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Confused about the past
February 2, 2007
4:17 am
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findnewbalance
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September 24, 2010
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I have vague memories of sexual abuse when I was a child. I have dealt with anxiety/depression/insomnia for the majority of my adult life (I'm in my early 20's), I can't stand to be touched by a family member, it makes me feel extremely nauseous, I always feel impending doom, but I truly don't know why I feel this way. I honestly don't remember much of anything before I was about 8 when I moved. I have a good life and I'm pretty well adjusted, but I have these demons I'm too scared to share with anyone. I imagine there are others who feel this way, how do you cope? Is there a way to figure out what happened during those absent years in my memory? Thanks so much.

February 2, 2007
11:37 am
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Giggles_29
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September 30, 2010
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Findnewbalance, have you ever considered counseling?? I speaking from personal experience have to say it really does work. Something must have happened for you to have these feelings. I think the only way to cope or deal, is to get to the bottom of it. Drag those skeletons out of the closet, and destroy them 🙂 Once you can get through them and sort everything out, find out why it is you feel this way, you can move on.I hope this helps a little. @--]------ Giggles

February 2, 2007
12:08 pm
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Dear find,

It does sound confusing. Not remembering before age 8 makes me wonder if there are some things your mind has had to block out. I can track my earliest memories back to age 4, maybe 3. But the memories from that age get really lop-sided, perspective-wise. You know....the countertops in the kitchen are WAY up there, etc.

It seems like those early memories always have one highly charged emotion attached to the scene also, like fear.

I wonder if you could try to separate yourself out into your adult self and the child self when you have these hazy flashbacks. Let your adult self act as an observer, sort of. Let the observer be a caring adult, and not emotionally involved....something along those lines..... so that the memory could take on some clarity and you could be sure what really did happen. Try to write down what you think was real and record the feelings as well.

A counselor probably would be able to help you "go there" safely. I hope you can maintain your secure, adult self in this process. You are SO not a helpless little child any more. You can protect and take care of yourself now. Love and assurance to you.

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