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CONFUSED ABOUT LOVE AND LIFE
January 5, 2006
2:02 pm
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nappy
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This is the first time me being here. I am a woman with a confuse mind and heart. My boyfriend or ex-boyfriend I don't know what to call him is wanting me to move in with him at the end of my lease. That is in November of 2006. This person that I am talking about was my first love at 15 and he was 16 when I visit my relative in the summer. We lost touch between 20 years and found each other again. My love for him was still strong when we got older. We dated for about a year and decided to move in together. I have three children two out on there own and the baby stilling living with me. Well that didn't go very well because he left me 9 times and I took him back trying to keep our home and to still be together. My son caught wind of my boyfriend action and told me that he just feel that this man didn't want him around. I didn't see it at the time. Well when we got evicted from the house he was already gone and I had to move. I found me and my son an apartment and have been living there since 2004. 2003 wasn't a good year for me. My boyfriend also left me when I was very sick, sick with a illness but with him putting me under a lot of stress it made it worse. I had forgiving him and we still see each other on saturday. Now he want what I wanted when we were living together. A nice home and being under the same roof. Well I don't trust him anymore, I love him but don't trust him and my sons don't trust him either. They don't want me to really see him anymore because they feel he is not good for me. The don't want me to move in with him because they feel that he will change again once we start living together because now he has me and only me. He is not close to his family or friends and look upon me for his everything and when thing don't go his way then there we are again not talking to each other. This is a new year and I want more. Not from him because I just don't feel that in love with him like I used to. He has done some things in our lives that was very big in hurting me and leaving me when I was sick is at the top of the list. I don't know what to do. I love being with him and that is it. I don't want to be thinking about the future with him because I just see that once he get what he wants then he will go back to being the person that I used to live with and he made it not good. It funny that with me he is one way and then when my boys are around he is putting on a act. I think that he don't want me being around my boys or grandkids.

January 5, 2006
2:12 pm
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taj64
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Without trust in this relationship it is doomed. You sound like you need to have trust. If you can accept casual then ok but from the sounds of it, you are settling. You don't have to settle if you don't want to. You have instincts in this situation and you might want to listen to them. I think you want love in your life and as long as you have this man who you think you don't love as much, around then you will be settling and not allowing yourself something better or someone who you really do love. It is something to think about. TAJ

January 6, 2006
1:50 pm
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nappy
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Taj64
Thank you for responding. It is nice to have people to relate to. I know that I have to learn to have trust but that is hard. Here is a man that I have known since I was 15 and it took 20 years for to see each other again and I fell in love with him all over again. I know that my first mistake was that I should have let time past between us to get to know each other and I didn't. When we decide to live together I jump at the chance to be with him. We did have 4 good months together but after that things wasn't right. It like he wanted me right there all the time. Even going to the bathroom, made him to put his ear to the door. I also think that when we separated I didn't have a chance to get myself together. Not wanting another man but to see what I really wanted in life. But he was right there. We get along great and have great sex but for some reason we just don't get along. It like he wants to tell me what to do and I just can't have that since I have been on my own since my mother died when I was 15. I don't need a father figure I needed a man. I have kids of my own and raise them on my own. My boys just want to see me happy and to trust that man so say that he will take care of there mother. Not to hurt her. My youngest son knows how he is because he lived with us together and since my son knows him, he don't like him. It funny because my son said to me. Mama,when you with a man, you are stress because you are you trying so hard to please him and when you are not with a man, your health get better. and that is a true statement.

January 6, 2006
4:06 pm
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artist 2
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Let's see... you're confused, your boyfriend left you when you were sick... he's been hurting you... yet you love being with him? and you can't decide if you want to move in with him? I'll decide for you: DON'T.

January 12, 2006
11:11 am
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nappy
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Good morning everyone,
I tell you when you ask god to guide you, he will see you through. I'm glad that I had a chance to come to this site. I would like to say to the other people on this site that if they would just let god guide them and take there hands off of the situation they will be alright.
My sons and grandsons and myself went to the park this past weekend and had a little family outing. It is a big park and we were out playing and having fun and then my ex and some of his male friends were playing basketball. He couldn't even shoot the ball because he was so much looking over where we were at having fun and being a family. They left and we continue our family outing. Well later on that night he call to tell me how good it was to see me and my family and how much he miss all of that. It was nice to hear from him again but this time I knew that I was a much stronger person. I am bless and god has allow me to see what life is really about and having family. We are not promise tomorrow so it is time to enjoy life now.
Hope everyone has a bless day.
And thank you!
Nappy

January 12, 2006
11:18 am
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mj
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I agree Nappy! My hp who I call God is there for me if I trust and have faith and talk and listen.

January 12, 2006
11:32 am
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kathygy
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nappy,

this man has treated your awful over and over again! Of course you don't trust him. why would you let a man with his history back into your life?

He has to earn your trust and prove to you that he has changed if that's the case. Don't make it easy for him just to waltz back into your life.

Protect your heart and your children.

January 12, 2006
11:39 am
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nappy
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Oh I said that it was nice hearing from him again, not to set up house with him. (smile) He does have to earn my trust again but he will only be a person that I had a relatioship with. I understand now that god does put people in your life for a reason and his was to teach me what I want in life and what I don't want and right now I am very content with my life. I realize that my life has been with the only man that I knew for a long time but I had to find him again and his name is GOD. I realize that everything does happy for a reason. We might not see it right then but after a while our eyes will open. I don't hate him, more or less i feel sorry for him. Hopefully he will find his happiness just like I found mines.

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