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Confused...?!?!? Not sure what to think...
March 11, 2010
10:52 pm
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Need Help2009
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Hi, I will try to make this brief. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 and half years now (32 months). It has been pretty good relationship, so great that both my and her parents look highly upon our relationship. We have made plans to move in together next August and have talked about our future plans many times. I also landed my first intership, in which we are both thankful for! How more perfect could it get? Well recently I feel she has been a little distant from me.

She tells me she feels bored with life...she seems to show little interest in school anymore, she continues to have her best friends ignore her, and she says she just wants to go home. I have encouraged her and tried to keep her in good spirits, yet she seems to have something else that is bothering her. She asked me if I wished I was single. I told her that I am happy being with her and it never crosses my mind. Yet with all this, she makes comments how she is looking forward to this summer and going to a Cub's game together.

Could this be an indication she doesn't want to be with me anymore, or is it she is possibly scared or feeling trapped? Trust me, I don't want her to have the feeling of being trapped. I can understand moving in together is a huge step as well.

What I have done is just given her some time and space to think in hopes that everything will work out! This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened...she occasionally goes in and out phases where she can't get enough of me and times where she just wants to be left alone.

Thanks for reading and I appreciate any suggestions. Feel free to ask questions as well.

March 12, 2010
8:24 am
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sandpipper
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Needhelp…

I am no therapist but could your girlfriend be a little depressed? You said this isn’t the first time this has happened. What was it like the last time?

March 12, 2010
4:22 pm
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StronginHim77
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Why not commit and ask for her hand in marriage?

- Ma Strong

March 12, 2010
4:30 pm
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chuckles
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Is there anything you can recall from the previous events, that would seem to be related. Hard class, family problems....

It may be the moving in together idea that spooked her. When you first brought it up, was she really excited or did she respond as if she was just informed about something casual, like it's going to rain tomorrow?

I agree and also ask, why not commit with the big question?

March 12, 2010
7:09 pm
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Need Help2009
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Yea she does take a medication for depresseion, and I guess now that I think of it she was acting in this manner last year about this time (middle-end of winter).

As far as her reaction to moving in together, she was really excited! It had been something we talked about for quite a while so it has been a mutual agreement and we are excited non the less!

About asking for her hand in mariage. We are both still in college, I am a Junior and she is a sophmore. I think it may be a little soon for that maybe??? Although she has hinted to me on occasion she would like to be engaged in the next couple of years. She has even picked out a ring, or at least an idea of what she would want. Which she has showed to her parents as well.

But idk I guess my only hesitation is I feel like it may be too soon...

March 12, 2010
7:55 pm
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To add to that, I'm not sure exactly grade-wise how she is doing in school. I do know she has a field experience that isn't going as well as the last one. This one is a bit more challenging for her. It may be a factor to her low morale...

March 12, 2010
8:41 pm
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Lanigirl
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Need,

I'm so glad you're listening to your gut telling you that something isn't quite right. Unfortunately, you can't keep her in good spirits if she suffers from depression. Is it possible to talk with her parents or a counselor at school? This is really something that she needs to work out with them and a therapist.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of guesswork about how she is feeling which isn't a good foundation to move in together.

This is going to sound like a cliche but have you considered that there's a lot of world out there to see before you step into such a heavy situation?

March 12, 2010
9:10 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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If she is picking out a ring, she wants marriage, not just a roommate, imo.

March 12, 2010
9:43 pm
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Yea that's probably a good signal knowing she has a ring picked out. I am more of a traditionalist and if things go well and work out, I will talk to her parents before I buy the ring and go from there.

Sometimes distractions can cause these uncertain...what if...senarios. I'm just gonna take one day at a time and see how it goes. I know for a fact that I love her to death and deep down I know she loves me too!

March 13, 2010
12:36 am
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StronginHim77
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If you are ready to live together, you are ready to marry. Conversely, if you are not ready to marry, what are you doing living together?

- Ma Strong

March 13, 2010
1:35 am
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Good point StronginHim77 and Barefootgirl!

March 13, 2010
7:48 am
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sandpipper
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Need,

I think open communication is good in a relationship. Have you talked to her about your concerns?

March 13, 2010
12:35 pm
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Sand,

Yea you're right...open communication is good in a relationship. I've talked to her briefly the other night when she called me wondering what I was up to. It was just small talk (how our day went and such) and it was a good conversation, we both shared some laughs together.

I didn't address any of my deeper concerns with her. I feel it would be best to talk about these when she is ready to talk to me and we can sit down and talk these through. I'm respecting her need for space at this time. I'm a patient person, so I will just wait until she is ready.

March 13, 2010
7:08 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Ma Strong, I agree with that, I am not a religious person but I think that is wise advice...living together before is stastically bad and can cause problems down the road, unless of course your planning on marriage and you have a date set with a ring on it! Ever hear that song bout put a ring on it! ITs true!

March 15, 2010
10:49 pm
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Well I am no longer confused anymore. Had another talk with each other and we have come to a mutual agreement to take a break. She told me she needs time to herself and not have to worry about answering to anyone. She says she wants to find out what she is losing and says she needs the time to figure it out.

Let me know what you think about this agreement. In the mean time, I feel it may be good for the both of us to go our seperate ways for awhile and focus on ourselves. Thanks for everyones comments and support in my situation! =)

March 16, 2010
2:21 pm
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sandpipper
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Need,

I’m glad you and your gf talked things over and that you are no longer confused. You both are still in school and maybe this is the time to get to know yourselves. This can be a growing and learning experience for you both. You sound very level-headed. If it’s meant to be then down the road you guys can get back together. I wish you all the best.

Hugs

March 17, 2010
2:51 am
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Thank you Sandpiper,

I appreciate the comment. You are very right in everything you have said. I think that's the idea...we are just taking some time apart to focus on ourselves and as you said if it is meant to be, we will get back together down the road!

Thanks again!

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