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confused about depression and love
October 8, 2001
6:32 pm
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madi
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i don't understand why he can't talk to me ... he says he's messed up in the head and it has nothing to do with me ... i tell him that i love him ... but he finds it hard to believe anyone could love him ...

i will always stand by him ... and support him ... but its getting harder ... i tell him what's bothering me ... then it becomes my fault ... i put the guilt trip on him and made his depression worse ...

i try ... and he doesn't help ... he won't let me know what's on his mind ... so to make everything better he says he needs a break ... i say fine ...

then he ends up coming back a few weeks later ... and i take him back ... then we start all over ... i am so confused ... can't love overcome depression?

October 8, 2001
6:48 pm
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TLJB
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What is it that he feels is messed up in his head? What is the source of his depression? He doesn't feel good about himself so he thinks why would anyone love me. Whats got the man down? I think when you tell him how you are there for him and let him know how you feel and you express what it is doing to you. He may crawl back into his shell because he's thinking well I can't make her happy and she just doesn't understand.
Therefore he just shuts down and keeps everything to himself. Where does he go when he takes off? What does he find out there? It can't be any better than what he's got because he keeps coming back to you. He knows you are there for him. I would like to know whats really got him down!

October 8, 2001
9:06 pm
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Molly
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Read Men are from Mars, when they have stuff, they go into a cave, they are very cautious about sharing their feelings, and are so very different than women. Depression is a very difficult situation to deal with, he must do what he needs to do, and I swear it is contagious. So, back off of him for a while, and let him do what he needs to do, you learn and focus on you. Relational Rescue is also a good book.

October 9, 2001
12:23 am
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shugarmagnolya
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I've been on the other end of this dilemma. I"m female but pretty much act like how your boyfriend acts. I too believe that depression is contagious, so be careful about how much you become involved. Let him know that you are there for him and care about him unconditionally. Let him know that you love him and point out the reasons why, specifically. Whenever he needs you, be sure to listen. The problem is, he is probably so unsure of how he feels, that it is hard for him to explain it to you. He may feel that he needs to back away from the situation to get a grip on how he's feeling. dont take it personally but when your depressed, everything irritates you...he may get irritated by you, and may even feel like its you that is irritating, but its really his intolerance and irritability due to the depression. It will go away when he starts to get better.
I think its best to let him know your there for him and love him. Give him options on how to get help, a counselor helps so much words cannot explain...let him know that there are a million people out there that feel the same way as him and that he is not alone. Try to do it in a way that doesn't sound like your on a commercial following an after school special, though. But don't get so involved that it drains your mental health. And if you start to feel that way, go see a counselor yourself. It helps to get an outside perspective to keep you mentally healthy so that your views an perception does not become warped. Im so sorry for the novel...ill let u go now:)

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