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Codependent and losing husband
February 9, 2004
8:20 pm
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Monazzz
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September 27, 2010
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I am 27 year old woman with 3 children, and a husband I love very much. We have together for 10 years and married for 2. I love him dearly. I had an affair, which gave me false attention, or worthyness, which I regret completely. How do explain my actions, when I don't understand why they happened, and that I love my husband so dearly? Help...I have almost lost him .

February 9, 2004
8:30 pm
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gingerleigh
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September 30, 2010
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Tough situation, very tough. I don't know if it's as important to
"explain" your action to him as it is to get him to trust you again, and also for you to trust yourself. There isn't any magic pixie dust you can sprinkle over the two of you to fix things. I wish there were! It takes time and work and understanding from both of you to get through it. You will need to understand his mistrustfulness of you for a while. He will need to make a leap of faith and not hold this over your head.

Couples counseling might help you address the trust issues. And individual counseling might help you get to the root of why you were looking for validation from outside of yourself and your marriage.

There are books out there that might be helpful too.

Affairs : A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples

February 9, 2004
8:42 pm
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Wanttobewell
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Monazzz,,,there must have been a reason for you to have the affair. I agree with everything Gingerleigh said and really can't add much more. Both of you have to want to work it out, and it won't be easy. I agree with counseling if you both want to save the marriage. W.

February 10, 2004
4:47 am
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Zinnie
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Monazzz,

Does your husband know that you had the affair? What led to the affair to begin with? Are you or bothof you in counseling?

Love,

Zinnie

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