
my anxiety has DEFINETLY decreaes a lot since seeing her as once i would not go to school, leave my house and jsut felt 'trapped' all of the time. i have come a long way as i am in college full time, doing the counselling course, and little things like that.thanx for explaing thhose boundaries. i kinda understand them.

October 4, 2001
10:15 am
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damaged
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Tinker11
Hey I was 17 once and it was so hard!! I wish I knew then some of the stuff I know now. Being that age is really hard. But I think you are doing good by getting help and even trying to understand some of the stuff that is going on with you. At seventeen I didn't care about anything but partying, and death didn't scare me. I guess it still doesn't but I am enjoying me today.
The more you learn today the better you will be when you get to be old like me. lol

October 4, 2001
8:46 pm
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Cloud,
In some ways I feel that my giving info. to this person backfired. She gave me a suicide letter after the w/e was over. Another outside therapist had also given her this diagnosis as well as Bipolar D/O. The parent is involved and brought her home from school. The parent also has been trying to get her to go to counseling and a doctor and she has refused. Myself and her former therapist from last year have recommended psychiatric consults for several months. The parent is finally agreeing to it. My own guilt issues always run me the risk of feeling that I may have triggered the suicidal feelings by giving her info. I think she was headed in that direction by a lot of her behavior, but still have feelings that I may have contributed.

Tinkerbe11:
I know Panic Attacks are scary as I have a heart condition which exacerbates similar symptoms. Cognitive therapy is a good thing and I do a weekly group on it at the school I work at. Good Luck with everything!

October 4, 2001
9:52 pm
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I think that this is probably the most popular thread. It's interesting because I am a therapist and it helps me to understand these dependency issues. I have also been in therapy on and off (mostly off) for almost 20 yrs. and began again recently. However, I have consulted with therapists re: personal and professional issues over the last 10yrs. I can definitely see how these dependencies can occur. Most therapists seem to advocate for clients and are sincere about empowering them. However, there are some out there unfortunately who may promote the dependency issues (consciously or subconsciously). Granted, clients and therapists come with issues so there's no reason to blame people, but just explain it. For whatever reason, fortunately, my therapeutic relationships have been appropriate. I honor the profession and cherish the sessions, but haven't developed dependency (trust me I have codependency issues in other areas). I'm more likely to run if I share too much.
However, a client of mine with OCD just told me today that he could beome obsessed with me. I work in a school and this young man requests to talk to me on a daily basis. He has told me that he will have a good day if he knows he can talk to me. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have so many crises going on daily that I can't honor his request. I have been relatively consistent in seeing him weekly and have let him know subtley that maybe my limited contact has helped him gain control over this potential obsession. I give him a lot of credit for being honest with me.

October 5, 2001
3:10 am
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Tinkerbe11
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SuzyQ:Thats really good doing cognitive counselling in your school. if only others did that. i feel people just dont know enough about it as some people in my college don't even understand the word 'cognition'-obviuosly to no fault of thier own.

oh and i also agree this is the most popular thread! everyone keep posting!
Tinkerbe11

October 5, 2001
3:03 pm
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Hey Cloud. I have been flicking through this counselling dependancy 2 and it is gettin so long! u will soon have to start counselling dependancy 3! Your are doing so well keeping replying to all these people and are doing gr8 for people (and i bet for yourself too hopefully). How are you getting on? I had a minor hitch at the beginning of the week. The 2 days after i saw my counsellor, i had a virus and i just felt like s**t and had 2 days off of college. I felt so run-down and no energy and didn't see the point in doing anything. I think this feeling may had had something to do with the fact it didn't go so well on monday. I have kinda realised now its not the end of the world (close though!) as i will still be seeing her up until xmas. i have also found a holiday job which i'm really looking forward to-working with kids. hopefully independance is the key to my success (feeling better!). Keep posting. Really like hearing from u.

October 6, 2001
3:41 pm
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cloud
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Hey Tinkerbe11, I'm so happy for you that you are looking at this situation differently now. I'm glad you got a new job and are looking forward to it! That's definitely a step in the right direction for you. I'm sure you are going to still feel badly about your counselor and everything, but at least you get to go once a month like you said.

This thread is so incredible. I still can't believe how many people have responded. Maybe I can get this in the ginuses book of world records! (Just kidding!)

I've been doing all right. I have a few homework assignments for this coming week for my session. She wants me to write poems about my issues. This is not hard at all since I'm constantly writing poetry.

SuzyQ: I honestly don't think it was "your fault" that your student wrote you that suicide letter. With people like me, (BPD), a lot of us are always thinking about suicide, like a fantasy. I'm sure it was already on her mind. And when we hear about someone else who has done it recently, we want to do it more. That's just how it is. Maybe now she will get all the help she's been needing. Look at it in a good way. She didn't go through with it. She gave you the letter. I did the same exact thing in my junior year of high school.

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!

October 6, 2001
4:08 pm
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Cloud:i have decided by looking at the situation differently, this is the only way to get over it (don't know how long this feeling will last though!!). i bet this would get in the guiness book!

Thats gr8 that your hwk is based on a hobby. i am always happy to do hwk from my sessions which i know i will find interesting and will like.

Tinkerbe11

October 7, 2001
5:51 pm
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: Me too. I like doing homework for my sessions because then I feel I am doing something constructive during the week that will hopefully help me. I'm glad you've decided to look at things differently. I know that it is hard and can change the next minute. You never know how long it's going to last. But I give you a lot of credit for trying.

October 8, 2001
3:21 am
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Cloud: Hey! We've got lots in common then!!!Yeh i feel its constructive too and i feel i'm helping myself alot when i enjoy it.

You know, when u r better, u really should think of becoming a counsellor. I know we are only speaking over the internet, but you have really helped me and i think you'd make an EXCELLENT one!

i got a question for u. Do u know how long u will be seeing, is it babara, for?-your counsellor, or is it just as long as u feel the need?

Tinkerbe11

October 9, 2001
7:58 am
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Cloud: How did your session go today with your counsellor?
Just wondered how you r getting on.

October 9, 2001
10:33 am
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Tinkerbe11: Thanks! I really think I could be a good counselor as soon as I get better myself. I really like helping others and love the field of psychology. So how is your class going? I have my session in 20 minutes. In fact, I have to leave soon in order to get there! Barbara says they do "short-term" therapy at the place I'm going. But I don't exactly know what they consider "short-term". Honestly, if it means a year, I won't be dissapointed, because I would really like to be better in a year. In a year, I hope to be in grad school studying counseling and wouldn't want to still be feeling the way I do now. I want to be of some help to others 🙂 If "short-term" is less than a year, I don't think I will get better in that amount of time. But I guess we'll see how it goes.

October 9, 2001
11:36 am
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Cloud: my class is going gr8 thanx. how was your session? the counselling im going through is supposed to be short term and i have been seeing her since march so its almost a yr too.

U r write. u can't predict the future. u never know a mirricle may happen and u get better before then.

October 9, 2001
1:03 pm
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My session went okay, I guess. I was going to go in and talk about something in particular, a dream I had last night. But then when I got there, I decided not to even mention it. I felt that if I talked about my dream last night, I would become too upset and start crying (even though my dream was actually good). This is the dream I had...

I was somewhere (I have no idea where) and I saw Felice near me. So I kept looking over my shoulder but she wasn't looking my way. Then eventually, our eyes met and I said, "Felice?" And she looked at me and didn't turn away. That's the key point here. Most of my "obsessions" have turned away in my dreams, ignoring me. But she didn't. And we walked over to this room and I started telling her something...explaining something. And she was very empathetic. I have no idea what I or she was saying though. Then I remember, she touched my arm as if to say, "it's okay." And then she gave me a great big hug. And the hug lasted for so long, or at least it felt so long. During this hug, my empty hole felt so full. I felt so happy inside and like my lifeless body was brought to life again. (This must sound pathetic.) Then we were done talking and we left the room. And then I just gave her one last hug. Then the dream was over. This was the very first dream I've ever had about Felice.

October 10, 2001
7:57 am
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Cloud:Oh my!That is really interesting to hear that. Its really weird. I had a similar dream about my counsellor a couple of weeks ago that i just didn't want to wake up from.

i dreamt i went to see 'her' (i don't want to say her name just incase someone reads this!) and we talked lots - don't know what but i remember i started to cry. she put her hand on my knee and put her arm around me and said it was going to be alright. i went downstairs and into the car park.my dad was picking me up and i got into the car and remebered i'd forgot my diary (as i have to keep a diary-part of cognitve-behavouiral therapy). i went passed to room we were in and she was in there crying and her boss was hugging her. she was crying because what i told her( i dont even know what it was!) i went in and she hugged me and she said sorry.the end!
it may sound weird too but i felt close to her.that is too the only dream i've had of her.
may i ask how old felice is?

i had some good news today. my goegraphy teacher from the passed 5 years left in august to move to france and she is college this and last week. i went to see if i could find her to see her (as she writes to me and feels like a very good friend.) i went to the staff room and there she was. she gave me the biggest hug. i just though i would share that with u as it made me feel happy.

keep posting!

Tinkerbe11

October 10, 2001
9:21 am
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cloud
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Tinkerbe: It sounds like your dream came true, only with your geography teacher instead! Cool.
I had teachers like that who I was friendly with. Unfortunately, we lost touch. Do you think it is typical for clients to have dreams about their therapists? I mean, they are a big part of our lives, right? I just wonder what the hugging means. Is it something we long for so much? Felice is probably around her mid-fifties. I'm not sure though, as I always have trouble guessing people's ages. How old is yours? I used to not like to say my therapists' names, because I was afraid if God forbid, they read this! But then one day, I just said it because I was feeling so much better and since then, I don't really care if they ever did read this. Because it's all true stuff and I have my right to talk about it. Oh well.

October 11, 2001
6:24 am
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Cloud:Yeh i guess it did come true-but with a different person.i am also in close contact with my form tutor too.she was there for me during the bad times at school and always helped me. i am not sure if it is typical for clients to dreams of thier therapists. do u? i wouldn't of thought so, but then again i NEVER thought anybody else would have a dependancy on a counsellor!
i agree with you with what u said-i think its what we long for so much-a hug.

my therapist is around 24/25.i wondered how old felice was because i thought maybe she may have been young and this is why u depended on her etc. i think that maybe the issue with me. i am only 17 and i think maybe she is on my wave-length (being quite young).how did u get over felice after u stopped seeing her?i don't know how i am going to handle after xmas-when i dont see her any more.

you r rite cloud. u do have your right to talk about it but i still feel paranoid!

have u got your group session today?let me know how it goes. i see my therapist tomorrow-the review (not to talk personally).

Tinkerbe11

October 11, 2001
9:02 am
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Hi Tinkerbe. Yes, I have my group today. I sort of like it now, although, I don't really talk in it because I'm always afraid of what the other people are going to think of me. We have to keep these thought records and I've been doing them, but not sharing them in group. Barbara wants me to share them, but I am like, "I'm not going to let 'those people' know what I'm always thinking about." She said, "Those people?" I just don't feel comfortable with them yet. Barbara said she would read my thought records to the group. So I might try that. I'm going to give them to her to read.

My former counselor, Christine, (an angel sent from heaven 🙂 was young, around 28-30. She was the best counselor I ever had and she didn't even have her degree yet. She was working towards her masters in social work. She's since graduated and I wish her all the best of luck. She is a wonderful person. I was dependent big-time on her too. For me, the age thing doesn't make a difference. But it IS important that we "click". By the way, I'm not over Felice yet. No way. I'm still attached, which might sound strange since I never even see her anymore. I'm still hanging on by a thread, somehow.

So tomorrow's a big day for you. What exactly will you two be discussing in this review? I hope it goes well for you.

Here's a hug from me to you...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

October 11, 2001
7:50 pm
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I did something stupid again today. Today I called Felice's office and this time she actually picked up the phone. She said "Hello, Felice (and her last name)". I said nothing, then she said, "Hello?". I hung on the line for a little while and then I hung up the phone gently. Honestly, I don't know what this did for me. Oh well.

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