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Complete lack of feeling, I'm switched to "off"
November 30, 2001
12:45 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hello all,

I hope that everyone is well, and that the holidays are bringing some joy to each and every one of us at least in some small way.

I've got a problem, and I'm really not sure what to do with it. Don't we all, right? *grin* I've worked through some hard things over the last few months, including rounds of layoffs at my company (through which I survived), working insane hours (like as in not sleeping for 3 days over a weekend while putting in a new IT system at my company), my boyfriend getting fired immediately after that installation, Thanksgiving meeting the boyfriend's family for the first time... and through all of this I've remained stable and steady, like a rock, been told at work what a fantastic job I'm doing by both coworkers and executives. I've been extremely supportive of my boyfriend as he goes through the predicted bouts of depression and anger over the loss of his job, met his family and of course they adored me and I got on quite well with them. I'm even playing a few Christmas concerts with some local groups, trying to get into the holiday spirit. Smile, smile, smile...

Earlier this week, my boyfriend pulled out of his depressive state and started acting much more like his old self. He's surfing for jobs, making contacts, getting back into projects that had been left by the wayside during the crazy times at work at his old job, and is doing wonderfully. I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.... and then.... plummeted. For the last few days, I've been tired all the time, and it's been nearly impossible to get out of bed. I can't convince myself to go to the gym. I'm not even looking forward to cutting a Christmas tree, and I dread going to rehearsal (which usually I love). Work is even worse. I'm completely apathetic, I feel like I'm dropping the ball on everything and don't really care.

This isn't how I usually am. Anyone got any suggestions on how to jump start myself out of this funk? It's an awful feeling. I have everything in the world to be thankful for, and it's not like I want *more*, or that I'm not appreciative, but it's like all I want is to be left alone. But 'tis the season for togetherness and love, right?

Anyone got any suggestions for attitude adjustment for this Grinch?

November 30, 2001
1:04 pm
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Molly
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Damn ginger, I think its the latest flu. I don't know if the 9-11 thing has much to do with it, compounded with the recession, or just what , but girlfriend your not alone. Maybe its all just to much. I too am in a funk, don't want to go shopping, don't want to do much of anything, and the world is closing in on me, that anxiety of you better do something. I am so disgusted trying on dresses for a black tie thing that I am supposed to go to, like I need to spend money on a dress I'll wear once, to see people that I have been avoiding for the last 2 months, its a business party, where we have to rent a room in Palm Springs to go to, and I can't get excited about it, hell I really can't get excited about much. I am thoroughly pissed that 3 x1.5 hours of yoga, and regular 1 mile walks have not affected my weight, dress size, or back fat. In fact these boobs seem to get fatter, and flatter. My resumes have not generated a call back, and the jobs out there are getting fewer and fewer. My daughters pulled a boner for Thanksgiving, and I don't even want to talk to them, and on top of all else with Sybil, who has been stable, followed up on my intuition this morning and discovered he has been communicating with the girlfriend he had while we were seperated. Although I passed that teachers test, my degrees, are not from an accredited college, which screws me from teaching or going for a license in social work. I guess you could say, my limbo my off switch, has gone from wanting to put on my nikes, and drink kool-aid, and starting up a non-profit for women helping women. I need a spart to light my fire,and have wet matches every where, or the lighter is out. What do you want for 99 cents any how. We are missing passion, what I would give for that zing. Of course you could have pms, and my hormones are off ? Maybe we just need a good drunk, with naked dancing men, shooting corks off that balcony of yours aiming for people. I feel like wheezer in steel magnolias, I am not crazy I am just angry, married two of the biggest fools on the earth, and have the most ungrateful kids, but my dog, is a lover. No clues, but misery hmmmmmmm loves company. You can laugh there are no sharp objects in reach.

November 30, 2001
1:20 pm
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Ladeska
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I hear ya Molly....not in the spirit either.... But, as far as the jump start thing Ginger - all I can say is - one thing that may be happening to you is....when you have gone through a stressful time it seems that at least I do this - I have a delayed reaction to it all which is usually about two to three weeks later...then whiplash smacks me in the head. I may come through everything with flying colors and be quite the performer, the strong one, etc., etc. but guess what? What goes in - must come out..... And it will - at some point.

I never really acknowledged this phenomena in me until the last few years and it's been right on cue every time. Depending on how stressful the situation was and depending on the duration - my down time was equivalent to all that.

Isn't unreasonable, it's just two plus two. We aren't super human beings. We are however - vulnerable human beings and while we may perform very well on adrenaline - the downer side of that is a bummer when we come down from that high of performance and endurance.

So, my advice to you is - recognize this....and be kind to yourself. The squirrels are tired of the treadmill and it's okay....they need to rest their bushy little tails - Christmas or not. You run out of steam - when you run out of steam and "it's okay"....

Do what you have to do in order to maintain a structure of normal. Go and do what is absolutely minimal and then just make the rest of the time "your time" to do what is relaxing even if it is just zoning or sleeping. That's okay, too. Christmas time is always such a pretentious time of - we have to be UP and perform in the Holiday Fashion of what the hell ever! I don't think so. Haven't thought so for years.

Throw yourself a Grinch party and invite people to it. Bag on Santa, on the whole pretense thing. Tell everyone to come ready to be moody, to be dark and foreboding and that no one is allowed to be Christmasy, just really be expressive and creative with how you can demolish Christmas - just as an outlet for all this b.s. that we get caught up in. Might be quite fun!

November 30, 2001
1:30 pm
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Molly
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We can have it at my house. Hell, that is another thing, those people that came from my womb said that they would come for Christmas eve, so I told Sybil I would have the family dinner, got cornered at his sisters and his mom asked what was up for the holidays, she invited her self, and thus his 8 brothers and sisters families will be there, and then much to my surprise, daily he is adding guests that are not family, so this shin dig has gone from 10 people, that right now I don't have much use for to 50 people, that I don't have much use for, ugh do you think 3 jars of peanut butter, and say four loves a bread will work? Just toss the plastic knives out on the table with napkins, and paper cups on the water cooler? 5pm damn casual dress

November 30, 2001
2:06 pm
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Ladeska
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Oh Good God, Molly! Can't you call this thing off? This is the last thing you need to be doing and you know it. Don't do this!!! The peanut butter thing I think is perfect. You just need to back out of it or at least be in control of who's coming. I'd just back out if I were you, just say not up to it and that's all you need to say. Isn't anyone's damned business as to why and especially not Sybil. Been consulting with little gf now has he? Ain't that special?

November 30, 2001
2:37 pm
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Molly
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ya know just gotta run with those instincts, and the poor boy, just spilled the beans, and then realized the tangled web he was spinning, and of course it was just work related. Sounded like porky pig, ugh ugh duh duh, and what really messed him up, which was fun, was the fact that I said, where are you going with this conversation? I asked a question, you answered it, whats with all the defense? How do you want your eggs today, didn't even offer anthrax. When you don't react the way they think you are, it trips them up, he is gonna be paranoid all weekend, šŸ™‚ Like I really care.
I ain't gonna move till I have a job, call me stupid, but it aint all that bad, I fix eggs in the morning, and dinner at night, I have my own little world inbetween, I really should clean the house a little more, maybe tommorow. Nope taking a class tommorow, and Sunday.
The dinner thing really doesn't bother me, its another place to hide, and with all the family there, and all the Holiday cheer gag me, please, it will be better with more people here, more room to hide. That way won't have to deal with emotions, or conversation. But still am not going to knock my self out the way I once would have, day old bakery for Webers, and generic blue label no crunch peanut butter, wouldn't you just love to see the experssion on their faces expecting the usual spread that I once cooked 2 days for? sorry folks just water, little dixie cups, with a felt pen to write their name on, and after about an hour into it, take Jonzer for a long walk, or opps gotta get to church, ugh ....... And I could have on my bathrobe, and wooley socks maybe a few carefully placed rollers, or a bottle of tequila with my own straw, just sit on the couch with the tv on, and my own very carefully protected bag of chips, ya know this is fun.

November 30, 2001
2:43 pm
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Ladeska
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I like that, like it alot, ya ain't got balls if you don't do it!!! (smile) Here I go again with that one, huh? Is fun to think about though.....I know I sure had fantasies like that when I lived back with the Fam on the east coast. Gag. But, the only consolation is I deeply realize that they despised me as much as I despised their bullshit. So, it was rather balanced in that respect. Don't miss it, but I do understand the hiding within the crowd thing. Smile and nod and just blend in.

November 30, 2001
2:44 pm
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Molly
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Oh, and I'm not gonna pick up the dog poop for at least two weeks before hand. They will have to go out on the patio. I am sure to think of more.

November 30, 2001
3:00 pm
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artist
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Molly,
It's time to run a scam. First , let me ask, do you like any of these people and do you care about their opinion of you? If you don't like them and you don't care what they think or better yet you REALLY want to P-- them off, maybe this will give you some ideas. First, you ARE going to have this shindig.

First, get the largest container of peanut butter you can, 2 or 3 packs of cherry kool aid and several loaves of Wonder Bread(cut the crusts off if you in any way feel bad about doing any of the following--that is DEFINITELY penance). Make umpteen zillion peanut butter(no jelly) sandwiches and cut them in quarters.

Clear a large table and cover with a disposable picnic table cloth. Arrange your sandwich quarters on several large Hefty paper plates(using brand names shows that you care) and then make the two packs of Kool Aid without sugar in an old (clean) milk jug and set on the table (do not refrigerate!!!--THIS IS IMPORTANT).

Pack a small suitcase with what you'd need for an overnight stay and stash it so you can grab it fairly quickly after your guests arrive. Dress as you choose for your comfort (oh, you must call all your uninvited but expected guests a few days prior to their arrival and tell them you want them to dress up for the holidays because you are preparing a knock out of a sit down dinner and formal attire is required).

Put the critters in the critter sitter or with friends the day before and if anyone questions you say that with all the people coming that they will be in the way.

Register NOW for a nice stay in a hotel for that night(use the money you would have to have spent on dinner had you cooked).

Schedule their arrival for the most inconvenient time possible for them and make some excuse if someone complains(like some elderly relative can't get there until then and you wouldn't want to start without them.

AND THEN--when the first guest arrives tell them that you are so sorry(be sweet here--sickeningly so) but something has come up and you have had to make arrangements to leave(for X--make it some unavoidable and expensive emergency) and all you could scrape up was this.

AND then walk out the door--get in your car and hasta la-bye-bye unwanted guests.

OF course once they get a look at what you left them they won't believe your story--but you won't have to deal with that until later. Maybe some will get the idea that they can't treat you like that any more.

Take care of you.

Artist:)

November 30, 2001
3:46 pm
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Ladeska
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Better yet, I think she should invite all of US to this little affair....now then.....wouldn't THAT be justice! Hey Molls, I'm not doin' anything, count me in! I LOVE to create heartache and discontent where it's sooo warranted!!!

November 30, 2001
3:59 pm
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Molly
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Artist, that is a really good idea, and would work with most of the people that I would invite, but the majority of folk that are comming would say kewl, she didn't make any of that wierd shit she usually does, like who the hell eats goat cheese.
My sis would pee her pants laughing her ass off, and brag about my hairy balls, they will ask what the hell all the white stuff is in the jello that she is supposed to bring, and most likely scrape it all off their plate, ugh ugh fingers... I am not putting plates out. My daughters would say knew it, hang with these people you become one of them, that is if they do show up, and as far as them missing me, would just be a fleeting moment, would be much more fun to be like some of them have been in the bathrobe and socks infront of the TV. That is if they actually have the motivation to get dressed and drive over here. (his family) A few of the friends that he invited, I don't mind much, they are products of divorce, and don't have anywhere else to hang on Christmas eve

November 30, 2001
4:02 pm
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Molly
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consider your self here, bring a few packets of jam, we will sit in our bathrobes together,I will get another straw for you. do you have any great videos to bring? Can you fart real loud, or whop up a couple of those wall ratteling belches? Hey, think Blondie wants to come too, I bet she could really help me out!!!! Gosh, and some of her ex family members, its a party folks.

November 30, 2001
4:05 pm
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Ladeska
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You'd pee yourself if we really came...don't tempt us like this, you never know....what we will do! I'm not that far from you so you could get your wish. And you could go ahead and put on your little dinner, I can work a room and drop little bombs here and there...trust me - I can do some great damage and not get a speck of debrii on either one of us!

November 30, 2001
4:51 pm
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Molly
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Ya know talk about entertainment, you would have soooooooooo much fun with Sybil. We should alert the media.

November 30, 2001
4:54 pm
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Ladeska
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I shudder to think of what might could transpire here. I think I would enjoy it just a wee bit too much. Not real fond of him as far as you're concerned my dear. But, it would be press worthy...that's a for sure.

November 30, 2001
5:44 pm
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gingerleigh
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I already tried sticking my tongue in the light socket, but there were three coworkers in the way who were already trying to electrocute themselves after this last round of layoffs *smirk* Thanks for the laugh Blondie, I sure needed it! *smile*

Thanks Molly, Ladeska, and Artist for making me feel not alone.

Now Molly, what the hell is up with this dinner thing? Tell everyone it's a pot luck and they can just bring their own damn PB&J quartered sammaches with the crusts cut off. The only thing you need to buy is a heavy duty straw and a bottle of Petrone Silver for your tequila sipping. If you're gonna do it, do it top shelf.

*giggle* I wonder... if we got a remote controlled energizer bunny and jammed it up Sybil's ass while he slept, and then turned it on right in the middle of the party... would be hop around? Keeps going, and going, and going....

November 30, 2001
6:11 pm
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Ladeska
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OMG, just the vision of all this is almost too much!!! We'd definitely be arrested at some point, no boutadout it. We're bad, we are sooo bad, evil even. BUT, hey, maybe we could go down in history as cult heroes or somethin'!

November 30, 2001
6:24 pm
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Molly
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Ya know in a heart beat, I know of courst I would need to get a bus, but I could get my old caseload from the clinic and all their kids, and maybe hell the entire census, Sybil would with that lil energizer bunny up his ass, be doing some sort of two step!!
then I could envite all the Real Estate prisses, and they would really be able to co-sign Sibil's other side in what he has to put up with. Ya know we gotta get Alena in on this too. hell, perhaps lets take it to the culdesac, light a bon fire. Nah-- no room for the press.
You guys really made me laugh today, too much fun. this could be another one of those sit coms. the party planners.

November 30, 2001
6:28 pm
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Ladeska
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Sybil wouldn't know what to do if we all showed up. He'd flip! And...might never be the same afterwards! In fact...I don't think him being the same is possible....(smile)

I mentioned on another thread that we definitely all need to plan a "tribe" meeting this next year. I think that's just a necessity here. And history can stand on it's ear because - the "Amazons are baaa-aack!"

December 1, 2001
12:37 am
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gypsygirl
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I grew up mormon and they ex-communitaced me!LOL

December 1, 2001
8:17 pm
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Ladeska
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I've been excommunicated from just about every group, religious or otherwise that I've ever been a part of. Geez...people hate those that think for themselves don't they? I've been called satan's spawn by many. Cracks me up. One pastor here even got up in his congregation and told them I was the seven things that God hates! His church split right down the middle after that. This was all because - I had the "nerve" to do things by the book in confronting him on a few things. Did it all nicely, reverently and all that, but needless to say - it wasn't received so well. Oh darn. He got up in one of his staff meetings and told his guys that he wanted there to be not one spot on the carpet or on the windows because he wanted people to feel like they were coming to Disneyland when they walked in! (smile) I'm sure you know - how that did not - go over with me.... He had turned the whole church service into an entertainment frenzy... At any rate, I was the bad guy in that whole scenario. So, I'll be the "dark angel".....looking for vampires to slay - 'kay?

December 2, 2001
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gypsygirl
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I have this fantasy that takes place in a grave yard, if I would have thought of it last night it would have been on a night with a blue moon. that would have been unforgetable. someone told me that it was sacreligious (sp)

I want to be invited to the tribal meeting. I could bring some of my toys or how about my action figure guy? I have tarot cards also.

December 2, 2001
1:33 am
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gypsygirl
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I have a culdron;^0

December 2, 2001
8:54 am
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artist
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OK, I now see that I can't leave ya'll alone for a minute. I go home for the weekend and LOOK what happens--you start planning a tribal meeting with out me--your shoving the poor defenseless Energizer bunny up some deserving someone's butt--satan is spawning(what streams by the way--so I can fish elsewhere) and Mormons are coming out of the closet. Not to mention vampires and witches--who I dig by the way--Mormon's I'm not so sure of-- just a TAD to rigid for me.
I was raised a Catholic but I excommunicated them before they excommunicated me. I'd rather go hug trees than sit in church and I believe God speaks to me and everyone else for that matter so I just did away with the middle man. Oh, if we ever actually pull this tribal counsel meeting off, I'll make sure that I bring a camera and take group photos--I'll send the film to a friend and she'll have the film developed and copies made which she'll send all of us in prison.
Later.
Artist šŸ™‚

December 2, 2001
12:41 pm
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Molly
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Tribal counsel meeting definate must for 2002, gonna have to be in Vegas where we all will fit in,don't ya think ? and besides cheap rent and airfair right now for all the border brothers and sisters. State borders, international borders, and mental borders. šŸ™‚ Besides, the President says, we gota do it.
Sybil is assigned name, do to multiple, never know who I wake up to or who is comming home.
I am so far from Mormon, hehe, and Utah, har har har. I think the neighbors would consider it cheap entertainment, better than the car accidents at the corner, and not as exhausting as taking the kids down the street to the park, no need for a credit card, and they can just go back into their cookie cutter over mortgaged tile roofed house, when they get over stimulated or boared.
This area is so boring and controlled, I am sure we could get helicopter activity!

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