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confused again
October 24, 2004
3:47 pm
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wottamess
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I have been having an affair with a man for 10 /11 months and we talk freely and I had great respect for a lot of things he does / says / is.

Last week, I told him about an incident of my childhood sexual abuse, something which I have only ever told one other person about (I'm 40yrs old).

Today, we were talking about his poor memory and he said "if you don't cut that out, I'll start saying stuff about what you told me last week".

I have never been so wounded or let down by anyone so much in my life and the more I think about it, the more I am hurting. I can't believe that someone who says he cares about me, could say such a mean thing to me.

Am I over reacting? He is obviously sincerely apologetic by such a tactless / thoughtless remark. Is that all it is? I don't know why I am writing this on here except I need to write it down and if I told my friends, they would go mad.

October 24, 2004
5:28 pm
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art angel
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Wottamess,
I do not think you are over reacting. That is an extremely heavy issue and you deserve an apology. Did he give you a sincere apology? I am a very sensitive person and I believe that joking is good, but not about some issues, and I believe that our significant others should respect that about us. Not that you are being sensitive. I feel like you have every right to feel the way you do.

October 24, 2004
5:31 pm
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sdesigns
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He might be very sensitive about his poor memory so he was reacting to that. SD

October 25, 2004
12:37 am
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brownie
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I think what it is is that maybe it had happen to him and the fact you brought it up,brought back those issues to him.See what it is also is that some people can't deal with that.It is a sensitive issue.You don't owe him an apology.He should at least try to understand that what you may have went through was the same issue as you have.i do not see why he can't see that.

In anyway do not apologize and it was good you came on this site and talked with us about it.Too bad your friends ain't understanding either.i do not consider them as friends.A real friend would be caring and supportive about it.I was sexually abused also as a child.i told my husband and it happened to him also,but in no way did he get mad with me or yell at me.

So maybe you should not have nothing to do with him nomore until he apologizes to you.You need positive feedback and that is what you will get from here at this site.keep posting and know that we are here for you.

October 25, 2004
10:02 am
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wottamess
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Thankyou.
It wasn't said in jest, it was like a vindictive thing which I am finding really hard. Is this his real personality?

Yes, he is sensitive about his poor memory but I don't joke about it, I am just amazed at how much conversation he forgets from hour to hour.

And yes, he was abused, badly, but I would have thought that made him more understanding.

Anyway, have to put it away and hope it was just a mistake

October 25, 2004
1:15 pm
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kathygy
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Sometimes people will say something awful just to push you away and it worked in this case. If the closeness was scaring him he may have had a need to push you away. You need to find our why he would hurt you. Is he scared of the intimacy? Does he want to get out of the relationship? Something motivated him to push you away. Although, there are a whole lot of healthier and less hurtful ways to do that. He could have just told you he needs some space. You may triggered some old anger in him with your story and he lashed out at you inappropirately. See if you can have a heart to heart open and honest conversation with him about it. If you can't do that you have a bigger problem.

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