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confused .... i think
December 18, 2002
8:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi all i am really not sure where to begin, but i suppose anywhere is ok. My husband (ex) divorce me about a year and a half ago said it was not working saying he was going to stay at his mom until he could afford to go on his own a couple months later (around christmas) he moved in with a girl he denied that he was with. He called me everyday saying he is sorry he left he loves me he wants to come back etc, so i stayed and stayed, because i could not let go, coould not see me without him. He broke of with the girl as he said he wants us to try then after he comes back he startd saying he don't think it is going to work etc, so i decided that i have given enough i waited enough so i met this guy that i like and i went out with him once, told my ex and the problem started, how much he loves me he needs another chance so what did i do i gave it. But i guess my thing is why do i give so much chances i feel that no matter how much he hurt me that i should be there for him and when i tell him i want no more because i am tired of him not knowing if he wants me in his life or not, then i feel that i am letting him down and i am not being there for him, but i have being there more than anyone would be. I think he is depress finally after 13 yrs he decided to go get help, he finally admit he has a problem.
What do i do, do i walk away and let him deal with it, or stay around and sacrifice myself to see him through it? i feel guilty, feel that i owe him, but i know i don't. i think what i want to do above everything else is tell him exactly how i feel, about him hurting me and sometimes i feel i resent him for it and resent him for the way i feel. I really don't know. Thanks to anyone for responding

December 18, 2002
10:52 pm
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Do you have kids together? If not, I'd say to cut your losses and move on and find someone who is in a healthier stage of life and can build the life with you that you need, free of deceit and full of trust. If you do have children together, that's a little different, and in my opinion it could be worth giving it another shot. But if it's just between the two of you, sheesh, why bother? Why sacrifice yourself again to someone who wasn't there for you the first time? Take care of you, do what is best for you this time around. He had his chance. Now time for you to take yours. Just my 2 cents, best wishes to you.

December 19, 2002
10:55 pm
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If it clears your mind give him the chance he wants but under YOUR conditions.

Then when and if you move on you know he had the opportunity to do right by you.

Just remember he could just be a jerk and you are finallly seeing "the real him"

December 20, 2002
6:45 am
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It will never be the same. I think too in some ways, you did get lied to, and cheated on so to speak, no ?
That isn't depression, that is character. I don't think he cared much when he said, bye bye. I know in your heart it will be hard to just say no, but you have allready gone through what you have to heal and re-establish your self, and that takes a ton of energy, do you have the resources to do it again. If you can resist manipulation, just date, but no sex. Public places, check him out like any other guy.

December 20, 2002
6:45 am
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Don't be those old shoes in the closet, ya know?

December 20, 2002
11:40 am
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Hi Babygirl,
I would tell him how I feel. What do you have to lose!
I find that self-respect is such a special commodity these days.
I get confused alot myself about staying or leaving. I have been married 4 times if this is any indicatior of my past history.
I find that some days, it is easier not to express my honest feelings and just stuff them so I don't rock the boat. I find that it only gets worse.
I am learning that when we face our fears usually they are not as bad as we visualized them to be.
Good Luck!

December 24, 2002
2:00 pm
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thanks guys for the advice, it is getting to a point where i feel i have enough, molly i don't know if you remember but you had post something here a long time ago that i had print it was called "The awakening" and i have gotton to some part of it and it took me a long time to get here, i don't want to go back but i don't know how to let go or tell him that, i think i will be a lot happier if not happier them more content, well it is the day before christmas he has the kids, i get them for a couple of hours christmas then they go back to him so i went and got me a PJ and a new comforter set i figure if i am going to spend it alone i might as well be comfy hee hee. I hope you all have a blessed Christmas.

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