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controlled by fat
October 20, 2000
3:17 pm
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crabo
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I am suffering from obesity and it's out of control. I just can't find the answer and it is controlling my life.

I am really very lucky. I'm in a good marriage with a loving wife, two great kids and a great group of family and friends. I am disgusted with myself because despite all of my blessings I am not getting the most out of my life and am not as good a husband and father as I could be.

I have low self esteem and high blood pressure. I have so many reasons to motivate my self but in the end I can only seem to make healthy decisions for a couple of days at at time. My family's lifestyle is extremely hectic but I suppose no more hectic than others who are married with young children.

Although the rewards in my job are decent it is clearly a dead-end. I need to look for another one but I dread going on interviews because of being pre-judged as lazy and unmotivated instead of being evaluated by my knowledge, skills and experience.

I lack patience because I feel so badly about myself. As a result, I yell at my kids too much because I am too damn lazy to get out of my chair and speak with them as a father should.

Please help. I want to be around long enough to participate in the lives of my children when they are adults.

October 21, 2000
3:27 pm
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janes
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Your last statement says it all. but you cannot lose weight for family, friends or anyone else. It has to be for you. What are you insulating your self from? Even fat you have the acceptance of loving people who accept you for you. forget the others.

I was never obese but carried alot of weight after childbirth. I was still loved but sisn't love myself.

Only you can do the work and find the method that works for you.

I would suggest:

(These worked for me)

1) cut out ALL dairy. it is amazing what you can lose with out the fats associated with dairy products. Yes I mean cheese.

2) Excercise....Walk for 20 minutes a day. Noexcuses. Just do it. I love my total gym. 800 knee bends a day!!!

3) Find a good doctor and a good counselor.
-Are there psychological reasons you are keeping your wieght?
--Are there medical reasons you are keeping your weight?

I was totally amazed at how much better I felt after just losing 20 pounds.

You can do it but only you can do it.

If it is not medical then you need to sort out WHY you feel so much safer behind the weight.

good luck. Keep us posted.

October 24, 2000
6:46 pm
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Molly
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Have you addressed depression with your doctor, usually there is something behind our lack of motivation, and having an obese husband with obese children, depression and denial of depression were key factors. My husband started to change his life by making his morning walk like brushing his teeth. It started short, and grew daily as did his endurance, he is still fighting the htn, and diabetes that were caused by his weight, and is having a hard time getting his son to address the weight issues that may cost him his life, like all else our kids do his son out did him on the weight. Be an example to your children, get them to go for a walk with you. See the Md., and maybe counseling might be in order, God bless and good luck.

October 24, 2000
8:11 pm
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rskop
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My ideas for your actual weight problem (not the psychological factors behind it) are:
cut out a lot of useless white sugar-(choose only one soft drink you enjoy and drink it twice a week only) I found varieties of fruit blended up in the morning to tide me over for 5 hours (apple with grapes; apple with pears; grapes with peaches and pears; you choose-I use a tad of vanilla flavored soy milk and 2 ice cubes) It takes time to enjoy that instead of sugar cereal or grain bars.
Also, leave the junk at the store; buy only one special junk item for the week and eat only a little every other day. I hope that helps some!

October 27, 2000
10:54 pm
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crabo
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To Janes, Molly and RSKOP. Thank you so much for your positive and supportive comments. Surprisingly, I get a fair amount of exercise. 30-40 minutes of walking at a brisk pace at least 4 times per week. My eating habits definitely need work and I'm sure that all of your ideas will work. My biggest problems seems to be that I overdo it on carbs and sweets. For the most part, I keep the fats to a minimum but I can eat 1/2 loaf of french bread, or 3 bagels or two cups of rice with no problem. What is very frustrating is that I have been successful in the past. I lost 125 lbs. once by just changing my eating habits. But now I've regained 95 lbs. My motivation for losing the weight before was female companionship. It seems now that I've been married I've lost that motivation. I also just lost my brother to complications from diabetes. So there is another thing that should get my attention. I just don't understand myself sometimes. I also am unsure as to the best method of searching for a counselor. Any ideas?

October 28, 2000
12:01 pm
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janes
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Local phone book.....good place to start. Or your Doctor may know some one that knows not only obesity but also diabetes etc. Local hospitals may have groups. etc.

good luck.

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