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constant despair
May 25, 2005
3:18 pm
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SillyScotty
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I am a nice guy, probably misunderstood though. I am always losing respect from my friends and those that I love because I can't assert how I feel because of a fear of being judged by them. I love my girlfriend and she says she loves me but talks more in depth with other people but is constantly telling me that Im beatiful. I dont know what to believe. I feel like everyone is against me and because of that they literally are against me now. It is my own fault because I don't know how to act around people because i dont have fun. I have no identity and no emotional means of attaining one and its very frustrating, and i feel like it will never end.

May 25, 2005
3:28 pm
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lollipop3
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Have you considered counseling?

My boyfriend (oh yeah, ex...he broke up with me 4 days ago) and I have had many, many, many problems most of which stemming from his inablility to accept himself for who he is.

He has drank, lied, cheated and stolen his way through life ...all just to avoid reality.

He has so many wonderful qualities but unless he gets help for himself, he will always be afraid and nothing will ever change for him.

I've tried to talk to him about it but it's time that I "let go and let God".

Do yourself a favor...and everyone around you....get help.

I'm sure you are a great person and you deserve to give yourself a chance.

Good Luck

Lolli

May 25, 2005
3:32 pm
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SillyScotty
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that sounds a lot like me...

May 25, 2005
3:37 pm
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codep
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I think you need to figure out why your afraid of being judged? if these people that claim to love you and care about you should not worry about them judgeing you no matter what. I used to fear the same, I was so afraid to open up and be honest, but in reality I just wasnt being honest with myself. if you force yourself to take the step to be upfront and honest with your feelings "even with fear of judgement" you may be surprised at the response from those that love you and from yourself. Everyone is afraid of being judged, it's facing that fear that counts.

May 25, 2005
3:38 pm
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lollipop3
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I mean it.....give yourself a chance.

I know it's hard to look honestly at yourself, it was very hard for me as well but it is necessary to break the cycle and to begin to have a healthy life.

Just the fact that you're here is a step in the right direction.

GO FOR IT!!!!!

Lolli

May 25, 2005
3:54 pm
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SillyScotty
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thank you guys so much. just reading your responses gives me hope. cheesey but true.

May 25, 2005
3:59 pm
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2bstrong
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Hi scotty,

I wonder if you are judging yourself? I know that I am so critical of myself--many times I project that onto other people without even giving them a chance to get to know me.

Scotty, maybe it is some signal that you are sending out that is keeping people from getting close to you? I agree with the above posts, and can speak from experience that counseling does help.

I know what you mean too, about not being able to have fun, because you are so worried about pleasing others or being judged.

You do have an identity--you are you, you are special, and your life is a gift worth living.

I'm glad you posted this thread.

Blessings, 2b

May 25, 2005
4:13 pm
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gazelle
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Hi there Scotty. You say you are a nice guy. That's great! Please elaborate - preferably at length!

Why do you consider yourself misunderstood? Do you think / feel that people attribute motives & intentions to you wrongly? Why?

Why do you fear being judged? Have you been wrongly judged or harshly criticised in the past perhaps?

As I see it, the opposite of love is fear - whether expressed as anger, distancing, hate, or hidden behind Ego posturing and a dozen defence mechanisms.

So, to allow ourselves to accept love and to spontaneously feel & give love, we first have to conquer our fears. And a first step is identifying & understanding them.

Writing as you do shows part of the "definite identity" you DO have! Namely - the courage to reach out in honesty for understanding, communication & learning about self-development. Far too few people have that courage. So now ... tell us more and unpack & express that identity a little ...

People here are mostly v insightful, supportive & non-judgemental, so speaking your truth here is a great start.

Blessings to you - gazelle.

May 25, 2005
4:24 pm
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LouWho
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Here is the simplest way I can say this:

Dude-
You are way WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to far inside of yourself. No good can come from living that far inside.

Let go of all this crap you think they are thinking. Trust me, 90% of this crap you are thinking is just that...crap!

Honestly. Your problem is not the big hairy monster you think it is, and just a little professional help is all that is needed here.

Relax. Take it easy on you, and give everybody else a break, too.

I used to be a little like you, I use to spend time analyzing and tearing everything people said and did down to its lowest common denominator. I realized I was just freaking myself out. I forced myself to relax, cut off as much as the negative crap thinking that I could, and try to stick to thinking about what I knew where the hard facts, not the maybes, or the might-bes, or strategies. It's all so tiring.

Now I have so much more free time, and I can appreciate people for just what they are; the lying, cheating, sneaking snake bastards that are stealing me blind!

Just kidding. Relax, buddy.

May 25, 2005
8:19 pm
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SillyScotty
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thank you all.

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