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confused, lost, & lonely
April 17, 2001
1:41 pm
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Sabregirl
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I need someone to talk to. I am 28 years old, married & have a 2 year old son. I almost don't know where to begin.

I am living 2 hours away from my family. I'm American, but living in Canada. I hate Canada. My husband works 14 hours a day & we are in debt & can't afford to do anything, go anywhere or barely buy food. I stay at home cause he has a good job & day care is a fortune. We fight about money every few weeks & I recently cut up my bank card & credit card so he can no longer blame me for spending money.

The latest thing is that every time we go to my parent's house he leaves mad at me & complains about my parents the entire ride home. I don't know if he hates them or if he goes into nicotene withdrawl or if he wants to be single again. He denies all of it. Everytime I go to my parents without him, he gets mad, yet when he's there, he's not happy.

We were taken to Florida for a week in Disney World & we did not speak for the last 3 days there. He was mad that I bought things & that the vacation was not sitting in the pool like he thought.

We are in the process of filing immigration papers for him & my son to live in the US. He doesn't want to pay for a lawyer even thoug the process is very difficult now & the paperwork is huge!

Plus, we have no friends. I have 3 very close friends who live 3, 10 & 12 hours away. Other than my Mom, I have no one to talk to. My Mom & Dad have had it with my husband & said they are no longer going to be nice to us because my husband treats them like dirt.

I am so confused about him & I can't deal with him anymore. I don't know what to do. I am so isolated. My in-laws don't babysit & I can't talk to them about my problems cause they say they don't want to hear it. I even joined a play group, but almost a month into it, I know no one's name & barely talk to anyone.

I'm so alone & hate where I live & cant' deal with my husband & need a new washer & dryer & never get a break from my son & am having fertility problems-I want another baby & am starting to wonder why.

I need some advice, help, friends, anything.

I'm probably too pathetic for anyone to respond to me anyway.

sabregirl

April 17, 2001
2:15 pm
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Ladeska
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No, you're not too pathethic. (smile) We're all in boats like this at one point or another. Join the human race, girlfriend!

Well, time to square off a the table with each other and say - "what do you want?" Each needs to answer it honestly and then go from there.

If he's this way with your folks, then I'd suggest - if you're staying together - you go and he stays home. What's wrong with that scenario? He's miserable, so don't go, Dude?

But, you guys just have to honest about what you want, how you are feeling towards each other and either really commit to working it out or stop torturing each other and do something about things - in the other direction.

April 17, 2001
3:59 pm
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Molly
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Well, I think we could make you the poster child of the house wife blues. Boy, I haven't heard a list this validating for misery in a long while. We hear ya honey!!!! You are bored, lonely, isolated, and broke what a cocktail. A baby right now might seem like something different to focus on, a miracle temporary cure and that is why your thoughts have gone there but its not the solution. soon your list would be the same but a 4 year old, and a new born in diapers. Your in the dumps mentally, and looking to everyone to prop you up, or at least hear you, and magically fix things, sound close? At least you have the internet, I have said before when we were in your situation, we didn't even have 24 hour television, far less cable, vcr's etc. You need to take care of you, shopping is a good out let, but you have spent your wad. Darn. The pressure is on hubby, to make money, which there is never enough of, and then he comes home to a tired bored, and most likely miserable wife. Been there and done that. Don't know what to say about the inlaw thing, different families are different, and who can blame them for not wanting to listen to a sad and lonly woman? I don't know how you have framed the problems to your parents, but gosh and golly, they are your parents, and is any one good enough for our daughters, especially when she is so unhappy? Of course he is the bad guy!!! that is why you went to Canada
lonely and miserable!! Soooo you need to seek out some cheap entertainment, is there a gym? with day care? Do they have a ymca type thing? Become Martha Stewart, check out mommy and me classes that is a good way to meet women, volunteer at the church day care or preschool, but get busy, meet people, get proactive, and see how the dynamics of the marriage change, sure it takes two, but one can do lots to change things, and smile honey, this too shall pass.I think when my girls were young, and my husband traveled, I dialed 0 to hear an adult voice. We have all been there, not that it helps, but know that your just stuck right now, and need to take action.

April 18, 2001
2:52 pm
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Sabregirl
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To Ladeska & Molly,

Thanks so much for writing replying! Today is a better day. It is so nice to hear of other women who have gone through this stay at home Mom thing & survived. My Mom says how she wishes that when my bro & I were little that she had a VCR to watch Disney movies all night when we wouldn't go back to sleep.

As for my hubby, we had another talk & the rut we're in is destroying him too little by little. The cold weather just sucks & I cannot wait to live in a much warmer climate. We also figure he has nicotene withdrawl, so he says he loves my parents & wants to see them, so he's going to get nicorette for next time we visit. We'll see if it works. If not, I'm back to square one.

I'm sure you both know that some days are better than others, so I know this is certainly not the last time I'll be here.

Thank you again for your "ears", advice & for giving me someone to talk to.

Sabregirl

April 18, 2001
4:21 pm
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Molly
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this is with out a doubt the greatest place to vent, so don't be a stranger.

April 19, 2001
2:21 pm
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Sabregirl
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Hey Molly,

I seem to be drawn to this site. It's just cool to talk to people. It's that "human" link. At least ya know there is someone somewhere who is sitting at a computer writing to you. It sounds corny, I know.

Next time I lose it, I'll be sure to do it here. I've visited here everyday this week, so guess I won't be a stranger.

Thanks!
Sabregirl

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