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Coming together emotionally
October 16, 2001
6:30 pm
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wallace
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I read in one on the threads that what we should head towards in a relationship is the feeling that we are moving together emotionally. With the guy I'm seeing, that's what's missing and I couldn't put my finger on it until I read it. Although he is very friendly with me, he feels a million miles away. He doesn't share things with me. Tells me nothing. We don't have this coming together feeling and that's why I feel so much on the outside. I open up to him, so maybe that's why he's not mentioned it. Any advice as why he is like this and what I can do?

October 16, 2001
6:40 pm
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Ladeska
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Why are you more concerned over "what you can do to fix this" than you are about the red flags you see waving concerning "who this man is" and how he interacts with you?

October 16, 2001
7:39 pm
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Molly
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I am feeling silly, but would you try to wear a size seven shoe, when you know your a size nine?????

October 17, 2001
12:37 pm
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ragdoll
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I agree with Molly and Ladeska... I have recently become more aware of the potential in me (especially how I've become in my last relationship) to now feel driven to places where I can fix things between people...if I let this drive go unanalyzed, I could potentially end up always being more attracted to situations that need fixing! If this is you too, realize it, and let the light of day shine on it, so you can put yourself in wonderful fullfilling places that don't need to be fixed right from the start! Do you think this could be you?

October 17, 2001
1:35 pm
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wallace
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Thanks guys.Ragdoll, this is definitely me. But its like a need, just like food or water. How have you overcome it?

October 18, 2001
9:52 am
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ragdoll
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I am just beginning...I am keeping my (inner) eyes open! I'm trying to focus on me! šŸ˜‰ I look at it as a really interesting research project, with me as the subject matter, listing to myself, understanding more what triggers these feeling, when I feel them, how I apply them, etc. It's great to finally have some more tools (awareness) to be able to do the research inside myself! I feel it's a GIFT to be able to become more aware in this way -- to be able to identify something you've been operating with inside you, pull it out, investigate it a little, and actually understand yourself better! But it's strange...and it's weird emotionally because emotions do take a while to follow suit...for now, I'm just hoping to do (& hoping that I'm ready to make a good effeort at doing) what Molly and Ladeska were talking about recently on another thread... have my HEAD lead my HEART for a while! and get myself used to operating in a more emotionally healthy way...for ME! šŸ˜‰

October 18, 2001
12:00 pm
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Ladeska
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Ragdoll....isn't it interestng though - this journey of self awareness of "Getting to Know You" kind of thing? It's wild to think that anyone would go through life without getting to know themselves intimately - but I think more of that happens - than not. And what's sad about that is - you've missed the very core of your existence here if you haven't done that. Otherwise even our spirituality is little more than a drawing we did of something someone else painted.

How can we even find God - if we don't know who "we are"? We can't and we don't. We merely pick up something someone told us and smack it on the outside of us where all the other stickers are and then go try and fit into a mold and a group somewhere so we will be accepted, affirmed and politically correct.....wow.....and all the while - we don't accept ourselves...don't even know who we are...Thus the reason for so many hypocrites in churches.

There is a kind of "Presence" that happens in a person when this really becomes a part of them - this being in tune with yourself....it's a calm, peaceful sort of thing that isn't about crazymaking, it's not about beating your own chest, not about having to have people approve of you all the time, it's not about being codependent and it's not about looking outward to see what you think or feel about anything.

When you begin a conversation with yourself and don't run from it - you just sort of start standing taller, saying less, looking people straight in the eye - seeing more than you ever saw before in yourself, in other people and in life itself. You begin a process of integrity that touches everything you do.

Having that kind of "Presence" is what draws people to you - that have that also. However, be forewarned that great good also attracts great evil. It is a great challenge for those who are illicit to attach themselves in some way to someone of true grit and fiber. They sharpen themselves on you, seeing IF they can con you, bring you down someone such as yourself and if they can - a patch or button goes on their lapel for being damned good at their deception....so never lose that little piece of information.... Just because you might feel like "you've arrived" - do know that - there are wolves about the bushes that will take you down a buttonhole or two and feel very elated that they were able to do so. A wise person - always sniffs the wind regarding others and the stink of their own ego.

As in all things - balance is the key. Not a good name for you anymore - Ragdoll.... That - you ain't anymore. It's a new day - you need a "new" name. Very proud of you, sweetie. You make me smile.

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