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Concerned Again - Att: Zinny and Sunnygrl and anyone else
April 15, 2005
8:57 pm
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tmv1109
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Hi Y'all,
It's been awhile since I have been on here, trying to move on from things that have happened in the past 8 months. I have been able to go from being terrified that my ex was going to come and kill me, to just getting by day by day. And everyday seems a little better, and I feel a little more relaxed and safe. I had a protective order that ended on Feburary 1st. I was nervous knowing that day was coming, but when it finally arrived, I had forgot all about it, that was until later on that night, I recieved a call from my ex's "New" girlfriend. She had called when I was not home, and left a message. She said she was a friend of a former guy I had been dating. I assumed she was calling for some silly reason such as she was his new girlfriend and found my phone number. When I called her to simply tell her that guy and I are no longer dating, I was shocked to find out why she was really calling. She was the new girlfriend (3 weeks new) of my ex, whom I had the protective order against. She said she had recieved my number from this friend of hers that too, was a guy I had recently stopped dating. She said she ran into him, told him who she was "seeing" and he said "Oh, not good, here, call this girl and she will tell you why". Furious that this guy would do this to me, I simply told her, as best I could because I was shaking so badly, that I had a protective order against him if that tells you anything. I expressed to her that I really didn't want to talk about this, that that should be some kind of indication and I begged her to PLEASE not mention my name to my ex and that I am scared of him. She promised she wouldn't. But she continued to go on about lies he had been telling her. Saying he was a former champion bull rider, that he is building a home and that his roommate, who she told me who he was and is a friend of his, was his partner in the business. I told her none of that was true, I told her he works for a former champion bull-rider who is building a home and that "he" is his handyman. She also said she works for a law enforcement agency and that she does background checks on everyone she dates. She said she check him and nothing came up. When she told me the birthday she gave him, he cleverly told her one day off from his actual birthday. I told her that was also incorrect and gave her the correct day. She began to act as if she was concerned about me and that she too was a battered wife of a man for many years. She gave me the name of the center that helped her and the phone number of the place. She then began to "counsel" me over the phone explaining why men of this type do this and that it is not our fault. I ended the phone call and asked her to please not ever mention my name, and she promised. I of course, hung up and called this guy who gave her my number and asked him what he possibly could have been thinking of and asked him why. He said he thought it would have been good for me to help someone else with this guy. I told him he was wrong to to never do that again. When I asked him what Home Depot he was in when he ran into her, he could not remember. He said he goes to so many that he wasn't sure and he said "_____ maybe, I really don't know". That was the last time I talked to him. However, she called me the next day to tell me thank you for the correct birthday because his record came up, and she told me some things I did not know. Such as the fact that the "dead wife he rolled up and found" while he supposably was a state trooper, was a BIG lie. They were not even married at the time and that he had been married 3 times by the time he was 24 and that all marriages lasted less then 8 months a piece. She said she was going to get the criminial background tomarrow and would let me know what she founded if I was interested. And I was, I told her I was and to go ahead and call with the info because he and I are still waiting to go to court for the charges I pressed against him. She said she would and told me, as if we were best friends, "Don't worry, we will get through this together", and I thought that was comforting that perhaps this was lagit. I asked her if she was going to take my advice and stay away from him, and she said "At first I thought I would just avoid him all together, but then I thought I would sit him down, with all the info I found and tell him if he lies to me one more time that's it". Shocked, I almost wanted to laugh, because I could not believe what I was hearing. She was told he was a drug addict, sells drugs, a pathalogical liar, and obviously a women hater and beater! I told her what ever she thought was best but that I highly suggested she stay away from him, but again it was her choice. She also told me she had kids, so that scarred me for her, until she told me her youngest was 24! I asked her how old she was and she said a little older than I was. (Just so you know, I would have had to been 8 when I had her youngest!) Anyways, I did talk to this guy who gave her my number again and he told me she was pushing 50 and is "rich as hell!", which I replied "So he's using her", and he said "Hell yeah he's using her!" Anyways, that was the last I heard from her, she never called again, I calmed down, after going through a string of emotions of fear and paranoia. Until two days ago when a friend of mine called to tell me my ex came in to where we use to work, (he was filling in for someone that night) and asked her if she had talked to me. She said the only thing she said to him was "Yep" and never looked at him and he never said anything else to her. I need to know if I am being overly paranoid or not. I have made a choice after all of this, after that women called me, to relocate, but I can't until June. I am telling no one where I am going, but it will be a place where I can have a peace of mind and not be scarred all the time and I can stop hiding out at home. Am I crazy guys for being scarred, or is it that I just need therapy to get over what happened, which I do know I could use, but I am scared to go anywher other than to work and home, and sometimes to the local gym. What do you think? I tried to contact the DA's office to tell them this girl called on the day my PO ended, but recieved no call back and I still don't know what is going on. I honestly just want to get out of here and never have to see him or his eyes again. What do you think I should do?

April 17, 2005
7:02 pm
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CODA_Mom
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tmv,

I do not think that you are being paranoid in trying to protect yourself, you know only too well what this man is capable of doing. He sounds very devious to me.

Can you have another protection order placed on him until you are able to relocate? Do you have a local woman's shelter who can recommend another place for you to stay in the meantime, or a friend's place?

Going for therapy would not be a bad idea, normally people in abusive situations become "shell-shocked", much as soldiers who are in battle. I'm sure you've heard about posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It would help to be able to process all of the craziness in an accepting environment.

I would be all for moving to a place where you feel safer, and in getting an unlisted phone number.

My prayers are with you, tmv, for strength in the days ahead.

Blessings,
CM

April 17, 2005
8:29 pm
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tmv1109
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Dear CM,
So nice of you to post and thank you from the bottom of my heart, it really helps when a person can openly talk about something like this and not have people tell you your being paranoid or make you feel like your crazy. PTSD, I never thought of something like that, but it does make sense considering the way I have been feeling the past 8 months. As for getting another PO, I porbably would not unless he directly contacted me himself. I too am unfortunately dealing with a local town that is known as the "good ol' boy" system. When I pressed charges, my case and pictures of my injuries went right from the city to the sheriff's dept. because of where my ex lived. Once my case went there, everything seemed to stop and I was treated like I was being an inconvience. I was first told that I needed to get a PO immediately and was sent over to the judge in town to get one. When I got there, I was told I could not get one until he was actually arrested. I found out a month later, after my ex tried to contact me several times via phone and showing up where I work, that that info was incorrect. The only reason I found that out was because I insisted on speaking to the sheriff himself to find out why my ex had still not been arrested. We had found out that the Sgt. in charge of my case had (1. been ignoring my everyday calls concering the case and never once called me back, and 2. found out the case had been shown on the computer as being cleared, but with no explanation, the Sheriff got in contact with the Sgt. to find out what had happened and the Sgt. said that he had accidentally left my case, as well as the warrent for his arrest in his vehicle for the past 2 weeks and forgot about it). From that point, the Sheriff told me the info the judge's office gave me was incorrect and that I could go down right now and get one. When I did that, I met with the DA who had to be no more than 26 years old. (How she got the job, I don't know) Anyways, she was horrible to me, and told me so many incorrect things and actually tried to get me to drop the case! When I didn't, her behavior became worse and suggested I considering getting another lawyer! I did go see one and was told that was not possible because this was a state case and the lawyer told me that he was sorry this was happening in the county it was happening in because they are known for these kind of things. Thank goodness I did go see him because he told me I insist she go over questions with me when we go to court, (which by the way, this was only for the protective order, not the charges). He also told me she was absolutely wrong when she said we could not use his criminal record in court to show his credibility (he was lying saying that he never touched me, even though I had pictures), that we could indeed use the fact that I was pregnant and if I wasn't terrified of him, why did I not want him to know, etc. He also suggested I contact the news stations and to get some heat on this. (I did not do that) She also insisted he did not have a record and said "I don't know where you are getting your information from, but he has a clean record. After insisting she was wrong and that she probably was holding a state-wide search and not a national one, (which she kept insisting was a national) I gave her a copy of the emails I had recieved from his probation department with his tracking number. She then said, "Oh, maybe this is only a state wide, but I thought I put in a nation wide search". Anyways, I feel if I was dealing with the city instead of the county, things would have been different. The officers at the city where so wonderful, they are the ones who found out his history for me, (told me his name sounded familiar) told me about the kind of people that live on my ex's street (two meth labs) and they counseled me. The one officer stayed with me past his shift just to talk to me, he also told me that once this goes to the sheriff's dept, (and he apologized) that they tend to do things a little different. My ex was charged with a Class A Misdemeanor with Bodily Injury. It took them a month to arrest him, and almost 2 months to get the final PO. He hired a lawyer who was good, (he had too, he was on probation from the state of GA), however, after hearing him say a few things, it was obvious his lawyer had been lied to by my ex. He didn't even know he had a record and was on probation! Anyways, I am sure that is more than you wanted to know, but I think not only was I hurt and lied to by someone like this (reminds me of Scott Peterson), I also did not have a system to protect me. I cried to this DA, (and I am not a crier) and told her if I don't get something to protect me, he is going to kill me. She told me "With a PO or not, if he wants to kill you, he will find a way to do it anyway". She was horrible, but I did get the PO, but only because we settled. My ex didn't show up for court on our last day, (his roommate, who I thought was the nicest man-also a druggie I later found out-was going to go into court and lie for him saying he was there the whole time and nothing happened, that my ex asked me to leave and I wouldn't, that my ex broke up with me and I just started to go crazy!) They said they supposably had pictures too of the damage I had done! I don't know how they were going to explain the fat lip and the broken finger, or the bruises on my leg, but they sure were going to try. OK, anyways, they did not show up, either of them, even though it was just one week later, they both forgot the date they were suppose to be there. But his lawyer said he would keep me on the witness stand all day long until my ex got there, and the DA I knew for a fact was not going to protect me in anyway. So I settled for a four month permanent PO because I was scarred to death and knew if I had just something to have him think people were watching, he wouldn't try anything. It's when people aren't looking that he will take action. The fact that that women called on the very day my PO was over, and the fact that she works with a law enforcement agency, I have a feeling she was getting info to help him out, maybe delete his record? I'm sure that is possible. And then the fact that he has the nerve to even mention my name to my friend scares me because it is still clearly on his mind. I currently live in a state where crime is high and ANYTHING is possible, a state where they are not necessarily friendly, but what I call "surface friendly", and I now trust no one here, not the law, not my neighbors, not even some of my extended family that lives here. My ex's ex girlfriend prior to me told me that she was preganant and when he told her, he beat her so bad that she suffered a broken jaw, broken ribs and was momentarily knocked out. She said when she woke, he was dragging her by her ankles to his truck, and when she started to scream, some people came over to help. (this was at night by the way) When she told me this, I told her he would have killed her if he would have got her in his truck, she said she knew, but that she still talks to him and went to his house to fix his computer! I don't know, maybe she's a druggie too, seems like everyone in these parts are. I have been here about a year and a half, and never experienced anything like this, drugs, abuse, being lied too by someone you grow to love, and then realize slowly, they are not who they pretend to be. My ex lied to me, my family, about who he is, what he does, what he did. He lied and said he had no children, and found out he had two, by two different women. He pays no child support, his license was suspened because of it, and he has a record in two states. He said he was married once, but lost her in a car accident. He said he was a state trooper, and when he was working one night, rolled up and found her. This lie he has told everyone! That however too, was a big lie. He was not married to her at the time, he was married to his third wife (age 24), and the girl who died was his second wife, but she remarried, and they both lived on opposite sides of the state! He talked about the day, what she did, what the plans for that weekend were, everything, all a big lie. And the scarriest thing, is that you would never think he was this kind of person. He hates women, never has anything nice to say about any women, he's also a drug addict and a criminal. He became violent with me at the drop of a hat, it was literally Dr. Jekel, and Mr. Hyde. All day he would be wonderful, and then suddenly, I could see the personality changing on his face, he would klick his jaw, and his eyes would get real dark, and he would get a tone in his voice, and would scar me. He use to pretend he was stabbing me, smiling at times, and he knew this scarred me. He would literally snap, out of the blue, and when he did, his eyes were terrifying, because I knew he was gone, the man I fell in love with, the sweet, church going, animal and family loving man, was gone and there was the devil who I knew in a second could snap my neck and kill me. He would scream for me to go, to "get my things and go back to my perfect little life, with my perfect little family and my perfect little neighborhood, where I belonged" and when I would get to my car with my things, he would suddenly change and beg me not to go. Literally, on his hands and knees crying. A couple times I did stay, but every other time, he would become violent. He would jump on the back of my car, or punch the windows screaming like a maniac, or try to reach in and pull me out. He would kick my car or beat it with the property gate. And all this would come out of no where, and I swear to you when I say I never was bickering, or giving him a hard time, I mean it. I know it is probably hard to believe, but it is the truth. He would write me beautiful love letters telling me how sorry he was, how much he needs me now more than ever, and wanted to spend the rest of his life me and how lucky he is to have someone like me in his life. And he was, I loved him, but I became so terrified of him. I lost the baby, I went to the doctor and found out there was no heart beat. That was a mix of emotions. I have no children and want to be a mom more than anything, and I believe I will be a good mother, but I was scarred as to how I would finacially be able to support us, (knowing he could never know because I was afraid he would come after us) and I was scared because I didn't know if my ex was simply a drug addict (not that I mean that's "simple") or if he had mental issues as well, such as being a sociapath. But God took care of it for me, but it was hard on the heart.

I know I have probably told you more than you were interested in, I quess, I just need to talk to someone. I don't want to tell my family here, because some think that he is not capable of doing something, that he is "to much of a wimp", whatever that is suppose to mean, and my family back home, I don't want to worry. My boyfriend too, whom lives back home, also does not need to hear about this all the time. I'm sorry, but I guess I just needed someone to talk too, I am scared.

tmv

April 17, 2005
9:19 pm
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I am sorry, I only could read some of the post. The olong ones with no paragraph breaks hurt my eyes.

In dealing with the sheriff's dept, I would suggest contacting your state Attorney General's office. They may even have an office or department that deals with those kind of things. Or contacting the FBI or Federal Atty General's office. Just to talk.

As far as suing them, which I don't think you even mentioned but I am going there anyway, usually there must be some kind of injury or death involved for a private attorney to even consider taking the case. It is a clear-cut case of negligence on the part of the law enforcement community where you live. However, it is mainly the state level that really takes those kind of cases very seriously.

I would suggest taking handgun lessons and purchasing one for your protection, if your state allows. POs are worthless. They only really come into play for placing blame after the fact. A peice of paper is not going to protect you, nor are the police. Believe it or not, it is not their job. Tht has been proven over and over in state, federal and even the US Supreme Court.

But If you can't do that, I would suggest that you move away. Disappear and start over. It shouldn't be that way, but that is the way it works in the real world. For your own safety, I would suggest leaving the state and starting new somewhere else. That's scary too, but so much better than the alternative.

Just some thoughts.

Gully

April 17, 2005
9:29 pm
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CODA_Mom
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tmv,

I am sooo glad that you were able to talk about what has happened to you. Please do not apologize for telling all that you did, I sensed that there was more after your first post.

What you have described in your ex is the profile of a classic abuser. Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde personality that everyone else finds hard to believe could be anything but charming.

It is good that you are not with this person any longer, but it is so unfortunate that you had to be re-victimized by the DA's office. Are you still waiting to go to trial to testify against him?

Do you have a woman's shelter near you? I am very familiar with small-town stuff and how incompetent prosecutors can be, this is why it would be good if you had an advocate working on your behalf. Normally, these shelters provide such a person as well as a safe home.

You mentioned that your family and boyfriend are "back home". Do you plan to move back there soon? It would be good for you to have the security of knowing that family is nearby.

You will get thru this, tmv, one day at a time. Please do take steps to protect yourself in the meantime. I will be praying for you, for your safety and protection.

Post anytime you need to vent, there are many others here who have been in abusive situations and have come out of them as survivors...you are a survivor, too, because you had the courage to say, "enough!!"

(((((HUGS))))),
CM

April 17, 2005
9:59 pm
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tmv1109
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Thank you so much, I am so upset tonight, but it helps to be able to talk about it. I need to be near my family, but I don't feel I can really tell anyone just in case. (I hope that makes sense) I'm sorry the paragraph was so very long, and the misspelled words, I apologize, I get to typing as if I were talking and I don't pay attention sometimes!

We have not yet gone to trial yet for the charges. The DA told me that if he pleads quilty, we won't have to, and I won't hear anything from them again. But if he pleads innocent, we will have to go to trial but that it wouldn't be for 4 to 5 months down the road. That was back in September. Does that sound right to you? I ask her if she could please contact me to let me know if he does plead quilty so that I am not walking around on egg-shells waiting for the letter to come in, and she said she would "try", meaning no. I did call on Feb. 2, the day after that women called me, but my calls were never returned, the only thing I found out was that the case had been switched to someone else, but they would not tell me the status. Does this sound right to you? I don't think it does, but I am half torn between having to go through with this and seeing him again, and fighting for what is right. I know he will end up in jail again for something, perhaps drugs again, and as long as he stays away, that's all I care about. But there is this part of me that wants to fight for what is right and not just walk away, but then the fear is there too. I just don't know. I don't understand too, why the state of GA did not do something. They told me he had new charges and would be in contact with me to possibly testify. That was back in August, and I have heard nothing since the last email. They gave me all his info, such as his tracking number, his PO's name and number, etc. The supervisor and head of the PO in that county were aware of the situation. I just don't understand why he gets away with such things when he is a danger to women and society.

Thank you for listening, it really helps, and thank you for telling me it's OK, sometimes, I think it's not, so thank you so very much.

tmv

April 17, 2005
11:09 pm
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tmv,

I am confused. You said you need to be near your family and also that you have extended family where you are now that you don't trust. Your family should be a major support system for you. I hope that you get somewhere safe soon! I am so sorry for all that you have gone thru.

tiny

April 17, 2005
11:16 pm
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tinydancer123
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tmv,

Sorry for the dual post, but I was just thinking about you and was wondering why you can't relocate now? If your safety is at risk you need to make a move ASAP.

Tiny

April 18, 2005
8:02 am
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tmv1109
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Hi tinydancer,
Nice to hear from you. I'm sorry about the confusion, my mother's side of the family is here, and I never really knew them until I moved here. They are nice, but not very supportive and don't want to talk about what happened and a few think he is not going to do anything and to just not even worry about that. My family, mother, brothers and sister are back home in another state. It's a money issue on why I am still here, as well as the fact I work at a school and I was wanting to finish the year with my students. It has been hard staying, my brother months ago said he would send me money because I needed to come home "yesturday", but I declined because I started to think I would be OK for a few more months. I now wish I would have taken him up on it, and I don't want to ask him either. Money is tight back home, and I know it would be alot for them to all get together and come up with the money. I am looking at $1500 to move, not just a plane ticket.

Thank you for posting, it means alot to be able to come on here and talk to someone about this. Thank you.

tmv

April 18, 2005
8:52 am
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Hey tinydancer,

You are right, a family "should" be a person's major support system. In a perfect world they would be, but it has been my own experience as well as many others that it just isn't the case.

tmv -

What you described is really typical concerning the justice system, especially within small towns. My guess is that he is waiting up on the Superior Court judge for plea bargaining. Many times, in small towns, there is a judge who rotates among several different jurisdictions. During plea bargaining before the DA, the defendant has to plead guilty or not guilty. If they plead "guilty", they are then given a sentence. If they plead "not guilty" the case goes to trial, which could take months.

So, what you have been told by the DA is probably right, unfortunately. In the meantime, since he is "at large" and not in jail you will need to take steps to protect yourself.

If you choose to stay where you are, please check with a local woman's shelter. Also, Gully recommended that you purchase a handgun and take lessons on how to use it. I am going to start a thread to ask him questions on this, so you might want to follow that one. Pepper spray, window alarms (can be purchased at Walmart), a doberman :), whatever it takes.

Hang in there, hang tough, girl. I will be praying for you.

Hugs,
CM

April 18, 2005
11:34 am
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Thank you CM,
Your post made me want to cry, thank you for it and for your prayers. I have thought of a hand gun, but I am scared of them too! I have thought about taking self defense courses too, but, well, I am scared to go anywhere. Sounds so stupid and I can't believe it is me who is saying it. But it is the truth, I am scared. I don't go anywhere but to work and sometimes Walmart on a Saturday morning and sometimes to the local gym. I have been so scared, that I was scared to come out of my room. That's sounds so weird, and strange, and I am embarrassed to admit that to anyone, but it is the truth. Moving is a way I know I will be able to breathe again. The chances of him coming there is next to none, and I know that, so that is what helps me get through the day. But I also was told that if I move, I need to contact the DA department, which I am concerned they will let him know where I am living if we go to trial. Then I think maybe I can just run and never look back, but I am not sure if I am suppose to go to court and I don't show, if I will get in trouble with the law. What a cycle.

I will watch for your thread about hand guns, and think about it. Thank you for responding again, it really does help....:)

tmv

April 18, 2005
11:43 am
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tinydancer123
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tmv,

Even tho they are not supportive maybe you could move in with your family here untill you leave. Surely they would understand that you are scared and need somewhere to hideout. How did you end up where you are in the first place? I hate that you moved away from your "good" family and found out that the other family was not so good. Family should be there to see you thru the rough spots. I have had a couple of experiences that I needed some help with situations and even aunts and uncles stepped up and helped out so much. I am blessed with a very generous family I have a hard time understanding if others are not.

April 18, 2005
1:09 pm
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tmv1109
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HI Tiny Dancer,
Wow, sounds like a wonderful family you have, you are very lucky. I came here because I was in need of work, and I always loved this state, and my family here told me to come on down and stay with them. I did, and for the entire time, they were wonderful. They made me feel right at home and they loved my ex. My ex and I were never married, but we had plans too, and I was always with him, whether at his place or ours. After everything happened with my ex, my family told me to just stay there and not to worry about finding a place. When I rekindled an old romance with my current boyfriend and finally told my family here that I would be returning home, they were not happy. Actually, just my aunt, who I live with. It was almost as if she said, "Fine, if your going to go, go now then", I tried to explain to her that it is out of fear, and that I miss being home, and that my boyfriend was there. Her and my other uncle's response was "Oh, he is not going to do anything to you", and assumed among themselves that my current boyfriend has been pressuring me to come home. It seems that maybe they don't understand that "there home" is not everybody's home. My aunt has made comments about my home and how she would never live there, people there don't have any money and are too poor. I don't say anything to her about anything regarding my ex, I just keep it to myself. She is making it very clear to me now that she does not want me there. She won't say anything, but she will leave little notes around everywhere, and if I am talking to my boyfriend on the phone, which is the only person I really talk to here, she picks up the phone and says, "Hey ____, I need to use the phone" and slams the phone down. She never says hi to him when he calls and suggested I get a UHaul when he came to visit and get everything together, but to make sure everything was cleaned when I left.(which by the way, it always is) She also told me she and my uncle would not be able to help me with the move because "this is a really busy time for us". With what, I don't know. He owns a business, and she stays at home. I think it was more of, "if your going, go, but don't expect any help from me". Which was funny, because I never asked her for any help, she just assumed. My uncle however, has said he could help and said my boyfriend and I don't need to do it alone, he and my other uncle can help. I thought that was nice, and i know he doesn't know about the things she has been doing.

Anyways, I have a small family here, and my aunt has told her brother, my uncle, that my boyfriend must be pressuring me to come home, (And I say this, because he has made the exact same comments to me as she has), and it is unfortunate, because my boyfriend is such a good person and so wonderful, and yet she won't give him the time of day because of whatever reason. I guess that's aggrivating because they all loved my ex, who was violent, but certaninly of course, not in front of them. They would call to chat and laugh and treated him like family. And I would mention things to her when he started doing things and she would say, "Hmm, that's weird", but was always so good to him.

Anyways, that the situation. I don't make enough money to up and leave right now, that's why I have to wait until June, because I am saving and by June I will have enough. But of course, when I get there, I worry if I will make enough to have my own place. What a mess. I'm sorry, again, I am rambeling, but like I said, I don't really feel I can talk to anyone about it. Thank you for listening and I apologize for rambeling.

tmv

April 18, 2005
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tmv, from prior experience with this sort of thing, you need to leave ASAP. Let your "good" family do this for you. That is what families are for. Have you told them what is going on day-to-day? It sounds like either your aunt is the biggest B in the world and/or you have worn out your welcome big time. I assume that when all of this was going on with your ex they/she knew at least some of it? Did you handle all of that on your own? How was your family where you are now to you when all of turmoil was going on? How long have you lived with them?

tiny

April 18, 2005
5:46 pm
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I have lived with them for the entire time I was here, which is about year and half. They were wonderful, to the best they could be, I quess I should say my aunt was 100% behind me and was wonderful through everything and went with me to court, the police, the hospital, everything. My uncle on the other hand thought I made the biggest mistake going to the police. He was not happy with that choice and said I knew he was violent and chose to stay with him. He said now he had to worry about him coming into his house and killing him and his family. (This was all said when my aunt was not around because she would have killed him!) But now, since I said I would be going back home in June, she has completely back away from me. My uncle has been very supportive and when that women called me on Feb. 1, my uncle was supportive, where my aunt simply said "Hmm, that's weird, well, I still don't think he is going to do anything". I quess the fact that she called on the very first day my PO ended, I quess my aunt didn't see any concern in that, where I did.
They don't know how everyday is hard for me, and I don't mention it because they have already stated, or my aunt had already stated how she felt about him and that she feels he isn't going to do anything because "he's nothing but a wimp."

As for my family back home, no, they don't know how everyday is either, and I don't say because I don't want my mother to worry to death, and I know my one brother is struggling financially with a new baby and a stay at home mom. My mother too is also struggeling, to the point where her fridge is empty most of the time. My aunt has really backed off, to the point where she isn't interested in my neice or nephew who are newborns, and asks nothing about everyone back home, which is her sister (my mom) and my family. My mom and her were pretty close, but she too came here to try and make a go of it, and after 2 months, she decided it wasn't for her, and since then, my aunt has not been the same with her. I never really thought my mom was right about that when she use to say that my aunt was mad at her for leaving, but now I definately believe her, because that is how she is with me. I have always been respectful, quiet, cleaned-up, babysat, whatever I could do with to show my appreciation for letting me stay with them. But as soon as I told her I was going, she became distant and some what rude and mean. I know if I were to say something to her, she would deny it or say "What?!", so I don't even bother. I am very anxious to get home for many reasons.

April 18, 2005
9:38 pm
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I sure feel for you and it sounds like you have been thru it. I think you should talk to your aunt and find out what is bugging her. You deserve to know what is going on. I assume you are a grown adult and take care of yourself financially. If you have been contributing to the household chores and finances (an extra person does cost plenty), there has to be something else going on. Maybe she she sees leaving as a rejection. In any case, I know from experience that it is important to keep the communication lines open. I can only pray that this doesn't cause long term family problems for you. Family is so important. In any case, working that out should make your day-to-day easier where you are now till you can leave. Sounds like they/she have been supportive in the past and probly only want the best for you. Use that to your advantage. You mentioned that you have a boyfriend "back home". When did he come into the picture, after your problems with the ex?

Anyhow, sweetie, I am praying for you. You have had it rough.

Tiny

April 18, 2005
11:26 pm
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Tmv,

Right now I am incapable of truly understanding this post (I am very tired and sick to boot) .. I am concerned... I will be here tomorrow. I apologise for not being here when you needed me. I care about you, and I will try my best to help you.

You hang in there, my friend!!

Much Love and hugs,

Sunny

April 19, 2005
8:31 am
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Hi TMV,

I just logged on for the first time in close to a month - and was surprised to see my name.

I'm sorry this is happening to you again. I'm going to print this out and give it to my husband to read.

Correct me if I'm wrong - but, you live in Garland and then this guy is in Rowlett right? If so, my husband and one of the higher ranking sheriff's in Rowlett are friends, and he is good friends with the SWAT Captain in Garland - perhaps he can speak to them and see what is what and also maybe get "the good ol' boy network" to work for you for a change. I can't promise anything, it is going to depend on where all of this is happening and if TJ and Dave are actually able to legally do anything.

However, in the meantime? My suggestion is this - flat out do NOT be so trusting. If anyone, and I mean anyone, (short of a cop at the door showing you his badge, and then you call and verify it at that) calls you, approaches you in person, writes you, smoke signals you, whatever and brings up anything about this character - even if it's "I'm calling to warn you, or thought you should know, or I need to know because he is now doing this to me" - HANG UP THE PHONE.

Be safe.

Z.

April 19, 2005
10:47 am
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Hi ladies!
Thank you for posting. Zinny, I live in Rowlett, my ex is in, or was in, Kaufamn County, a small town called College Mound. It has been handled through the sheriff's department in Kaufman. However, my ex doesn't seem to stay in one place for very long, he moves quite a bit, Lived in Mesquite then moved to Van Zandt county prior to meeting me and then moved to College Mound in Kaufman County. He always told me he had friends from the sheriff's department who would come in and see him on Friday and Saturday nights and he would give them free rides on the mechanical bull. There are at least 5 cop cars who sit outside the door of the bar he works/worked at, so they do know him I'm sure.

Tinydancer, my boyfriend lives back home and we have been best friends for the past 6 years. We had a falling out a year ago when I was with my ex, and after a time when by he emailed me to see how I was. At that time, my ex and I had been over for about a month. I asked if I could call him to talk and he said of course. I did tell him and he was very supportive. When I went for a visit back in November, things started back up. He had told me when I opened the door he "just knew" something was different. He says he loves me and always has, and I believe him. He is wonderful, and I have been very blessed to have him. He is however, back home.

Sunny, sorry your not feeling well! Hope your feeling better soon! Colds and Allergies are everywhere right now, hope your feeling better soon. Sorry it was hard to read my post. I get to talking or I should say typing, and I forget to put in breaks. Sometimes, I do put in breaks, but they don't show when I finally post. Hope your doing well, Zinny, you too, miss you all...

tmv

April 19, 2005
9:28 pm
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Hi Sweetie!

It is good to hear from you! I think you have gotten some great advice already and believe me, I know what fear feels like. I can't believe *HE* is still a pain in the arse (actually I can) but I think you know what to do to keep yourself safe right? I worry about you and think about you all the time. Kaufman Cty is notorious as we have discussed before with the meth labs, crooked cops, etc... For that matter, most of NE TX is the same. I am in OK right now, but in constant contact with friends there. I'm doing ok, just dealing with my own health problems. You take care and be safe and know we are here for you!!!

Much Love,

Sunny

April 19, 2005
11:56 pm
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Wow, I know people that live in the area you are talking about and they absolutely love it. No problems at all. They have raised a bunch of kids there and all are doing great. I have had nothing but the best experiences there myself. Where do these people hide out?

April 20, 2005
12:31 pm
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Hi Tinydancer,
I'm happy you were lucky to have a positive experience out there, it is indeed a beautiful place and I had every intention on moving out there until odd things began happening.

I can't say exactly where these people are located, but they are scattered around. It is well known among people with criminal records, out East is one of the best places to go, because it is so spread out. My experience out there with the people I knew, was not a good one, which was hard because I felt like I had been lied to. They were so very nice, and dressed well and looked good. Excellent manners. It wasn't until things started happening with my ex that I started to notice things, how people turn there back on violence against women and the selling and making of drugs, because that is something that is VERY common out there and people have become use to it. The officer I first met with in the city of Kaufmann was wonderful. I thought I had just got mixed up with the wrong person, and he told me "It is beautiful out here, and my wife and I were looking to move here, but when we found out the kind of people who live out here, we changed our minds". East Texas is beautiful and my dream idea visually of where I would love to live. But I won't live in fear of who my neighbors really are. My ex lived on a beautiful country road, with lots of cattle and horses. The neighbors were so nice and friendly and made you feel welcome. It wasn't until the officer told me the street my ex lived on has two meth labs that they know about. He also told me if I had been stopped by the police and these people had drugs on them, which he said he is sure that they do, I would have went to jail and it wouldn't have mattered if I knew about it or not.

One of the hardest things I have learned to deal with is the fact that I don't know who to trust. These people were so nice, made me feel like family and I always thought I would be safe, until my ex started to become violent. But he truth of the matter is, they are not as nice as I thought they were. My ex and his roommate where not only doing drugs and both had a record, they also were liars and covering for each other. I had no idea of who I was dealing with, that is the hardest part. The Kaufman Sheriff's department unfortunately has been on the news many times for not following through on things such as serious crimes. Know why? The seargent in charge of my case said "We have to do things in priority out here", know why? Because the domestic violence and drug use/making is one of the highest in the state. And the sheriff's department is indeed crooked. Believe me. I always thought that was for TV and that stuff couldn't possibly happen in the real world! But trust me, it does. There is no way I would let someone keep me away from a place as beautiful as East Texas, but the truth of the matter is, it is a different world out there, and anything goes. Or maybe perhaps it is just he cowboy world. That's what I was dealing with, Professional Bull/Bronc Riders. My ex had told me that drugs are everywhere in the rodeo because they have to get from one show to the next in a day, from the south to the north, from the east to the west, and cocaine/crack is big because they need to stay awake. When I asked him if he ever did, he said "Honey, I did a couple times when I was 18 and didn't know better!". But he was telling me what I wanted to hear. I would never have talked to him if I knew he was an addict.

April 20, 2005
6:08 pm
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Hi Tiny and TMV,

I could have probably worded that better. It's like everything else, there is good and bad everywhere. I love E Tx too, esp Rockwall and further E. But I too have had my share of problems with certain areas and certain people. Thats not to say everyone and everything is bad, but it has gotten alot worse in the 30 years I have been around that whole area. I'm sure just about every state has problem areas as well.

Hugs,

Sunny

April 21, 2005
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Hi TMV,

Just a quick note to let you know that I have not forgotten you. Hubby has been tied up with some issues at work, and I has not had a chance to look into this (sorry), but he will be home early tomorrow (Thursday) night. I will give him all of this information and see what he can tell us.

Again, be safe. East Texas is as is the rest of the world right now, you just have to learn to be careful and safe.

Z.

April 21, 2005
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Yes, you girls are so right. Sunny, you definately worded it much better than I! I just never had to deal with that before, never knew anyone who was an addict and I never knew anyone with a record or had been lied to so badly before. I quess for me, it's just odd because the people I do know that live out there, were doing or selling drugs. And you would never know it by looking at them, they didn't have some kind of look to them that I would think they would have. People I do know from around here too know people or have a family member who lives out there who too sells or does drugs. Then the problems I had with the law and DA. For me, as beautiful as it is, I would be much to scarred to be out there. And that does go for anywhere lately, but especially out that way. I quess it is just me and my experiences that have led to my opinion. There is no denying however, that it is beautiful and I am looking for a place that "looks" like it does, a quess something new where I don't know the bad parts about it. Sorry if I had offended anyone, that was not my intention!

tmv

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