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Codependent Identity
October 26, 1999
9:50 am
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Clear Identity ** versus ** Codependent Identity

reference:

* John, Friel, Phd, Robert Subby, MA and Linda Friesl, MA. Health
Communicatinos Inc., Deefrield Beach, FL.

1) I know who I am ** vs ** i act as if i know who i am

2) i care for myself and can therefore care for others ** vs ** i care
for others and tend not to care for myself

3) i respect authority when appropriate ** vs ** i respect authority,
even when it hurts me, because i am afraid of what will happen if i
don't

4) i like to get close to others, but i keep my identity and
separateness when i do ** vs ** i fear getting close to others because i

might het hurt or lose myself in the process
5) i enjoy receiving and giving compliments ** vs ** i don't believe
compliments given to me, and i admire some people more than myself

6) i find life a comfortable, clear place to be ** vs ** i find life to
be confusing and painful much of the time

7) i like being alone...having a definite time each week when i am by
myself ** vs ** being alone usually means being lonely for me

8) i believe that everyone has something worthwhile to offer, including
me ** vs ** i believe that i'm better than many people, and that many
people are better than me

9) i have faced crises in my life, and resolved them to my own
satisfaction ** vs ** i am unable to change my life the way i would like to

"Life becomes a never ending search for the parent who will provide the
nurturing for the lost inner child and allow it to finally grow up."

October 26, 1999
9:29 pm
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KTHOMAS
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The last sentence...about the nurturing of the lost inner child...that is what my counselor is working on with me...profound. We are made up of three parts...1. The complient child - she makes everything ok so there is no strife. 2. The rebellioius child - this one is strong during our teen years. 3. The spontainious child - the one that chases butterflies and pick wild flowers. She is the one that gets squashed during childhood and never gets to grow up. I am trying to remember exactly what Jane my counselor said but that was two sessions ago and i really need to carry a tape recorder with me. 🙂

I just had to share that this is key to unlocking the pain of our pasts.

October 26, 1999
9:49 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks so much Karin, wow s.c that post makes codependency sound so pathetic, I have to say it doesnt take into account that we are comprised of strengths and grace that can overcome such debilitating characteristics....
Codependency is kind of a soul murder:(
Never give up girls, keep going and believe in yourselves and god, you WILL become healthy and happy......I promise. It is NOT a lifelong death.

October 27, 1999
12:52 am
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everblue
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wow, it's interesting how so many of those traits fit the feelings of someone who is depressed... I wonder - is it possible to be co-dependent on a relationship that doesn't even exist? Is co-dependency a state of mind, or a type of relationship? I wonder how much those two things are related...

October 27, 1999
7:08 am
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hazza
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hi all
I think co/dependency is definitely a state of mind, i think if it is in you it will find a way to attach itself to any relationship, or more abstract thintgs too.
We all know people who equally get their feelings of self worth from their Jobs or the kind of car they drive and so on.
I think it is when we look for reassurance OUTSIDE from ourselves instead if INSIDE us. what we it attach it to when we search outside instead of inside doesn't seem to really matter at the end of the day
Just my thoughts on the subject anyway
Take care
Hazza

November 5, 1999
4:56 pm
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Helen
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I have never really known about codependancy before but reading those points about it makes it sound just the way I feel. I've never really believed in myself but have always felt in awe about others. I know it's really easy to snatch on to something that you think can help you understand what is happening in your own life, but this really does sound similar.

November 5, 1999
5:34 pm
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Helen,

It sounds familiar, because it's the common fall-out of growing up in a stressful environment.

It's like a puzzle of thousands of pieces, finally creating a picture.

- SC

November 16, 1999
3:02 pm
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Ava
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I just recently learned about codependency through my own research on the net. I was amazed at how close I came to the "symptoms" or whatever you would call them. But then again, my self esteem is pretty shot so I think I could diagnose myself as anything! So is there a way to get out of being co-dependent w/o having to rely on a counselor (since I don't have the money to do so)? Any resources you know of etc.?

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