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Confused in my relationship
March 9, 2001
11:00 am
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DMS
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I have been married for 6 months. I never been so happy in all my life. My husband is the most wonderful man. Lately, he is very different towards me, always having snide remarks to simple questions I ask, etc.
I finally asked him what the problem is and his answer to me was I don't know, everything you do annoys me. Nothing specific just everything. I love my husband more than anything and don't know what I would do without him. I want to go to counceling but he's not sure. He said he thinks for right know I should just leave him alone. I haven't stopped crying since this conversation.

March 9, 2001
5:14 pm
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pg lova
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DMS,

It sounds to me like you shouldn't have married him. I know that sounds harsh, but nothing gives him the right to treat you like that. You are a human being and deserve better. If you do want to save your marriage however, don't ask him to go to counseling, demand it. Let him know that if he won't seek help then you want the marriage analled. This also seems like the onset of an abusive relationship. I feel that the best thing to do is leave.

PG Lova

March 9, 2001
5:19 pm
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Ladeska
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Charmer / Abusers - have this M.O. It's a dangerous sign and I hope you take it for just that - Warning, Warning! And this treatment of his is supposed to just be "okay" with you until His Majesty decides to bequeath his good nature and love upon you. Hogwash and Bullshit. Don't beat yourself up for not really knowing all about him either. People who are charmers - don't let you see.....who they are. They keep it very well hidden, because the truthof the matter is - they want someone in close to them that they can kick and manipulate and control and make miserable. It's a pet game of life they have. It's twisted, it's sick and you need to get out of it now while you still can. Believe me......it can rob you of all your self worth, make you so sad you just want to die and spin you around so hard that you won't know which ends up or care. So, while you can still make choices and good ones - leave and say "hey, if I'm that much of pain to you, then b'bye - nuff said." If you stay.........you are actually inviting him to treat you worse and worse and worse. You think about that long and hard. He will lose respect for you if you take his crap and that gives him the okay to do whatever to you. Hope you're listening.

March 12, 2001
1:37 pm
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gingerleigh
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You haven't mentioned children, so I'm guessing that there aren't any. If that's the case, that makes things 1000% easier now, and although it's tough, you only have yourself to watch out for.

If you want to get counseling, go for it, and go for yourself, just for the outside opinion.

Everyone is saying "leave! leave!" it might not be necessary. It might just be a phase. BUT, it also might not be a phase. His true colors might just be revealing themselves. You'll need to sort that out and decide for yourself based on his actions ongoing.

Peace.

March 12, 2001
7:31 pm
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Molly
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I support both of the above posts, and the first post is right on with respect to getting this handled right now!!! This type of behavior will make you crazy. I would also suggest that you sit back and look at his parents, are they the same dynamics? Think back on your dating, was it fight honeymoon, peace then fight honeymoon? Did you marry over trust issues? Just more to think about get the book on verbal abuse, and see how the conversation can make you so confused, which will wear you down. Protect your self emotionally. It is far worse than a punch. And you never really see it comming until your a gonner.

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