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codependent inlaws
November 7, 2006
1:40 pm
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ryne
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September 29, 2010
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Hi!
I am new to this site and the whole idea of codependency. I saw Ashley Judd today on the View describe codependency and I looked it up on the web and I realized that I am the daughter-in-law of an extremely codependent woman who is grooming my sister in law to be just like her.

I have always felt out of place in the family and just reading these threads has made me understand why they seem to reject me and my family. I never understood what I ever did wrong and now I realize that maybe I am just not needy or problematic. I am a somewhat independent person, I ask for help sometimes and help others but I really don't like to feel taken advantage of. I think they feel I'm uncaring if I don't want to hang around with my husbands alcoholic cousin or emotionally distant uncle or the other people in their lives that they feel would just fall apart if they're not around. They really don't seem to care for anyone that is condsidered their peer or God forbid more successful or emotionally "together" than them.

I know I can't change them and my husband loves them but understands why I don't really want to be around them. I always feel guilty that I'm somehow keeping him from his family and spending more time with my family than his but frankly we both have more fun with my family. I always feel like I am an outsider with my inlaws. Should I just accept it and move on or try to talk to my husband about it?

November 7, 2006
3:15 pm
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Rasputin
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September 30, 2010
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Ryne -

I grew up in a co-dependent family. I was more independent from my other siblings. Just like you, Everybody thought that I was uncaring and selfish person as a result of this.

People will almost always reject you when they feel that you are smarter, wiser, or more superior than them.

Keep doing the right thing and be open with your hubby about their co-dep behaviour. Your hubby is in critical place coz he has to see his family, yet they may have a negative influence on his life on the long run.

Right now, I have a very good relationship with my parents and all my siblings. The only family member I have trouble with is my oldest sister who is very difficult to deal with. My mom is very understanding and respects my decision to keep it formal with my oldest sister.

I would say...let your hubby continue to see his family but express openly your fears of their negative influence over him and see what he says.

Who knows may be later on he will figure that he likes to keep it more formal with them even if he continues communicating/seeing them.

Blessings, Ras~

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