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codependent and need help
May 3, 2009
7:56 pm
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iujudy
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September 30, 2010
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This is all new to me and I am hoping for some great insite. I am finding out how codependent I am on my marriage and husband. It is ending and I am so scared, but in some way ready to move on and start a new life.(at 52) I have been threatening to leave for 7 years. This week I finally had enough and that is it. I have so much on my plate I want to screem. I have started going to al-non meetings and now the codependent part is coming out for me. I have been married for 30 years...yup that long and have let someone control me. Now, tht he fell apart this is all coming out. I am thankful for this as I have many years ahead of me. Even though he is sick it seems I am just as sick.,...scary. My pretend fairy tale world has ended. Any suggestions on how to survive a divorce, and not make the same mistake twice. I am strong and want to grow. I am trying and open to anything.

May 4, 2009
12:19 am
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chelonia mydas
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September 24, 2010
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(((Iujudy)))

I'm so glad that you are on the path toward honestly looking at your issues and working through them. It is not an easy road, but it is very rewarding.

I divorced 2 years ago after 14 years with him. I'm also very codependent and am working on my issues.

I've found it very helpful to decide to be on my own for a while- not even try to date or get involved with others until I'm able to be on my own and feel like I am ready for a healthy relationship.

May 4, 2009
8:34 am
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mskitty
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September 24, 2010
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I am 60 yrs.old and very co-dependant --to the point of doing with out to give money to others.... I was married 32 yrs and a care giver to my husband untill he died 13 yrs ago... and I am steadily trying to buy others so they will need me.....I need to be needed ,and I make people use me.I need help...

May 4, 2009
10:53 am
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RobynB
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September 27, 2010
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Being on your own for awhile is a great suggestion.

Another thing: don't ever give into the idea that you won't find true happiness, etc. Those dark thoughts are going to be waiting in the wings, but it might make you feel better to know my aunt found the love of her life when she was in her early 50's.

Kudos to you for taking this step and keep posting. You are not alone and your future is bright!

May 5, 2009
9:47 pm
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peace4all
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September 24, 2010
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(((Judy))) and (((Kitty)))

Bless your hearts, both of you. I have one suggestion for both of you..
go to the library and check out .....
Codependent No More....by, Melody Beattie....she also has more on the subject such as Beyond Codependency and some work books. But as with everything it is always best to start at the beginning, so the first book will be great for you. Codependency is a scary thing and re-learning how to think is not easy..However...so worth the work and effort..Judy you said you have started Alanon..good for you, it is a wonderful program, it saved my life and sanity. Kitty please do yourself and favor and try to attend an Alanon or Coda meeting, it will help you to see just how much you are worth........Love in recovery, Peace4all
Ps. if either of you want to talk more please go over to the Lib side, we can say whatever there and not feel bad for saying things like.....
Blessings to you....lol....

May 7, 2009
9:19 pm
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Boff
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September 29, 2010
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Wow! This sounds so familiar. i too have been struggling for many years. I am scared that i can't make it on my own. I'm so used to "toughin' it out" with things the way they are, that i am emotionally numb, and don't have any interests, or hobbies other than fixing others.

May 7, 2009
9:19 pm
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Boff
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September 29, 2010
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Wow! This sounds so familiar. i too have been struggling for many years. I am scared that i can't make it on my own. I'm so used to "toughin' it out" with things the way they are, that i am emotionally numb, and don't have any interests, or hobbies other than fixing others.

May 8, 2009
12:17 am
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daydreamer
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September 24, 2010
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Hi all ... codependence no more is a great book.. I have read it myself. I am glad I did. I am still a little co dependent but not has bad as I was before i knew what co dependency was. When reading that book i was reading all about me. it kind of scared me.

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