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counseling dependency 2
September 22, 2001
5:49 pm
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cloud
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I've decided to start a second thread of the previous and lengthy "Counseling Dependency". I am actually amazed at what it grew into. So many people have responded to it, since I first posted in February. If you are new to this thread, please refer to the first "Counseling Dependency" thread to understand what this thread is about.

To Gypsygirl: I think what you stated in your last post could be true. I may be unconsciously repressing the main issues of why I am in therapy. And using my need for Felice as a sort of excuse. I don't know for sure. But I can say that your explanation makes sense. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember what were the reasons I went to therapy in the first place. I have been in therapy on and off since I was 15. I am now 21.

To Damaged: The first post I ever posted referred to my counselor named Christine, who was my therapist before Felice. Christine had to leave because she was graduating. Felice took over my case after Christine. Felice was Christine's supervisor. In the beginning of July, Felice got rid of me. I am now in therapy with a new therapist named Barbara. Felice is the one I am still overly attached to. I hope this straigtens everything out for those of you who are confused. I get confused myself.

September 22, 2001
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Cloud,
This is wild, you just added this new thread while I was responding to the other one. Maybe I have psychic powers (ok I'm overreacting). Don't forget to read my response on the other one. If for any reason it sounds harsh, I apologize. I am generally a gentle person but can be confrontive at times. Are you having attachment issues with Barbara? Hopefully you can work on things with her.
-SuzyQ

September 23, 2001
4:15 pm
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cloud
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Hi SuzyQ, I got your other message on the other thread. You must be psychic. I also said to myself while I was posting this new thread, that I wonder if anyone is replying to the old thread at this moment. Funny! 🙂

Your message was not harsh. It is actually very true. You're right. I do have some major issues when it comes to talking about things from my past with my brother. I get all choked up. It's a serious thing for me. I honestly can't say that my obsession with Felice is not about her. I mean, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's about what she represents like you said. But the way it seems to me, it's about her. I don't know. Maybe that's just how it seems right now. Because then again, she is not the first person it has happened with. It happened with a teacher in high school and that was probably even worse than this obsession with Felice. Well, I am not attached to my new therapist, Barbara. That's because I'm still so incredibly attached to Felice.

September 24, 2001
11:40 am
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damaged
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Cloud it is so good to hear you talk about what might be causing your attachments. I also have some issues with my brother. But I don't think it was so much my brother as the way my parentes treated him because he was a male. We wonder why the world is the way it is. Hell women use to and still get treated like sh*t. But the funny thing is men can't function with out us. Sorry if I got off the subject I guess I needed to vent.

September 24, 2001
2:31 pm
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cloud
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It's okay Damaged. It's not really about my brother with me either. It's about the whole story of my brother being sick and how I felt at that time.

September 25, 2001
12:41 pm
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cloud
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Well, today I had my counseling appt. It went okay. I did not cry today, which is a good thing. Although, I felt like I wanted to cry a few times. But then I get a huge headache, so it's better I didn't. We talked about the letter I received from the counseling center at my school in regards to my not contacting Felice anymore. I told my new therapist, Barbara, that I won't send any more letters, but that I can not be sure that I won't do something stupid. Because when I feel desperate, I do stupid things...like writing letters and posting notes for Felice to see. I don't want to get kicked out of school. I am an A student. No one would ever guess that I have so many problems. Everyone thinks I'm the perfect person. That's what I've lead everyone to believe. I've taken on so many things in my life (to try to fill up the empty hole in my body) such as school, work, volunteering, clubs. But sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore. Like I just want to break. I want a rest from life. I need it. And the more I feel like this, the more I want Felice. But I'm not going to get her. My therapist did say something today that sort of made me feel better. She said that MAYBE, maybe some day in the far future, when I'm better and have freed myself of my borderline traits, I MAY be able to write Felice a letter thanking her for the help she provided. But certainly not now. Well, that's how it goes. BPD sucks big time!

September 27, 2001
5:27 pm
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cloud
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Tinkerbe11: In response to your question...yes, when I first started therapy, I was very dependent (as I still tend to be) on the counselor because she listened to me and I felt she cared. I used to think about going all throughout the week too. If there's one thing I've learned in the past half year, it's that I am not the only one who has felt this way. So you're not either. We're not really alone.

September 28, 2001
6:31 am
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Tinkerbe11
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u say that u r that we are not alone-this is true but what do i do to get over it? i'm supposed to be seeing her for the last time on monday (as for the past few months i've only been seeing her every 2/3 weeks) and i've found it VERY hard. once i had to ring her to make an extra appointment. im really scared that im not goin to be able to cope not seeing her n e more. any suggestions?

September 28, 2001
9:53 am
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damaged
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Tinkerbe11

What a trip!! I go to see my counselor for the last time also on Monday. I know I am going to miss her. Just keep in mind God doesn't give us more than we can handle for the day. So I feel we have to live it one day at a time. Good things don't come easy and if they did we could'nt grow from them. It's ok to be scared but this is just experience that well help you became a better person.

Why do you have to stop seeing your counselor anyway???

I wish you the best.

September 28, 2001
10:57 am
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cloud
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Well, when I had my final session with Christine, it turned out better than I thought it would, because we had been working on the fact that she would be leaving. So I was more or less prepared. Have you been talking about this final session with your counselor?

September 28, 2001
1:01 pm
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yes i have been talking to her about it alot. she knows i'm worried but it seems she's not doing n e thing about it. even though we talk about it, it does not help. i dont see how im going to be able to do this on my own. i know really im not alone(with my family) but it SO feels like this.

September 28, 2001
1:06 pm
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cloud: i am not an independant person so do you think this is why dependancy is coming into this? i am actually doing a course to become a counsellor myself at the moment which is an extreme big step for me.

September 28, 2001
7:41 pm
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cloud
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Hey that's really cool that you are going to become a counselor. I want to do the same thing too (if I ever rid myself of BPD). I think it's great that people who have already been in counseling and know what it's like, want to help others with the same process. When you say you are not an independent person, what exactly do you mean by this? I think it is very easy to become dependent on a counselor, even if the client is an independent person. First of all, what is the reason you are not going to be seeing your counselor anymore? Is it because she's leaving, or because she feels you are better? You mean you have just been talking about it, but she has not helped you to feel better about it yet?

September 29, 2001
7:54 am
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Tinkerbe11
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thanx. im pleased with myself that i took the step to do it(doing the course). when i say im not an independant person i mean i dont like to do things on my own etc.im not seeing her any more because she obviuosly thinks im better, but she only sees me once a week(not even that sumtimes).she doesn't know how i am at home.i have told her how feel about not seeing her n e more and that i kind of feel dependant and thats what we've been working on for the last few sessions(trying to deal with it)if that makes sense. she has helped me SO much and im scared if i stop seeing her, i will go bk to the way i was

September 29, 2001
8:10 am
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Tinkerbe11
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u do not have to answer this if you do not want2 cloud but may i ask how old you r now?

September 29, 2001
2:03 pm
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Tinkerbe11: Has talking about your dependency on your counselor helped in the past few sessions? Is it definite that you have to stop this Monday??? Can you ask her if you would be able to go back to her if you feel you need to again? By the way, I'm 21 years old.

September 30, 2001
2:27 am
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Cloud,
What do you think of this? I would appreciate another perspective. I gave a 17 y.o. young lady some literature on BPD. I read her the info. 1st making sure she knows that we're labeling behaviors and not her as a person. She basically told me that she felt that the diagnostic criteria fit her well. She also seemed surprised that there was a name for this. I made certain that this was not necessarily a diagnosis, but an explanation of behavior. I also made sure she knew that in no way does this excuse behavior or "label" her as a person. But that this does "label" the behavior. This student is a really awesome person who can be a total adult in the community, but can also be very attention-seeking at school. I'm worried about giving her more info. in case it hinders progress. I'm just trying to be cautious.
Let me know your thoughts!
Thanks!
SuzyQ

September 30, 2001
10:18 am
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Tinkerbe11
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cloud:it hasnt really helped at all talking to her as i still know it is the last session tomorow. she did say though if i need to ring her, i can but i feel im wasting her time if i ring.how often do u see your counsellor?

September 30, 2001
3:56 pm
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cloud
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SuzyQ: I think giving your student info on BPD was a good thing. I wish someone had done that for me when I was in high school. (Although, I guess they didn't know that it's what I had.) When I first learned there was a name for my feelings and behaviors, I was surprised. I used to always try to find a way to describe it, with no luck. Now I have a label. Of course, it is hard to NOT see it as a label to myself. And I bet it's like that with all who have BPD. Like, when I found out, I sort of felt like it WAS an excuse to act how I wanted to act. And that is exactly what got me into trouble with Felice. I don't know about YOUR student, but when I learned of BPD, I went to my library and on the internet to find out all I could about it. So your student might already know a lot about it. I know with me, at first, it was overwhelming, but I'm glad I know so much about it. Good luck to you. Let me know how it goes....If I ever get better, I would love to work in a place like where you work, to help those with BPD in their teenage years. Is this kind of school all over the country or is it specific to your area?

Tinkerbe11: I think if you really need to talk to your therapist, you should ring her. She wouldn't have told you that you can do it if she didn't mean it. I currently see mine once a week on Tuesdays and then I go to a group on Thursdays which is run by my counselor. So I guess you could say, twice, but I don't get to talk "personal" on Thursdays. I really feel for you about your final session tomorrow. Gosh, I know what you must be going through. I've been there so many times. I am here for you tomorrow after your session. Please do write and let me know how it goes. I wish you luck! 🙂

October 1, 2001
9:51 pm
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Hello, I am 29 and I don't want to be this way anymore.

October 1, 2001
11:19 pm
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Tinkerbe11: How did it go? I couldn't get on this site earlier today and was thinking about you. I hope you're okay. Please let me know how you're doing.

Isa: What way?

October 2, 2001
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Hello Cloud. I couldn't get on it either so i couldn't tell u. I felt like absolute crap last nite (after the session) and all the way through it i just wanted to cry. She said i was to ring her today to tell her if i wanted a review and then at that review i could see if i wanted to see her again every month until xmas. its still very hard but i will probably do that. she said after xmas, my file will be closed. I felt so desperate last night and did not know what to do. i am so scared (i know it probably sounds supid). r u seeing your counsellor today? Do let me know how it goes. i have the counselling course tonight so hopefully that will cheer me up a bit. Thanx 4 being there for me. i REALLY appreiciate it

October 2, 2001
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Damaged:u said it was the last time u go to see your counsellor on monday (yesterday), how did it go? i saw mine for the last time too.

October 3, 2001
6:26 am
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Cloud: How are you? I have not heard from you in a while. I hope you still keep on posting your treads because you are really helping me and it is good to know someone else is going through it.

October 3, 2001
7:49 am
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damaged
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Tinkerbe11

You know it went really good. I thought I was going to go in and cry and all of that but I didn't. I did find the courage to tell her what she had meant to me and what I felt she had helped me with. You know there are really wonderful people out there. I never could see that before, because I was so damn busy seeing the bad in everyone. Now I am trying to see the good in everyone, and it helps me not only see the good in me but also to feel it!!!

So Tinkerbe11 how did it go for you?

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