Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
confused
December 11, 1999
9:38 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It has been awhile, I have been busy living life, and not questioning it for a while. However, today and for the last 2 weeks, I find my self stuck, and looking for input.Most of the old timers will recall my situation, most of all you Brock and VRJ.
I ask Brock if Shannon had done therapy, had not hooked up with your friend, but had been doing her healing work, and wanted to get back then what would you do ? I disconnected from the dance, I left, I did my work. But guess what he has done work too. He is very serious in his efforts.
There have been relapses on his part, my reaction was different. I side stepped the dance if you know what I mean. He got it, realized what he did took responsibility, saw his trigger, acknowledged my behavior change, and keeps talking of the possibilities.
this is different for him. There is a part of me that knows I want a life partner, I am complete alone but there is the abcense of my signifigant other. Not to mention life is easier, when shared in a healthy relationship. If not him I will search for a partner. Not in desperation, but just part of the human condition. But here before me is the man that I spent 12 years with, wanting another chance. True this has been the hardest two years of my life. Learning to be me,establishing a new identity, making new friends, new work, new area, and now he wants to come join me. Incorporating him into my life here will mean more changes, yet I will not go back to where we lived, we could move to a different area all together, and start a new life together.He has made just about every possible proposal. I know there are no guarentees in life, and I am not a gambler, but the clock keeps ticking and it is hard to turn your back on love. Some would question how I could even think about it, but it is that feeling that you have shared, Brock. Familiar, comfortable,history. Most of the time I did not miss him, the pain of change, and frustration was so strong I blocked missing him. Most will agree that prior to a break up the anger fuels the energy to propell the distance between the two of you and the struggle to change is a constant reminder. If I am in the present, and I don't look for a reason or a motivator, if I accept love and act lovingly my heart says to give it a try. But my head questions everything. Is it to much psychology? Will our heads ever allow our hearts fredom again, or will we question "our neediness" triggered from abandonment issues, wondering if we have really worked through or not? If I had not moved, this would not be a question, the routine of marriages ups and downs would have flowed as many have survived. But I did move a catalyst for the changes. Now he is offering all I have ever wanted. Is it my fear of things truly working that is confusing me. He has declared all along that he doesn't want divorce, the more I have pushed for seperation the more work he has done. The situation will truly be different, no children in the home, a big factor in our past problems. Or is he wearing me down, and reacting to his issues of codependency. Ahhhhhhhhhhh babble babble, sock it to me Brock

December 12, 1999
9:21 am
Avatar
VRJ
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi dear,
As long as you base your actions and emotions on truth, you won't go wrong.
Love Valli

December 12, 1999
11:24 am
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

But what is truth, I know that I look in the mirror, and I think I know what I see, then I see a photograph, and the reality hits. How do we know truth when we see it any more. Time is on my side and I am in no rush.

December 13, 1999
7:16 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Molly,
Good to see ya!
Could you not just take it slow? Maybe have him visit for a couple of weeks at a time? see how things go.
If you have a part-time trial maybe things will get clearer. If you make sure he has another home to go to, so it doesn't end up that he has to live with you.
You can give it a trial, but make sure that you do things on your terms, tell him he has to be living independantly for the time being, maybe he could move near you but get his own place, a job etc so you can take things slow?
See how willing he is to do that? i think if he is co-dep he will try to put things back to how they were before and want to live with you totally, if he his understanding he will be patient and try your "try before you by" technique!
Good luck
Hazza

December 13, 1999
10:18 pm
Avatar
VRJ
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hazza, again very wise words.

December 14, 1999
9:00 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you both, and yes I can take it slow, infact that is one of the proposals. It is tough
to give up when you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I did that once and regret it,perhaps the source of my indecision. Time will tell, but I do feel so much better getting the thoughts
out there. Love to you both, and thanks

December 14, 1999
9:01 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you both, and yes I can take it slow, infact that is one of the proposals. It is tough
to give up when you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I did that once and regret it,perhaps the source of my indecision. Time will tell, but I do feel so much better getting the thoughts
out there. Love to you both, and thanks

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
48
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer