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controlled drinking
May 15, 2000
1:05 pm
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sbb
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what are opionions on controlled drinking/in moderation, the pros and the cons of it.

May 16, 2000
9:30 am
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Cici
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I'd say that depends on the person. There is no such thing as drinking in moderation for the recovering alcoholic. If you had a drinking problem inthe past, you will have it again if you introduce alcohl into your system.

This may sound harsh, but it's true. This has to do with the way alcohol interacts with certain areas of your brain. Certain people have a problem with the impulse-control center of the brain, which affects addictive behaviors. Those people have problems with addiction.

Drinking in moderation is something that no Americans have been able to master. We either drink to extremes or not at all. Extremes are more than 4/5 drinks in one sitting, according to MADD. And all the alcohol awareness info at my school.

So...drinking is fine. If you don't drink to get drunk. You have to remember that the reason you get drunk is because alcohol is a poison. It depresses your central nervous system and can cause emotional effects. So, drink, but drink responsibly.

May 16, 2000
10:01 am
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hazza
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ditto what cici said.
Adictive personalities may have problems with moderation of alcohol whereas others may not.

I can easily just have one beer if I fancy one and then not have one for months.
Others i know could not stop drinking til they passed out if they started having one beer.
depends on the person entirley.
Hazza

May 18, 2000
12:24 pm
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Brenda
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Well, my husband was developing a severe drinking problem and now he drinks maybe a beer every couple of days, if that. He is happier, healthier and our marriage has improved tremendously. I am unsure as to whether he can keep this up, I refuse to allow him to bring alcohol into our home, therefore he just has a beer with a meal when we go out now and then. I am very proud of him and this has been working for a couple of months now....knock on wood.

May 19, 2000
8:37 am
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Spirit
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Brenda: So good to hear that things are improving. You seem to have a very realistic attitude towards the changing course of your relationship with your husband. Keep up the KNOWing.

sbb: My father was a drinker. Many a night would pass in our house in mortal fear. Nothing like being a small child and being held at gun point for dinner. Many nights my brothers and I would lie awake, worried if dad would actually pull the trigger and mom would be found dead the next morning. When he wasn't drinking, he was a caring person. Full of love and warmth. But, when he drank, which became more and more usual, he was a monster, capable of anything. Maybe its because of the early childhood memories, or maybe I just developed a sensitivity to it, but I can see right away the changes alcohol brings upon a person.

At 21, I did the club scene. At least once a week I was out there with my clubbing friends getting sloshed, thinking it was a good time. At 22 I stopped going out drinking because the unknown became to important to me. What did I do? What did I say? How did I make it home? I guess you could say I grew up.

My father left the family when I was 7. Never saw him again. When I was 18 he tired to commit suicide, but failed. He was kept alive, in a vegitative state for 8 months until he succumbed to pneumonia. My brothers, all of them, have suffered from either alcohol related issues, or from drug related ones. It has been my choice to abstain from all of it. Sometimes peer pressure would win out and I would have a drink. Not even finish it, and be very sick the next day. If there is a choice, I say leave it alone. Doesn't solve anything. Its a dpressent. It changes the person beyond themself. Does no worldy good for anyone, except the team of people selling it. My peace has come from understanding who I am, where I come from, and where I want to go. I hope you and yours can do the same.

May 19, 2000
10:34 am
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hazza
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Spirit,
I think you have walked a long journey into the bright light that now surrounds you! Peace to you friend, you inspire me.

Once you have witnessed the fear of alcohol, i don't think it ever leaves you.
With past boyfriends, i used to like the smell of beer on a friday night on their breath! Now, after my current boyfriends problems with it, I find that if I smell alcohol on anyone i feel very uncomfortable.

In one of your posts spirit, you say "to thine own self be true" this was one of my grandfathers top sayings!!! it feels good to hear it be spoken again! as I age, I come to deeper and deeper levels of understanding of those few words, long may it continue! Spirit, you would have made an excellent pythagorean!
Peace to you, there are so many people out there now, who are going through similar things to what you went through. Some people I know read this site but don't post too. If you ever wish to share your stories, I really feel they could help others. sometimes we can just not see light at the end of the tunnel, if someone else can say to us, "it is there, look how the light is shining on me now, come forward to it" then we can be encouraged once more to try to find that light and find our own peace, knowing that if others have done so, then we can too.

peace
Hazza

May 21, 2000
8:03 pm
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Brenda
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thanks spirit, my partner has admitted he is an alcoholic, although he is not as bad as most, he has stopped before it got into the late stages.
I am proud of both of us, we have both come soooooo far in our healing and happiness. We both said to each other today, that we both appreciated how much we had and how wealthy we are ( abundance other than money )
Life is so generous, beauty is everywhere and love is always available if you are open.
I feel so released from my previous burdens, im like a helium baloon who has to remain tethered to stop from floating up to the heavens..hehe

June 2, 2000
5:13 pm
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NatureL
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One thing to look for is if the drinking becomes a problem in any area of your life, such as work, relationships, friends. There are several personality traits that most alcoholics possess, the most common being denial...."I don't have a problem with alcohol, I just drink to relax, have fun...." or they are blamers...everything that goes awry in their lives is someone else's fault; or they can't just have one or two drinks...it goes on and on, and they think they are so much fun when they're drunk. Sneaking drinks, drinking alone, drinking daily...these are not necessarily signs of alcoholism but they are certainly not good signs, either. I think one has to decide for themselves what "controlled drinking" really is for them. For me, it is one or two glasses of wine with dinner, I suppose. But I don't feel a need to "control" my drinking. Do you mean you have committed to having only a certain number of drinks when you go out or whatever? Do you have to have alcohol for every occasion you attend? While alcohol in moderation might be fine for some, for an alcoholic, there is no such thing. Trust me, I know...I live with an alcoholic who is a very successful businessman. "Alcoholic" does not mean the usual image most people conjure up when they hear that word...a poor old sot, dirty clothes, drunk all the time, unable to walk straight, etc. No...wrong in most cases. Since you're asking about controlled drinking, it seems you are an aware person who cares about themself. If you're unable to just have a drink and leave it at that and have to get looped, then you have a problem...to my way of thinking. Everything in moderation. Take care. Oh, by the way, I just read an article that said (and I say this for the general readership)not only can alcohol cause cirrhosis of the liver but cancer of the larynx, esophogus, mouth. While the "numbers" for cirrhosis are higher then those for oral cancers, it is still something to consider if one is imbibing excessively.

June 2, 2000
8:13 pm
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heartfelt
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I once heard that if one has to drink to be social, it is'nt social drinking......I'm a recovering alcoholic of a short 12 years. I've never been a joiner so AA and I had struggles, but the bottom line is I saw and learned things about myself that helped me to stay sober. My drinking was self abusive in the sense, to block thoughts out until the booze did'nt work any longer. I sought help, found it, took it, worked at uncovering my patterns, and today I'm alive to share. Controlled drinking scares the s==t out of me, there is no such thing for us alcoholics.....recovering or not. Again and again for me the thoughts of motives, desire, intention . I got up daily, worked, functioned until the time came to drink......the end came when I began lock and load a 12 guage pump and along with the bottle became my sidekick..ENOUGH

June 2, 2000
10:54 pm
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Brenda
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wow heartfelt, thanks for sharing that, you are an invaluable resource for those of us who need to learn from people like you about alcoholism. My husband still denies he is an alcoholic, he hardly drinks at all now, been a couples of months, he was binge drinking and drinking every day, he drinks only with meals a couple times a week, usually only with me, but he went out with a client yesterday for dinner and came home drunk. I t scard me as I saw the pattern possibly returning, he feels he can drink socially, which he was doing, but why drink till your drunk during a business meal and drive home to boot? I see this as a lack of control, therefore I believe he is an alcoholic. I fear it getting worse, but I am no longer hooked into him as if he were me, I have seperated him from me and it is his responsibility to get help for his problem. If it does escalate and he doesnt get help, well then, im getting a legal seperation with a stipulation that he get alcoholic treatment.
anyways, gotta go, i am happy you have found your way ot healing heartfelt, may you always be strong.

June 2, 2000
10:58 pm
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KTHOMAS
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Alcohol destroyed my marriage. My husband could easily drink a twelve pack of beer a day not to mention what he drank at the local bar. He is now in prison...serving a four year sentence for thinking he could make a quick buck selling drugs. He says now that he's been sober for the last ten months that he has changed and wants me to take him back upon his release. I am so scared to do this. He is only sober because he can't get to his beer in jail...once he is out...then the true test begins. And I am afraid to take the chance to trust him again. The four years we were married were pure hell...and yet if not for the alcohol...it would have been pure heaven. I have plenty of time to decide the future...today I say drinking brings different things to different people...there are no black or white answers...only a massive gray area.

To those who have overcome...and are still overcoming...kudos...life is so short to live it in a bottle.

June 3, 2000
5:03 am
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lost soul
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Hi Karin
Its been a long long time since I last hear from you. How's thing getting on with you? i have been thinking of you whenever I visit this site.

Hope everything is going on well with you.

best regards always
Hope

June 3, 2000
9:39 am
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hazza
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Hey Karin,
good to see ya again!
You have been in my thoughts also.

Brenda, I am sorry things have got bad again. You sound like youa re coping good though - things wont be the same as before - cos you are not the same as before.
Me neither!
Peace guys
haz

June 4, 2000
5:12 am
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heartfelt
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From what I've observed and through my own alcoholism, I see that co-dendency issues are right behind the alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeaters, abusers, those that remain victims, and on and on. For women alanon is a wonderful way to learn how to take care of yourself along with work in co-dependency arenas. I know some who have a black belt..ha......Ironically KTHOMAS, my recovering from alcoholism was a big part in ending a 17 year marriage..go figure/ are you sure that if not for the alcohol, the relationship would be pure heaven?

June 4, 2000
5:49 am
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yea exactly heartfelt, I do not believe by any stretch of the match that an inanimate object called "alcohol" causes all the problems within the person or the marriage, alcohol only enhances what was already there to begin with.
Welcome back K thomas. It is sad to hear that you are still stuck in that rut. Once you let go of your dream of having a "recovered" mate and change the focus to yourself, you will begin to find the path towards true healing and happiness. Work on yourself, please.

June 4, 2000
8:20 am
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Spirit
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Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. Kthomas, how has your life been since he was put away? Are you healthier, happier, better able to make decisions? Look at where you are today verses where you were prior. There must be a difference, a change of routine, anything positive? I am not familiar with your past threads, what I do see here is a fellow spirit with a delimma. How well do you really know this man you were married to for 4 years? Is he the kind that would call on you to give him the safety net just so he has a place to land? You know. You are worth a hell of a lot more than that. What's the harm in continuing on with your life, then, when he is released, he goes one place, you stay where you are comfortable, if still married, seek some counceling as a couple. For now, get your feet squarly underneath you and live life in the KNOW. Peace is that wonderful feeling you get when you are living life in the KNOW.

June 4, 2000
10:52 am
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KTHOMAS
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What you ask Heartfelt...."are you sure if not for alcohol/the relationship would be pure heaven?" Hit me...no I am not sure. There was never a time in our marriage that alcohol wasn't there. And I have considerded Alanon several times...but figured since he was gone, why go...but now I see it is very important that I check this place out. Maybe I can learn to finally let go then....thank you.

Ahh Brenda.....you're words cut me like a knife....in this thread as well as the prayer one. Perhaps I am just being over sensitive to the truth...or I am still in a defensive place...I don't know. I knew my husband eight years before we even started dating. He was my best friend. He was sober those years...his reasons for drinking aren't important anymore to me...only that he began drinking again. I have never ever been able to put "the focus on me". I became a mother at the age of 16 and still have a nine year old at home to care for....I am 41 now. Funny, but I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Spirit.....Thank you. Thank you for your kind words here and in the prayer thread. I don't know what has brought me back to this site...be it God or just the plain desire to be free from this hell I have put my self into once and for all. I wish I could say a lot of positive things have happened these ten months I have been on my own...but alas...other than a promotion at work....I have still been tied up with my husbands trial...he was only transferred to a state prison a week and a half ago. Maybe now...is my time. I do not know. What you said about the safety net....I have run through my mind a million times. You know...in my heart, I know I am better off without him...perhaps it is the fear of being alone...or starting over with someone else that keeps me from cutting ties.

I know all the right answers...I know all the right steps to take...it's just taking that first step...it seems so hard...and I just don't know why. I have gone through so much in my time here on earth...from the age of four I have had to cope with fate. But nothing has brought me to my knees as this has in my life. And I am finding it very hard to get up this time. Very hard indeed.

June 4, 2000
10:56 am
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KTHOMAS
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Hazza and Hope....

It is so wonderful to see your familiar faces.....and you have been in my thoughts as well...

Karin

June 4, 2000
8:00 pm
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Brenda
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Karin, I feel your energy, I feel for you, ive been there.
Please friend, buy the book "take time for your life" by cheryl robinson and also a very precious book of mine by Deepak Chopra "how to know god" please do this for YOU, its your first step. Let me knoow what you think, ok. Im here for you soul sis.

June 5, 2000
9:47 am
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Cici
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I heard the mention of personality traits in regard to alcoholics. This isn't so. Denial is a defense mechanism.

A lot of times, when discussing substance abuse, we refer to the person's personality, their tendencies, and we treat the addiction through things like the Jung-inspired Alcohlics Anonymous, which espouses the belief that embracing a higher power will help aid you in your quest to stop being dependent on alcohol/drugs.

What a lot of people fail to address are the deep issues that cause drinking. Addiciton isn't the real problem in and of itself. Addiction is a symptom of a problem.

I recently saw a thing on 20/20 about a 12 step program for homosexuals. Run by a religious organization. See, you can make anyone stop being dependent on a behavior. It's so much more difficult to address the underlying issues.

June 7, 2000
12:48 pm
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Brenda
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The underlying issue is POWERLESSNESS, they feel a loss of power ( which they are literally losing from their energy system ) and alcohol gives them a source of strength and takes away the feelings of fear and pain. This is the underlying issue in all addiction.
Surrendering ones will to a higher power is important because it is a way of admitting powerlessness and it is a way of bringing the most powerful force into ones life for healing....and believe me it is a VERY REAL force.
It is unconditional love, surrender and self forgiveness that paves the way back to ones self and ultimately towards human growth and recovery. blessings

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