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Compulsive Spending
February 11, 2004
7:03 pm
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gussie
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I've been married 39 years to a compulsive spender who has gone bankrupt once, refinanced the house 3 times and is now in debt all over again. He loves to buy and use his credit cards. He doesn't care whether I like it or not. I don't matter. He can't help himself. Almost everyday boxex come delivered to the house. He doesn't even need to go to the store anymore, since he can buy everything he wants from the internet. He is a model railroad enthusiat and has more trains than NJ transit. Well I am very unhappy and have stayed with him all these years. I am really sick of it. I literally get sick when I see more boxes. He is like a drunk, but he never passes out. I don't really want to live this life any more. Always in debt, no savings, jeopardy of bankrupcy or refinancing and taking the equity out of the house til there is none left. I am not that young anymore, so it is even harder. I really don't respect him anymore.

February 11, 2004
7:20 pm
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Hoopla
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Funny I was having a conversation today with someone in a similar situation. Thing about money issues is that it affects your whole being and can't easily be wiped away. As long as your married, his debt and credit issues are very likely yours too.

If he's agreeable to ANY kind of help at all, seek it out. Otherwise, is it possible for the two of you to completely separate your finances and expenses? You all can sign a waiver of _____ (I'll think of the word for it), but it basically says you all operate independently when it comes to finances even though you are married.

Should there be issues with creditors, etc. this document would help establish a case for you and could potentially keep you from suffering for his bad judgement with money. Talk to a lawyer.

February 11, 2004
7:50 pm
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gingerleigh
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Are your names on the credit cards as well? Can you get a spending cap put on them?

February 11, 2004
9:20 pm
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Zinnie
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Gussie,

Does he realize he has a problem?

February 13, 2004
5:51 pm
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gussie
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Yes, he does realize he has a problem, and goes for counseling a couple of times and then quits. I guess because I never leave, he feels things will always be the same.
I am a codependent and that is why nothing ever changes. I am thinking of seeing a lawyer in case we have to go bankrupt and also to see if I can separate my finances from his. I want to be close to him and sometimes I am, but when he starts with the compulsive spending and buying then I start to hate and resent him. Its really bad for both of us.

February 17, 2004
12:35 pm
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bigcat
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I was married to a compulsive spender and finally got out. Life is too short! Separate your finances: separate bank accounts, checking accounts, credit cards. And no "signing privileges" on your acounts for him, or your credit will be infected by his behavior. It sounds like he'll never stop. So if it bothers you that much, make a change.

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