Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Could use some advice from Molly, Randy, et.al
October 16, 2001
5:43 pm
Avatar
mari
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have been reading all the "help me please" threads and it's been quite enlightening for me. I'm the one who's addicted to my coke addict lover for 9 years. Anyway, I cut off all contact with him. That was going fine until I found out that for a couple of weeks now, he's started a fling with this girl who was supposedly my friend, always listened to my problems about the guy, shoulder to cry on, blah, blah, blah. She also happens to be the ex-wife of one of his best friends, which I think shows he has no moral character whatsoever. Their divorce isn't even a year old yet. Anyway, I'm consumed with, I guess, hatred for them both. Mostly for my ex. He tried calling me for a couple of days when he found out I knew, but I would not accept his calls. That felt good for a while. He's stopped calling now though and I can't get any peace over this. I was originally wishing he'd die, maybe OD or something. But then, I realized that wasn't a very good thing to do. No matter how pissed you are, wishing someone would die is really wacked. Now I guess I just wish I could see him suffer in some way. I know "what goes around comes around" but I'm very impatient. I want to see results. I want to see him fall flat on his a$$. How long will it be before I get some peace? (By the way, the whole wishing he would die thing was purely sarcastic. I don't want anyone thinking I've gone off the deep end).

October 16, 2001
7:21 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mari, I think your right on track. I once upon a time wished a certain person would die, then I thought that was way to easy. Spent some time thinking how to streach out the torture, you know being creative. When you get so creative that you start laughing, that is when the healing begins, so it passes time. The thing is a break up like this is like death, and you go through a grief process. We some how some way ignored the signs, and let them do it, guess we didn't think the scorpian would bite this time. I spent time rationalizing, mourning, working through the torture scenarios, and then let it go. I got to a place where I knew karma would take over, and left it to the universe, besides, these people are in their own hell, and despite the pain we would personally like to imagine that we could inflict upon them, its nothing compared to the pain they live with on a day to day basis, they just let us cruise with them for a while. Karma works, and if he is still using, hey might be faster. Let go, work through it, peace is around the corner. So, your feeling rejected by scum, put it into a perspective that serves you, like the beginning of the sentence. You gave him a 9 year chance. Pretty generous. so, go out side and play.
No more crying, no more pity party, no more shoulda woulda coulda. Your freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

October 17, 2001
3:52 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Probably at least a year. Seriously. And unless you find a hobby to temporarily consume your time and energy, maybe even longer.

I had to same situation, less time with the boyfriend, more time with the friend. My boyfriend ended up cheating on me with my best friend of 11 years, who I had known since I was 9.

I, too, was filled with blistering rage that I angrily carried with me for a looooooooong time. Met my husband, had a much more fulfilling relationship with a man who is actually attempts to be invested in us, the whole time still carrying this burning, ulcer-inducing hatred.

BETRAYAL! Such an awful thing to experience. You've got a lot of options. You could let this teach you to be wary of any female friend in any future relationship you may have. You could become insanely fixated on this ex-friend. You could just write them out of your lives and follow that old adage, "The best revenge is a life well-lived".

Well, about 2 years later I had been meditating, doing yoga refularly, feeling a lot more balanced, and I realized that while I had been busy getting on with my life I had healed. And I called my friend and we associate again. I even made peace with the nasty old ex-boyfriend.

So, maybe don't follow my advice but know that if you look for it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel over there. Just keep your eyes on the prize and get an intense hobby. It works for rehab, too (I became a drug addict during my relationship with nasty old ex-boyfriend, so it was sort of a double-whammy of having withdrawal from my addictive relationship and my addicitons in general).

October 18, 2001
10:24 am
Avatar
mari
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks you guys. I have my moments, but I'm starting to feel a little better every day. It helps so much to hear that I'm not alone and that others have gone through this and have made it through. I really am starting that little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714207
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer