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Codependent? I think so
October 3, 2003
11:18 pm
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meemee
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Hi. I'm new here. It seems like there are a lot of people that sound like me. I am not happy in my current relationship and I am going to counseling, but yet I don't do any thing about it. I don't talk to him. Visa versa too. But yet every day that goes by I tell myself. I want to be independent and leave but there are children involved. It is not abusive, but I'm not happy at all. We went to couples counseling but worked for a while and now everything is worse. Probably due to my fault. Everyone tells me that he's a "good guy". Why don't I have any
interest?

October 3, 2003
11:26 pm
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mj
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Hi MeeMee...and welcome to join us trying to find ourselves and change what we don't like and accept the rest.

October 3, 2003
11:31 pm
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meemee
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Hello: Do I stay in a relationship for the children's sake or be selfish and think about myself being happy and independent?

October 3, 2003
11:33 pm
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meemee
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with my kids, of course!

October 3, 2003
11:34 pm
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mj
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Only you can really answer that question. I can just listen and let you know that you are not alone and I am willing to be here for you.

Why do you think you aren't happy with your husband any longer?

October 3, 2003
11:38 pm
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mj
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And who says its selfish to take care of yourself?

October 3, 2003
11:38 pm
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meemee
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We never talk to each other. He never tells me about his day. He sits and watches tv in the living room and falls asleep and then comes in when I'm asleep. Never gives me any affection or attention. Doesn't even notice that I'm here. Thanks for listening.

October 3, 2003
11:40 pm
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meemee
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I feel it's selfish to not be able to give my children a family that is TOGETHER in one house.

October 3, 2003
11:40 pm
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mj
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Meemee,
Relationships are two way communications.

When I feel like my husband doesn't want to be with me, I directly tell him how I am feeling but not blaming him for how I feel...just expressing that I want his company...and see if its mutual. Lots of times I find that he is thinking I don't want to talk to him and we clear it up by communicating our honest feelings.

October 3, 2003
11:43 pm
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meemee
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The thing is--ew've been married for 12 years and I kinda feel like I'm sick of always saying "come to bed" and he then continued to "fall asleep on the couch". I figured oh well, he doesn't want me. He didn't want to go back to couples counseling so I went for myself.

October 3, 2003
11:43 pm
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mj
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How would you feel if your husband was to say, he didn't want to be with you and was taking the children that you love so much...Does he want to be a part of raising his children as well?

Why do you really want to leave?

October 3, 2003
11:45 pm
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mj
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Sorry, got to go, hubby is calling me.
Keep talking here

October 3, 2003
11:46 pm
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meemee
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I quess I'd have to accept that he didn't want to be with me. But taking the kids!!! I wouldn't let him do that. He is a good dad and I know that he would definetly be a part of raising the children. I'm not happy and I haven't been for the past 3 years.

October 3, 2003
11:48 pm
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meemee
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Your sooo lucky your husband is calling you.

October 3, 2003
11:55 pm
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meemee
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i have to get up for work tomorrow so i will talk to you later.

October 3, 2003
11:55 pm
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meemee
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thank you again mj

October 4, 2003
9:24 am
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mj
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mee,mee,
Sorry I had to run off last night in the middle of the conversation.
For me, getting honest about what is really bothering me, helps me to heal my wounds. I hear you saying that you don't think he wants you. Ask him.....get honest with him. Lay it out on the table. Its your life. Why give up on it without getting honest.

I use to leave when my hubby and I would fight. Now, we just allow time to cool off before we communicate again. OUR relationship has lots of ups and downs emotionally. Some days I think, would I be better off by myself? But here I am, taking it one day at a time, trying to find my own answers. YOU will find them if you search honestly and fearlessly.
Glad you are here.

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