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codependents craving fights ?
February 20, 2004
11:39 am
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Bearable
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I'm new here too . This is my third posting , I think . Can I ask has anyone noticed any codependents ( I'm one , btw , recovering ) almost needing to starts fights ? To have some extra drama in life ? I'm married with a small child . I hate to ask but there it is .
Maybe I just need to find my copy of " Codependent No More " . Such a good book . : )

February 20, 2004
11:43 am
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artist 2
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I think codependents just need a lot more love than regular people. Love is the answer.

February 20, 2004
12:04 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Bearable,

In dealing with some of the more co-dependent people in my life, I would have to say definitely yes, they do start more fights. So many thrive on drama.

When things are going smoothly, it's almost like they cannot stand it. They will pick a fight, and boom the minute it all starts they back away and say "But, I didn't mean to do that."

Much as I love my Father - this is one of his favorite tactics.

Z.

February 20, 2004
12:50 pm
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Bearable
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Hi artist 2 & Zinnie , Glad to get your opinions . I think you're both right . Love IS the answer , healthy love & maybe the drama thing is too . Ugh . I swear , my family , my husband , some of his family & a couple of friends of mine are sorta codependent . And me , of course , a recovering one . I don't need drama, don't like it ; it wears me out . I'm thinking I'm going to maybe look for some form of therapeutic support too. I have to say though this board & the members have been really wonderful & this is only day 3 or 4 since I've been checking in here .
Happy wishes sent your way : )

February 20, 2004
2:32 pm
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Planetary
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Hi Bearable,

I'm trying to understand if I'm co-dependent
and I can relate to what you've described above. I'm usually the one who starts fights with my ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure what posesses me to do that - maybe I'm craving for attention or I need drama.

After fighting for several hours/ days, I realize how much I hate it and how draining it is. We should be turning all this negative energy into positive energy. We shouldn't exert so much force in arguing over little things.

But, I'm trying to let go. Artist and Zinnie are right. Letting go with LOVE is the key.

- Planetary

February 20, 2004
5:36 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Hmm,,,I've never heard of codependents starting fights. Started me thinking about myself. I haven't done that. What I do is talk to my partner about what is bothering me. Naturally, since I always pick the real winners, they tell me I'm "over-reacting" or that "there is no problem" totally invalidating what I say. Then I let the resentment build and fester more and more until I can barely stand to look at him anymore.

I try to communicate my concerns, really try, but my attempt at discussing serious matters (oh, only those that are bothering me, not him) are just cast aside. I've been a doormat for so long that I'm no longer taken seriously, and I see that.

I wish I could pick a fight!!! It would probably do me good to let some of this anger out.

February 20, 2004
7:38 pm
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kmshull
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I can honestly admit, I've picked fights - many times. I don't know if my purpose is to get more attention or to create some drama, but they are rarely productive fights either. They just go around and around until he starts tuning me out and I start giving up, feelings resentful. I almost think I am looking for something; I am afraid to be content or happy. I think it's part of my self-esteem issues and possibly not feeling I deserve to be happy. So I find some reason to pick at my husband and start an argument; it's almost like I egg him on to say something mean to me so I can say "See? I knew you didn't care or really love me." It's a sad cycle that I am trying to get out of. Many times though, I don't even know I am doing it.

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