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College Blues
February 15, 2004
5:19 pm
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ebonyphoenix
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September 27, 2010
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Hello it's me again. I am back at school and i tried to come back with renewed spirit and focus but i can't help but feeling outof place and awkward. I am a freshman and during the firest semester i didn't really make any friends. Why? I've come to realize because basically i did not know myself or who i was for a minute. I lost my sense of being for a minute. i felt so lost and was not confident at all. i spent most of my time trying to be friends with a group of people that i knew were not really for me . at first we appeared to be on the same page and i thought that we would become good friends but i was so wrong because it turns out that these people have issues really bad with their own identity. they didn't know who they were or what they wanted and me being the punk and fool that i am was stupid enough to wait for them to come around when in reality i was letting good offers from other normal people pass me by.i know it sounds crazy but i was basically in a situation where i realize i was trying to force a friendship. Now i am left alone. I talk to people but alas i have no group of friends to hang out with. One thing that i have learned tho about myself throught this process is that i always tend to regress in large group situations. In a professional setting i am fine, in small groups 4-5ppl i am fine but if it is a social situation where i have to speak to ppl that i feel don't know me personally then i mess up. I either try to be something i am not or just don't say anything at all which in esscence is also a misrepresentation of myself. By doing this tho it has made me become socially retarded or at least that is how i feel. I feel hopeful about changing this situation but i feel as though i am out of moves. in a sense i feel that i have lost a little of who i am. Any help please

February 15, 2004
6:58 pm
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free
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Hi ebony

It's so good to hear from you again. As a freshman, you are young in relation to others at your school. The old cliques and popularity stuff so common on the high school campus no longer exists. Instead of looking for friends, try looking for study partners. The primary focus of most people in college is not friends- it is succeeding in classes. People are in quest of a degree to launch a career. The "friend" search tends to be primarily restricted to freshman, especially those in dorms, frats, and sororities. As you look for study partners, and find them, this person too will want somebody to go out with periodically- Fridays after midterms, that kind of thing. I had one awesome study partner my senior year- she was a grad student, and we'd get together for dinner and talk about the class we had together, and then study over gourmet coffee and some nice wines. Sometimes, we got together with some other students and played cards or went to the local pub. It was cool kuz though I really only had this one friend, I was able to have a social life in school (though quite limited) and at the same time be highly successful in my classes. I tended to be somewhat of a loner both in high school, beyond, and even now, not necessarily because I want to be, but because my goals and desires just don't match many people's. But I still live a satisfying life. It really doesn't take much to satisfy that need for company, especially when ya shift the gocus to achieving goals.

Something to think about. How are your classes going?

free

February 16, 2004
12:52 am
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Squeezles
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It sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to be someone that you 'should' be, rather than someone that you are 'comfortable' being. Start out by keeping your sights small. Sometimes just having one or two close friends is much more meaningful than having 10 or so casual friends. If you're not comfortable with a large group of people, that's OK - stick to what you ARE comfortable with until you build up that confidence a little.

Do you have a roommate? Start out by becoming friends with the people that share your dorm - maybe invite someone for coffee or similar and then build from there. Once you become friends with one they'll usually involve you with outings with their other friends and bingo a whole new bunch of friends!

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