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COMMUNICATION ROLE PLAYING
September 8, 2003
4:51 pm
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Anonymous
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ok - I understand

September 8, 2003
4:52 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm really sorry guys. There is some glitching go on right now...

Probably good to hold up for a bit.

September 8, 2003
4:58 pm
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Ladeska
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Disrespectful, huh? Hm,m,m....funny how we don't see that what is done to us is "disrespectful". (smile)

And what you said wasn't being disrespectful at all really. But I'm sure that you would have been treated as if you had just committed murder or something if you had talked to her like that, huh?

September 8, 2003
4:59 pm
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Ladeska
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Okay SC...

September 8, 2003
5:08 pm
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tooscared
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I have a little bit longer - but I am worried where it is going to go from here.

September 8, 2003
5:08 pm
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Ladeska
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Take off......meaning - do more role playing. I'm ready whenever. But it is good to talk about it now and then, stop and chat sort of thing. How did you feel talking like that? Felt like a bad, bad girl, huh?

September 8, 2003
5:09 pm
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Ladeska
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Hm,m,m....where in particular would "that" be that has you sooo worried?

September 8, 2003
5:10 pm
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tooscared
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I felt like a part of me wanted to act out and scream that she wasn't being fair to me and that I need her compassion not her guilt.

September 8, 2003
5:11 pm
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Ladeska
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I have no set agenda here, just so you know. It's all by the seat of our pants here. I do that quite often. Seems to work rather well for some unknown reason. LOL!

Some things, just have a life all their own and that's the way it should be.

Ready to "play" some more?

September 8, 2003
5:12 pm
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tooscared
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fear of the unknow maybe - because I would have never ever said those things out of fear of being punished or grounded or facing their "disappointment".

September 8, 2003
5:12 pm
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Ladeska
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And uh so.........."that part of you".........now has the floor....please do proceed...the floor is ALL yours!!

September 8, 2003
5:14 pm
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tooscared
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What I said is as much as I can get out right now. I would be mad at myself for breaking down in front of her and losing my temper because it wouldn't have accomplished anything. I would have been another "disappointment in her life". You know that she still keeps telling me that kids step on your feet when they are little but they step on your heart when they grow older.

September 8, 2003
5:15 pm
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Ladeska
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So okay.......let it RIP here!! Go for it! No punishment or disappointment or anything like that "now"...not in this space and time.

September 8, 2003
5:17 pm
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Ladeska
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Okay......and we can turn that saying around and say the same thing about them stepping on "your heart", right?

You did good today. Are you wanting to stop right now? Or can you say a little bit more to her on here?

September 8, 2003
5:19 pm
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tooscared
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I don't know what to say right now. I feel like I answered her back in a good way, but my emotions run so deep that I would have been angry or upset if I had let my true feelings out.

September 8, 2003
5:19 pm
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Ladeska
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Let me ask you something.... If I were to walk out into the street going to get you some lunch and didn't look both ways before crossing the street and got hit by a car and crippled for life - would that accident be - your fault?

September 8, 2003
5:21 pm
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tooscared
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here is a small sample :

Mom, I need you to stop being so afraid of Dad and help me out here. Can you for one second forget about how scared you are and think about your daughter? Can you stand up for me once and then let me know that you did? Mom, I need to be able to feel like you are in my corner. That you love me for me and not for my grades or for what I can do to help you.

September 8, 2003
5:24 pm
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tooscared
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I would feel guilty that you were doing something for me that caused you to get hurt. I wouldn't feel guilty for the accident but I might feel guilty for the circumstances.

September 8, 2003
5:25 pm
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Ladeska
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And where do you think that anger inside you goes when it's not let out of it's cage appropriately? Like a big black fat cat that has to find a place to lay down....don't you realize how much space all that takes up inside you? And that half of the energy that you are needing in life is being taken up by this big black fat cat sitting on everything...which keeps you from having the real energy you need in life to take "care of you"......? But instead what's going on is - you're still taking care of "her", and considering her feelings and his feelings to be of a higher importance over your own wellbeing. Maybe that was their rules...in their kingdom but - it doesn't have to be Your rules any longer..

What you release here.....has nothing to do with them, or with you are going to "get it" for doing this or that they will someone suffer horrible pain because - you take care of yourself by healing over here. I mean - one should not null and void the other one out right? Just because you are taking care of you and loving you........should not equate to mean...

you are hurting them, right?

I mean why should you loving yourself, getting better, getting healthy somehow mean that - you are a bad, bad girl and that you are worthy of some kind of punishment?

September 8, 2003
5:27 pm
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Ladeska
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Yes, yes...I know you would feel guilty....

And you are right on in what you said to your mother just now! Small example, huh? Got any more like examples like that in there anywhere?

September 8, 2003
5:31 pm
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I just know that I can't handle anger very well because it terrifies me. If I get angry then she might get angry back. then what?

September 8, 2003
5:32 pm
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Ladeska
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Remember the breaking bottles thing I suggested not to long ago....(smile)...that's "one" place we might end up going....but that's down the road a bit...

September 8, 2003
5:34 pm
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tooscared
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We can talk more later Ladeska. Thanks for being so "gentle" with me. You know me well. I hope that this will help someone else and not just me.

September 8, 2003
5:35 pm
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Ladeska
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And so..........I ask the question.........what would "then what" usually mean?

When you look at this scenario...and at the great intensity of your fear, that really brings you to your knees sometimes....makes me wonder...

what kind of punishment would make you "this afraid"...?

What is so terrifying?

September 8, 2003
5:36 pm
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Ladeska
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This isn't about anyone else right now. It's just about you. Don't focus on the audience. This is just you and me here, okay? And please take your time answering that last post...HUGS!!!! You did GREAT!!! See? I wasn't that hard on you, was I??

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