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Contacting old flames...
May 16, 2006
1:57 pm
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2bstrong
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Has anyone ever contacted or been contacted by an old flame or ex? Has an ex that has given you the heave-ho ever contacted you?

I had this happen recently with a guy that I dated about eight years ago. We got together for dinner a couple of weeks ago, but I saw a lot of red flags. He wants me to come and visit him in South Carolina, but I doubt that I'll go. It was fun catching up, but I don't see a future relationship, even though everything about him looks good on PAPER.

May 16, 2006
2:02 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Paper doesnt show personal experiences and it also doesnt cover gut feelings. I personaly havent been contacted by an old flame cause well I dont really have one I have dated 3 guys total and one of them is my husband and one of the others turned out to be gay.

May 16, 2006
2:08 pm
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Matteo
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Randomwomen2,

Well, I guess surely that one will be not contacting you to catch up!

May 16, 2006
2:09 pm
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2bstrong
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Hi Random! You are right on...that's the whole point of PAPER. It's just paper, you can crumble it up and throw it in the trash, and it's useless. I would say that you have a pretty good history so far with staying away from the old flames...I wouldn' be surprised if bachelor number three would call you out of the blue, someday.

May 16, 2006
2:14 pm
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Randomwomen2
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that was a long time ago so long ago that he dumped me because his friend told him too. Ofcourse then begged to have me back. I ofcourse said no.

May 16, 2006
2:29 pm
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Anonymous
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2b-go with your instincts.

May 17, 2006
10:35 am
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toward_freedom
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2b,

I seem to be saying this a lot lately, but my son has a book about trains. It gives this piece of wisdom: "Always stop when you see a red flag waving."

The first day of no contact with my ex, I ended up speaking to about five other old flames. Partly it just happened that way, and partly I was looking for reassurance. Fortunately I didn't get re-involved with any of them. But I definitely know that I was reaching out for people who would feed my pathological need to be adored.

Only you can assess whether your connection with an old flame is a healthy one or not . . . but I would humbly suggest that because YOU have grown so much you will attract people who are much healthier, and different, than the folks you used to hang out with.

Courage, my friend!

Love, t_f

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