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could use your thoughts...considering starting meds again
September 21, 2006
8:52 am
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risingfromtheashes
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hi guys.

i went off my meds back when ex left, as I felt more "balanced".

but lately, I am noticing that I have noooooooo motivation.

I am no longer eating well, I am no longer energetic, I am no longer motivated to keep up with the finances, I am no longer motivated to get packed and moved.

And I don't know if this "limbo" spot I am in has anything to do with it - waiting on everything to happen....and knowing I am broke is discouraging....just waiting for things to fall into place and losing sight of what I could be acheiving...not even motivated at work.

So, I wonder, do I need to stay on my meds?

or do I just need to get off my butt and force myself to start taking care of me?

since I am not eating right, my cravings have returned, so I am spending too much money on junk food, which is affecting my finaces....I am lazy about mailing out the bills....my house is a mess, so instead of fixing it, I am avoiding it by hanging out at mom's - which seems to be my comfort spot, my security blanket....but also a painful place as dad is really riding my ass lately - so I am hurting myself by being there....they are moving soon, so wonder if that's subconciously bothering me.

sooooooo, if I choose to go back on meds, then I have to find a way to afford them since I have no medical insurance....and then I fear what it will do to my libido and weight.

I guess I am gonna try to motivate myself and see how that goes for a week....then talk to the doctor if that fails.

September 21, 2006
9:59 am
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lovinglife
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Goodmorning Rising~

Don't know much about *going off meds* or how long it takes for *the stuff* to start kicking back in again (if it’s been 5 months would think that symptoms would have kicked back in by now)... I'd ask yourself what's happening around you ...what changes are you going are... some thoughts to throw out there: Thinking if you've been running on adrenaline for awhile (the new relationship, the prospect of a new job, an exciting move) first you know the new relationship is working out so perhaps you’re starting to relax in the mind some about that…. and then like you said this *"limbo" spot* of the job & the move could also very well be connected…what motivation at this point do you have to pack??? AND oh my gosh BIG ONE here---when finances are tight for me there is this little dark cloud that likes to follow me around but once I'm ok again in that department the little dark cloud lifts.

I too am going through a *out of sorts* period - with this lack of motivation thing going on as well. Been trying to figure it out-it’s not depression as I know what THAT lack of motivation & out of sorts feels like (all I what to do is sleep & I really moped) but what I'm thinking is because I'm getting better-being just a little more relaxed, not allowing or creating no major drama, it's like I don't know how to function-and I NEED DRAMA to help me focus-to move... this *I feel OK stuff* is totally new for me. I like it but gosh where will my motivation-my drive came from now as that’s what I’ve only known to get me going : )

I'm with you about giving this week to see what you can do to find within you to find the motivation…AND another thing I can relate to… If I’m not eating right ANOTHER dark cloud because then it means I’m bloated, I’m feeling dragged down (too many carbs for me and forget about me feeling good at all).

Have a great day ((((Rising)))!!!

Hey I just thought of something… You, me, Strong- our relationships ran totally on adrenaline- why wouldn’t that be another reason why it’s been so hard - we don’t have that icky rush they gave us. Could be as simple as bf just needs to create some drama for you : ) but doesn't look like that's going to happen- which is a good thing!!

September 21, 2006
10:03 am
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risingfromtheashes
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yeah, things are stable.

and when they are stable, I DO have trouble motivating myself.

I just think back to that feeling I got when my meds did start kicking in.

So, gonna see if doc has samples and see if I can get back on them.

And in the meantime, try to force myself to get motivated again.

I need to - my life depends on it...I can't stay in this funk forever.

September 21, 2006
10:06 am
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lovinglife
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and that is something to think about with the meds...how long to they take to kick back in...a few weeks??? Can you wait that long??? "I need to - my life depends on it..."

September 21, 2006
10:10 am
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risingfromtheashes
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oh, sorry....didn't mean it as drastic as it could be taken.

just mean that I can't have my life in chaos again.

I am NOT suicidal...not even close.

I think that's what you thought?

It will take up to three weeks, from my past experience....but know that I started feeling better soon, just didn't notice the dramatic affect until three weeks.

but no, not a life or death situation, just a "I can't spiral out of control" situation.

September 21, 2006
10:12 am
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lovinglife
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No no no I didn't think it silly!!

September 21, 2006
10:17 am
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lovinglife
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was suppose to be "think that"...

No what I was thinking is that I can relate to having things in disorder and 2-3 weeks of letting it sit would be too long of a time. As well as if it didn't lift (which for me once I start-it don't) two months would pass by. Thinking that if you were able to start meds NOW- that it would be a few weeks before they kicked in so if you gave it til the end of this week or the next to start meds...could you wait that long?! Sorry Rising- I know that your OK- just in a *funk* as you say : )

September 21, 2006
10:22 am
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risingfromtheashes
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well, honestly, I don't have a choice.

no meds kick in immediately.

so, the only thing I can do is start the meds, and in the meantime, kick myself in the "arse" to get motivated, and know that even if I don't, in a few weeks, things will look brighter.

I know the meds work....as does being on the right eating plan.

Also, in a few weeks, I may very well NEED to move, so that "drama/chaos/deadline" factor will kick in and I will be forced to get off my butt.

I just think that eating wrong and my dad riding my butt is eating at me, as is the being in "limbo" and finances.

alot at once, and I am just "shutting down" instead of fighting the fight.

and I know I can shut down....and part of that goes to the whole drama and chaos factor - cuz if I shut down long enough, eventually the chaos will happen, and then I can spring into action.

I just gotta kill that need to have chaos happen before I act.

September 21, 2006
10:34 am
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lovinglife
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gosh I am totally the same way..."cuz if I shut down long enough, eventually the chaos will happen, and then I can spring into action."

And just like you..."gotta kill that need to have chaos happen before I act." I've needed chaos to function-and I've gotten real good at creating it as it's what I've been conditioned to. And now today I want out of that feeling and sitting here thinking...."Ok, now what?!"

Rising I'm findng this getting healthy stuff is not as simple as it seems!! I dream of the day life is calm, there is no chaos to thrive on or to create and that my motivatin just comes from within and not from external events. And back to that wanting to feel content, feel peace all the time...for some of us it just might be a mind battle getting there : )

September 21, 2006
10:36 am
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risingfromtheashes
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well, that's why I wonder if I really should be on the meds.

cuz I found that when I was on them before, I had energy and motivation.

at least from what I remember...see, I have found myself "blocking" those days cuz of the ex.

but I remember the day I realized that the meds were making me HAPPY - that I was positive, upbeat and motivated.

what a day that was.

and I wonder if I should have stayed on the meds.

so, gonna try again, and work on the environmental stuff too.

yeah, I don't want the chaos, but part of me is BORED right now and when I am bored, I find I lack motivation.

September 21, 2006
10:39 am
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Isis
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Hi Rising,

A thought comes to mind. I remember reading in some of your posts a while back that maybe there was a question of ADD/ADHD.

I went off my meds (wellbutrin) last May and felt great, stable, etc, etc. However, I too was so not motivated. I couldn't get of my own way.

Long story short- I was diagnosed with ADHD. I started taking Adderall XR in August, and have never felt better.

Best of luck.

Isis

September 21, 2006
10:42 am
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risingfromtheashes
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ISIS,

yeah, I have ADD inattentive type - not hyperactive at all.

I was on effexor and straterra, but with little to no effect.

the zoloft was for IBS, and when I started it, I felt "happy" before - hard to explain, but I guess I always felt like "eeyore" from winnie the pooh - always gloomy gus....so to wake up with a smile on my face, that wasn't caused by something or someone was new for me.

I dont want to go back to the doctors and try all kinds of meds again.....maybe just stick with what works until I can get medical insurance again.

September 21, 2006
11:54 am
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Rasputin
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Rising -

I am not a doctor or expert of nurtrion. But...start taking simple, pure baby steps to take care of yourself and every thing will start to fall into its place...gradually in all aspects of your life: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Stormie Omartian had published some good books about emotional & physical health. If you purchase them from amazon, used ones, they won't cost you that much.

* Finding peace for your heart.

* Greater heath God's way.

I used the 1st book for my emotional healing - Excellent one. I did not read the 2nd one about health but I'm planning to purchase it sometime.

I have suffered a lot from depression, PTSD, panic attacks, still do around my PMS & during stressful periods & trials, and tho I did not use any chemical antidepressants, only herbal stuff like St. John's wort. It is quite NORMAL to lose motivation & enthusiasm. Most depressed people lose zeal and don't take care of themselves.

Vitamin B6 is thought to be good for depression. You may purchase it from the drugstore. In food, it is availabe in potatoes, avocadoes. Also, purchase whole wheat bread and make sure it contains enough fibre. By changing my bread, I became slimmer, more healthy and became regular.

When you follow these simple baby steps, you will start to feel good about yourself & motivation and enthusiasm will come back to you...gradually and eventually.

Surround yourself with warm, kind, healthy friends and people; develop your spiritual life, that helped me a lot.

Set boundaries and stick to them with unhealthy, stressful people and situations. This is an area where I'm still struggling with due to my sentimental personality.

This website can be a great therapeutic asset and support group to you!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

September 21, 2006
2:46 pm
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Rasputin
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Bumping this to to you (((Rising))).

September 21, 2006
2:55 pm
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ggfred4
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Rising, I too am considering going back to meds. I tried effexor and cymbalta with little change and became tired easily. I guess I just gave up. I am trying to start making changes and came across your thread.

What meds gave you energy? I also am the inattentive ADHD, definitely not the hyperactive. I just want to do my homework before I go to doctor.

September 21, 2006
3:11 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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zoloft was the one that worked.

I found that lexapro made me narcoleptic, I fell asleep leaning against the wall next to the stove while making dinner once.

prozac - made me "flat" - nothing made me happy or sad - no libido

effexor - no results

strattera - some results, but not worth staying on for

depekote - no results

daughter took wellbutrin that seemed to help, but doesn't seem to need it much anymore.

I find that when a med makes everyone else hyper, it makes me sleepy and when it makes everyone sleepy, it makes me HYPER....this, I found out, is a side effect of having ADD - your body chemistry metabolizes meds OPPOSITE of what most people react.

They offered paxil, but has bad side effects on baby if I got pregnant.

glad you told me about cymbalta, as I thought about asking for that one...wellbutrin is the only one left I would consider now....but zoloft at 50 mg during the day and 50 at night seemed to do the trick - fair warning, it gave me HORRIBLE insomnia and have to counter that with 3 mg of lunesta at bed time....I NEVER had sleep issues before that.

September 21, 2006
3:24 pm
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ggfred4
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Rising, Thanks so much. It was so weird about the opposite effects of meds. That has happened to me many times in my life. My mom said I was given cough/codeine to help me sleep during bronchitis and I went bonkers hyper! Even when I had children, I had trouble with the epidurals twice. It was like it didn't work, then went into overdrive. I almost had to have a tracheotomy. I am a teacher and just got diagnosed by fellow teachers that I had to be ADD. I went to a seminar on it and there are actually 6 types of ADHD; I am the overfocused ADD.

Cymbalta worked well for the first two months on my depression/anxiety, but I was so tired and put on weight quickly. I weaned myself off of them in July.

Thanks for all the helpful information.

GG

September 21, 2006
3:51 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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tell me about overfocused type?

funny, daughter and I can NOT take codeine - even in small doses we go apeshit....funny you had same reaction.

glad to know I am not the only weird one

September 21, 2006
4:32 pm
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ggfred4
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This is the brief version of ADHD:
*Usually people with ADD don't recognize that they have a problem. They simply cannot do the "boring".

They tend to hear, smell, see, feel, and taste more than others.

They need their clothes, foor, room, etc. "just right" in order to feel comfortable and focus.

They usually have time issues. (frequently late, procrastinate, disorganized rooms, internal conversations)

They will argue to stimulate their brains.

They must always have something going on.

SIX TYPES OF ADHD: Classic ADHD, Inattentive ADD, Overfocused ADD, Limbic System Function, Temporal Lobe function, and Ring of Fire. (possible to be a combination)

They NEED increased structure, limits, and consequences.

HERE IS ME: OVERFOCUSED ADD
-unable to shift attention
-holds grudges
-stuck on thoughts/behaviors
-addictive behaviors
-pays too much attention/worries
-appears selfish but really inflexible
-upset if things don't go their way
-need intense aerobic exercise
-people dealing with them must learn how to talk to them.
-sometimes argumentative

If I am watching t.v. or on computer, and someone walks up to talk, I cannot shift from t.v. to person or can't ignore the t.v. It is like I hear both at the same time.

September 21, 2006
4:38 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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yeah - didn't realize this existed, and it fits me...tho I am not grumpy, I do get overfocused on what I am doing, my daughter is same...watching tv you can drop a bomb next to her and she won't flinch.

part of problem is I don't know where ADD ends and codependent/manipulative starts....that sort of thing.

have made great strides, but have far to go still.

September 21, 2006
6:22 pm
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ggfred4
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I am not some of the symptoms, especially not argumentative; it's where the majority lie.

I don't know where things begin and end either.

GG

September 24, 2006
9:18 pm
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codycat
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Have you ever looked into bipolar disorder type II? Where you have hypomanic episodes and then there are some periods of depression?

I've read that ADD or ADHD can misdiagnosed and it could be bipolar disorder type II. I know nowadays one disorder sides like another one.

I also have read there are studies where anti-depressents could set off some hypomania modes in people. Make them extremely hyper.

Last year I took Zoloft at 50 mg 2 times a day I believe. It was too much at first and I literally was doing cartwheels in my backyard. I was so hyper! I never felt so happy! But I knew it was beyond the "normal" happy. Then after the Zoloft kicked in about 2 months afterwards it made me really, really tired. I couldn't handle being tired. I was falling asleep at work. I slept great at night and had happy dreams. When I would forget my Zoloft I had nightmares. Very violent nightmares! It was scary! Anyways after 3-4 mos. of taking Zoloft I slowly took myself off of them and took up exercising and I felt better. I was also distracted by taking interest in my niece's well being.

The spring came around this year. I had alot of stresses and I hit depression pretty hard. I got to the point I didn't feel like cleaning my home, I slept alot, I was having troubles at work. I hate my job, I was angry all the time, etc. The stress was getting too much for me. So I went to the doc in June and told him about my ordeal. He decided to put me on Lexapro since I said Zoloft wasn't working. Lexapro didn't do anything. He upped it to another dosage and it just made me tired. I hate being tired! Especially if it gets in my way at work. I need to use my brain way too much!

So I ran out of Lexapro and for some crazy reason I hit hyper mode. I don't know if it was the stress of getting my cousin's photography wedding photos done that put me into that mode or if it was other stresses or if it was the fact I took myself off Lexapro. I was off of Lexapro for about 2 weeks.

I went back to the doc and told him about it. He thought perhaps I could be bipolar disorder II. Because my mind will race and not shut done when I get all worked up about something. I constantly worry, etc. I also told him that Lexapro made my dreams at night into nightmares. I was very violent in my dreams and I never had that with an anti-depressant.

He gave me samples of Effexor XR. I haven't been really tired from them. But I've been under alot of stress lately so I can't really get to sleep right. I know Effexor does help me sleep. Sometimes I don't remember what I dreamed about because I slept so sound. My mind is refreshed for work and I'm not lagging the day at work.

I haven't felt extremely happy like I wish I could but I know that is something emotionally/internally I need to work on for myself. But I know as long as the drug helps me with motivation. Trust me before the anti-depressants I really struggled to get motivated and I was always a person that was busy, busy.

But I thought I would put in my 2 cents and make a suggestion to read about bipolar disorder II and see if any of those symptoms etc. might fit?

I really like this website. It really has helped me see that I'm not the only one that feels certain ways.

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